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Discussion Starter #1
The Man Rules
(At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down)

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1.. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is..

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Sports or our trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!


Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
 

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Bubba:

That's a bunch of wisdom you listed there but I only have three absolute rules of life. They were discovered by first hand personal experience. In time I may discover more but for now:

1. Never get behind an old lady in line at a bank.

2. Never get behind a fat lady in line at a food bar.


3. Never EVER trust a woman driver.


sissy
 

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Now John, not ALL women fit in that description. In fact my entire focus this year is to make this game MY game. But I'll share it with all you boys in the clubhouse too as long as you put your money up front!

And we have five trapshooters in our house so the whole home in foreclosure thing? Too, too true but I've found a broker for a lobe of my liver so we're covered until the State shoot! Sal

PS. The whole 'bring your lady into the things you do" got me married to Coach.
 

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Take notice and govern yourselves accordingly!!!!!!!!


NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.


(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead get another ____________. This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!


(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man... That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').


(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
 

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How about:

...and that's OK, but....

Means its not OK.
 

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Hey Curvy, I thought that grunting, flatualating, and scratching ones naughty bits in public was what turned you women on??? Whats up wit dat??
 

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Calvin, my friend...it is obvious that I have failed in my duties to teach you. You must employ GENTLEMANLY ways of pissing off a woman. Gentlemanly ways really are far more effective, because she gets confused as to whether she should be angry with YOU or HERSELF. Get with the program.
 
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