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25,277 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
(Pics of gramps posing at the link.)

A grandfather who won a tryst with two hookers choked to death before he could enjoy his threesome.

Johnny Orris, 86, from Illinois, was entered into a contest by radio shock jock Howard Stern, called “I Want to Get My Grandpa Laid,” by his grandson, Ed Moody.

He told the show he had not had sex since his wife died more than a decade ago, and was awarded the encounter at the legal Moonlite Bunny Ranch brothel in Nevada.

Orris went to the ranch and chose two girls, then headed to a steakhouse in Lake Tahoe, where he died.

His grieving grandson, who was with him, told Radar Online: “He had not been with a woman for 11 years since my grandmother died.

“He had two girls planned out, Caressa Kisses and Vanity – Caressa is all that he talked about. He was going to spend the night with them but he never got back to the Bunny Ranch.

“I think he was eating too fast because he wanted to get there quickly, but sadly he did not make it.

“I was with him. He was choking to death. Hr was eating prime rib and he started choking.”

Moody and the maitre d'hotel tried the Heimlich manouevre and CPR, but after an ambulance took him to hospital he was prounouced dead.

Moody went on: “He was having the greatest day of his life, and it went to hell. He was feeling great. He was being treated like a rock star.”

But his grandad's winnings did not go completely to waste.

Bunny Ranch owner Dennis Hof let him have a free roll in the hay with one of his girls – though not Caressa Kisses or Vanity.

Hof said the two girls who appeared on Stern's show and named Orris the winner, Caressa and Rain Riches “are distraught and are going to need some sort of counselling.”

25,277 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
Well if you need more humor, buzz-gun, here are some Haikus I wrote:

Old guy postpones lay<br>
Chokes to death on a tough steak<br>
Hookers need therapy

Tough steak dirt naps gramps<br>
Should have eaten something else<br>
Hookers were willing

Gramps died for bad stunt<br>
Grandson gets free sympathy lay<br>
Stern gets the last laugh

Chew your food slowly<br>
His late wife always warned him<br>
But he ate too fast

Two hookers and steak<br>
What could possibly go wrong?<br>
No lay for you gramps

Choking on big meat<br>
Is something hookers should do<br>
Not an old grandpa

Dying with a big grin<br>
With hookers servicing you<br>
Beats choking on steak

Curse you Porter House<br>
My (censored) is forever limp<br>
No justice in world

Grandpa better hope<br>
That when he gets to heaven<br>
Rolling pins not there

Hold my Geritol<br>
Then stand back and watch me eat<br>
Nothing can go wrong

Making people laugh<br>
Sounded like good idea<br>
Now they really laugh

What witty remark<br>
Will be put on my tomb stone?<br>
"At Rest But Not Laid"

116 Posts
Brian I read your post an hour ago and still haven't stopped laughing. Especially the last line "At Rest but Not Laid" . Hilarious.

Great post. lol .... gdr

Premium Member
1,424 Posts
",,,,and when gramps died with a wheeze and a cough

the Bunny Ranch had to lay girls off..."

Might be fleshed out into a country and western song.
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