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A young cowboy goes off to college, but half way through
the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.
'Dad,' he says, 'You won't believe what modern education is developing!
They actually have a program here in Bozeman that will teach our dog,
Ol' Blue how to talk!'

'That's amazing,' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'
'Just send him down here with $1,000' the young cowboy says. 'I'll
get him in the course.' So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.
About two thirds through the semester, the money again runs out.


The boy calls home.
'So how's Ol' Blue doing, son,' his father asks.
'Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm,' he says, 'but you just won't
believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!'
'Read!' says his father, 'No kidding! How do we get Blue in that
program?' 'Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class.' The money

promptly arrives.

But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will
find out the dog can neither talk, nor read.
So he shoots the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his
father is all excited. 'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him
read something and talk!'


'Dad,' the boy says, 'I have some bad news. Yesterday morning, just
before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the dorm room, kicked
back in the bed, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually
does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still
messing' around with that little redhead who lives in town?' '

The father exclaimed, 'I hope you shot him before he talks to your Mother!'


'I sure did, Dad!'


'That's my boy!'

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer and congressman.
 

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A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets
into
the taxi.
Cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.'




Passenger: 'Who?'




Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to
Frank Feldman every single time.'




Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'




Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won
the
Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros He sang like an opera
baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him
play
the piano. He was an amazing guy.'




Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.'




Cabbie: 'There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered
everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and
which
fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a
fuse,
and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do
everything
right'




Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'




Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid
traffic
jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he
never
made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel
good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and
his
clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - He was the
perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to
Frank
Feldman.'




Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'




Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank, he died. I married his widow.'
 

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Subject: Baskin Robbins new flavor


This one is politically incorrect, so I knew you would like it!

Baskin Robbins is introducing a new ice cream in honor of the inauguration, Barocky Road. It's half vanilla, half chocolate, surrounded by fruits and nuts!



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George Steffes, those are the lyrics of a Ray Stevens song of about 20 years ago named "The Higher Education Of Ole Blue". It came out on a LP titled "Classic Ray Stevens" and is also on a cassette tape of the same name. It is probably on one of his CDs but I haven't gone through all of them yet. The song was written by C.W. Kaib, Jr., who wrote or co-wrote a number of songs Ray Stevens recorded. My problem when I start looking up a Ray Stevens song is that I can't get past playing "Shriner's Convention", then I have to listen to "The Haircut Song", then "Mississippi Squirrel Revival", then "The Ballad of The Blue Cyclone", and by that time I have forgotten what I was looking for in the first place
 
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