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Discussion Starter #1
An elderly man had owned a large farm for several

He had a large pond in the back.
It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with
picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he
been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon
bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting And laughing with

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women
skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep

One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until
you leave! The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Most old men can still think fast.!!

737 Posts
A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.
She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the
results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy
a newspaper. Before
leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't
mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply.

"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks
the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."

The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She
stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes
up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this
burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man
waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, "I'm 78 and my eyesight is going,
although when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell
how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it
requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then,
and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until her
curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out,
"What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to
feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and
weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He
pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay,
okay...How old am I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his
hands, and says, "Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was
incredible, how could you tell?"

The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"

"I promise I won't," she says.

"I was behind you in McDonald's."
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