Has he been abused? Is he looking for attention? Is he a sociopath?
Without knowing more, "corrective" action may be counter productive. "Tanning his ass" is not how you would handle a boy who has been abused.
Shouting at him is not doing to help. If he is a sociopath you have shown he has control.
You have some detective work to do. Once you understand why his behavior has changed, you can address correcting it. If he will not open up to you or someone he trusts, you will need to consider professional help.
Don, the in thing now a days is "HE Was Abused" as a kid. There is a whole generation of kids that have NO respect and they think of no one but themselves. If I acted like this as a kid the fur would fly. Why is everyone so special. A kid is a kid and what is wrong with the old man taking you out behind the barn with his belt. I know one thing it sure as hell worked for me. Trevor Dawe
I have an 11 yr old and it's tough. I'm not beyond a spanking, but I've found that it just belittles them, and makes them resent you so save it for when it's really needed. Take away his xbox or playstation, that'll mean more to him than a whipping. I told my son very matter offactly that shooting a gun was a big responsibility. If I couldn't trust him to know how to act on his own then I couldn't trust him with a gun. If he wanted to shoot, I really needed a commitment from him that I could trust him when I wasn't looking because I might not always be there to save him from hurting himself or someone else. Don't get me wrong I don't have all the answers and I still have my parenting struggles (I have 3 boys), but it was one of the best talks I have ever had with my son. He really seemed to understand when I broke it down.
On the other hand, I don't know how life is for him at school, but he may be trying to act tough at s school if he thinks someones picking on him or, he may be trying to impress a young lady. You were a boy once, remember the stupid sh!t you used to do?
Tough age. Lots of things start to happen around 6th grade. Athletics, girls (life-long problem), puberty?, grades,..... I always (and wife) ask my boys "what went on at school today?" They are 8th grade and a Junior in High School. Just don't inquire, find out from them. If you start this (interrogation-discussion) early in their schooling, it just get easier the older they get. He hopefully will want to engage you in discussion the older he gets, not only about school but other topics that will arise.
We are very rural, and one phone call to a couple parents and you can find out the whole story on anything. Kids do talk.
There is abuse in this world, but not to the extent that we are lead to beleive. Spaking is not abuse, but our liberal government workers have made it an issue in our courts.
Spaking works when its done correctly!
As a volunteer for the state, we are told we have to report any child we see to them that has a bruise that can be seen. That child will then get the CPS indoctrination!!! One thing that is sure to happen to that child is he or she will "forced" to strip in front of a doctor and CPS preverts, NOW THAT is ABUSE!
If in this time of state budget problems, a quick fix, shut down CPS, the state will save millions! mainly from the law suits that they create by their actions!
One thing I have noticed in the run in's with CPS workers, most don't have Kids
I could go on and on over CPS and the state, but most don't want to hear it. I am and will defend spaking as a form of correcting bad behavour.
My daughter handled this issue this way with my grandson: She started going to school and sitting in class with him every day. He was never out of her site during the school day. She did this for a week. What a change. He never wanted her back again. He ended up graduating from the Naval academy, and is now an officer in the Navy.
I spanked my son, now 35, twice when he was growing up, both times were when he repeated life endangering acts. The first time he did it, he was told why he should not do it, and given a warning, of a spanking. If he broke someone else's item, on purpose, he would have to trade his good one, for their broken one, if he didn't have one of what he broke, he did extra chores until he earned enough to buy them a new one. He is now a fine young man, that others tell me I should be proud of, and I am.
Although ass tanning is one way to do it, I really don't think it works as well as planned. I've never had any kids of my own, but married the nicest woman in the world who has two sons, that were 6 and 11 when I came into thier lives.
Some times they really tried me, and I did give a few ass whoopins, but they really didn't seem to work. At a family reunion, I was tlking to one of my nephews, who at the time was about 16, he said butt whippings are okay, but they are really too short, and you just get mad, or get over it, he said the best way was just take away their favorite thing for a while, so I started doing that, and it really worked pretty good
I wish I would have had something to take way when I was a kid, because I got my butt busted way too often, but probably not often enough
He sounds angry. Possibly, and I'm just throwing this out there, he is being bullied by some peer or feels that he is mistreated somewhere somehow. I'm not sayhing he is correct, but I suspect it is projected anger.
My "naughty" friends and I, years ago, in grade school, bothered others because we were angry...in our case, being in school with all the limitations and drudgery involved.
Less likely, is his bothering other kids to obtain status from other kids that have status.
My son had some behavioral problems during his early teen years, as do most teenagers, but he seemed to be hell-bent on failing school through cutting classes, not turning work in and generally making an ass of himself.We had a long talk where i spelled it out for him as to what he could expect if it continued.
Nothing changed and i took a leave of absence from my work(lucky that i could do this)escorted him to school and to his classes where i sat in. Part of the deal was that if i had to escort him to classes, taking time off from work, he would repay me for lost income.My escorting him lasted only a few days and he did a complete turnaround. He also worked odd jobs and repaid me(well, most of it anyway)
I don't think we ever got to the core of his bad behavior, but he was no longer a problem, except for the usual stuff that teenagers do;loud music, little fibs, coming in just a little late, etc.
I think in my son's case, it was a matter of his wanting a certain amount of control over his life and my job was to balance his being able to have some and at the same time, realize that he is the child and i am the parent.
He has since gone on to become a well respected and much sought=after scrub tech in a hospital where he has worked for more than 15 years. I could not be any more proud of him. Talk to your child, but listen and listen well. Get to know him and try to find out what's going on inside. Set limits and be prepared to enforce them. Good luck.
The boy is at that place in life where he doesn't know who or what he is supposed to be loyal to. He wants to flap his wings to impress his buddies but he doesn't want to alienate his relationship with his family. If you think parenting is hard right now, try to remember how you felt as an eleven year old. If your screw-ups had been responded to with a belt whipping, would you have trusted your parents more...or less? Would you have respected your parents more...or less? The boy needs you, but he doesn't know why. This may be your last chance. By the time he is fifteeen, he will have tried his first joint or his first bottle of beer. Whether we like it or not, our parenting skills are a significant determinant of a child's future behavior. If you feel overwhelmed, get real help.
One last thought:my Dad was an overly physical disciplinarian with me. By whipping me(with either a belt or a cut-off broom handle)he succeeded in achieving his immediate desired result. Know this, though, if he was alive today and his ass was fully ablaze, I wouldn't piss in his mouth.
Stay with him. Take him somewhere every Saturday morning. Find out what HE likes and teach him how to make it available to HIMself. Example:if he wants to play in a band, DON'T buy him the guitar...teach him how to earn the money to buy it for himself even if that means loaning him your lawnmower.
If he trusts you and respects you he'll stay with you. If he doesn't, you can kiss him goodbye.
I feel sorry for you having to go through this. Many a good man has gone just a little crazy over an errant son, but hang in! You'll make it!
He is looking for attention from someone or perhaps trying to impress someone with his bad self. Take him shooting or something where you get a chance to spend some time together. Start a conversation about some silly crap you pulled when you were a kid and how it really didn't work out too well for you.
Whipping his ass is not a working solution as it may correct the pencil breaking but it will probably also turn him more to the bad side. Get inside his head first and when you do try to remember way back when you were his age.
Also remember he is a separate person that is not yours to control like some robot. The best you can hope for is to steer him a little now and then.
Take him shooting more. Take him hunting. Make him understand that in order to keep shooting priviledges, he has to behave in school. If shooting is important, he'll get the message. If not, take away other stuff, games, tv, phone, other things until he gets the picture.
I'll tell you what I did. I have an only child born in 1980. She is now a PH.d, post doctoral fellow for the UNC Chapel Hill. Google JanelleCArthur and see what she has done with her life! When I needed to PUNISH her, I never sent her to her room....She had more than me!
A private room with stereo, TV, internet, phone, etc. I sent her to do CHORES. I sent her to the bathroom with a spray bottle and a few brushes to scrub the tiles in the shower. I sent her outside with a wheelbarrel and told her she had to weed for 2 hours. I dropped her off at the senior center and told her I'd pick her up in 2 hours, after she cleaned some old lady's bathroom or some old man's bedroom.....Strip some sheets, and put them in the laundry and remake the bed! That was punishment. PUT her in her room? Spank her? None of that would work. Time to teach them a lesson that will stay with them!