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GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
 

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here is some of my duckblind anologies on "how you know you're getting old"!
#1- you start leaving food on your face- mustard on the corner of your mouth ,its there during the whole entire meal!!! thats why old people dont smooch as much-- less feeling in thse lips!!
#2-when ordering a meal-you say-" i'd order it but i can only eat 1/2!"-- isay order it , in our family , someone will scarf the rest down!
#3-during a conversation you say "how much is your gas down there"-- have you ever heard a 20yr old guy ask that question-NEVER! everytime i called home ,my dad wud ask that, and i think-dad ,you only drive 5000 miles a year, heck if it was $5/gallon it wudnt break you! i drive 35,0000 miles/ year ,have a gas station as part of our business, and i still dont ask that?

gee- and i'm just gettin warmed up!!!
 

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Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.
They include:

Bobby Darin ---
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.



Herman's Hermits ---
Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker .



Ringo Starr ---
I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.






The Bee Gees -- -
How Can You Mend a Broken Hip..




Roberta Flack---
The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.


Johnny Nash ---
I Can't See Clearly Now.


Paul Simon---
Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver


The Commodores ---
Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.


Marvin Gaye ---
Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.


Procol Harem---
A Whiter Shade of Hair.


Leo Sayer ---
You Make Me Feel Like Napping.


The Temptations ---
Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.


Abba---
Denture Queen.


Tony Orlando ---
Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.


Helen Reddy ---
I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.



Leslie Gore---
It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.

And Last but NOT least:


Willie Nelson --- On the Commode Again
 

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getting old for me has been , taking months to get over a small injury that when I was 25 took a week .

Dean
 

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Seriously...growing old is my mother in law meeting us for dinner tonight...

Locking herself in her own car. I did not think this was even possible.

Or my dad getting in the back seat to drive himself home in his car.

Or my own young old self struggling to remember stuff on the tip of my tongue...it is incredibly frustrating to be aware of your own machine breaking down.
 

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Perhaps we should care more about each other than we care about our things:

Consider that we collect old things and we value and cherish them. We call them antique. We prize them and take them out and show them to our friends.

We discard our old people. We do not seek their wisdom and experience. We hide them in dingy homes and seldom visit them. We let them wither and die of boredom and under use.

Perhaps we should take a hint from Asia. They value their old like the rare treasures they are.
 

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Great song parodies !

Getting old is taking all night long to do what you used to do all night long.

The end of life is defined when you can no longer wipe your own butt.

regards
 

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The rest of what Grunt was trying to relate......rules for guys over 50:

1) Never waste an erection

2) Never pass up an opportunity to pee

3) Never trust a fart
 
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