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737 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their
usual park bench one morning.The 87-year-old had just
finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of
breath.The 80-year-old was amazed at his friend's
stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, 'Well, I eat rye bread every day. It
keeps your energy level high and you'll have great
stamina with the ladies.'

So, on the way home, the 80-year-old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, 'Do you have any rye bread?'
She said, 'Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?' He said, 'I want 5
loaves.' She said, 'My goodness, 5 loaves... by the
time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard.'

He replied, 'I can't believe it. Everybody knows about
this shit but me...'

3,917 Posts
A Tiny Cabin

A social worker from a big City in Massachusetts

transferred to the Mountains of North Carolina and

and was on the first tour of her new territory when
she came

upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her

Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.
'Anybody home?' she asked.

'Yep,' came a kid's voice through the

'Is your father there?' asked the social

'Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in,' said

'Well, is your mother there?' persisted the
social worker.

'Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got
said the kid.

'But,' protested the social worker, 'are
never together as a family?'

'Sure, but not here,' said the kid through

'This is the Outhouse!'

3,726 Posts
A foursome of guys is waiting at the men's tee, while
another foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tees.

The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady is ready to hit her
ball, she hacks it ten feet.

She goes over and whiffs it completely.
Then she hacks it another ten feet, and finally hacks it another five feet.

She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically,
"I guess all those f***ing lessons I took over the winter didn't help."

One of the men immediately responds,
"Well, there you have it, you should have taken golf lessons instead!"

....He never even had a chance to duck.

3,726 Posts
A married man was having an affair
with his secretary.

One day they went to her place
and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep
and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed
and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied,

'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'

She looked down at his shoes and said:

'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'

535 Posts
A blonde was sitting on the couch watching the news when the newsman announced that "Two Brazilian skydivers were killed while skydiving." The blonde said "Thats terrible, people being killed that way!" Her husband said " Well, that is a pretty risky hobby you know!" She thought for awhile, then said "How many is a brazilian, anyway?"

572 Posts
Pretty disappointed today,I got my rejection slip on my application from E. Harmony. Seems I didn't answer one of the questions appropriately. "What would you like most to see in a woman"?...........GOOD LUCK

3,917 Posts
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he
saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor
man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and
I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They
are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come
with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But
sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for
a car as large as the limousine was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer
and said, "Sir, you are too kind."

"Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.

"You'll really love my place.

"The grass is almost a foot high"

81 Posts
Ahhh, the Irish. God love 'em.

An armed and hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.
The robber shoots the guy in the head without hesitation!
He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.

One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him in the head also. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.

Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber.

There are a few moments silence then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says:

'I think me wife may have caught a glimpse ....'

P.S.God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world!!
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