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An Amish Farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond with his hand.


The Amish Farmer shouts: "Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, die Kuhe und die Schweine haben hineingeschissen!"

(Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows and the pigs have pooped in it!")

The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand your gibberish. Speak English, Infidel!"

The Amish Farmer shouts back in English:

"Use two hands, you'll get more!"
 

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I thought we won the war? :)
 

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I took German in high school. My mother asked me why would I take German when we are of Italian decent, and Spanish would be easier to learn because a lot of the words are close to Italian? As she ended her sentence, My German teacher walks into the principles office as we are waiting for the principle. She was in her early 20's, blond, one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. My mom whispers to me "now I know why you took German". The reason My mom was called in to speak to her and my principle, I told the teacher a joke " I said to her, if I don't see you in the spring, I'll see you in the mattress". She got offended and filed a complaint. My mother told both of them that it was a joke and I never meant anything by it, NOT TRUE. As we were leaving I winked at the teacher, I ended up getting a 3 day suspension. Her name was Fräulein Schilling, just absolutely gorgeous.
Steve Balistreri
 
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