1. Attention: We have put together a thread with tips and a tutorial video to help with using the new software. Please take a moment to check out the thread here: Trapshooters.com Tutorial & Help Video.
    Dismiss Notice

YOU MIGHT LIKE THIS IF YOU'R iTALIAN, OR NOT?

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by senior smoke, Jun 22, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2007
    Messages:
    7,577
    Location:
    Wauwatosa Wisconsin
    YOU MIGHT LIKE THIS IF YOU

    Hello:
    I am 100% Italian, and yes, I am making fun of my own.
    Steve Balistreri


    ITALIANS
    (IF YOU ARE FROM NY. NJ, LONG ISLAND, BOSTON, SOUTH PHILADELPHIA, MILWAUKEE, CHICAGO ETC, IT WILL BE EASIER TO IDENTIFY WITH THIS)

    Why do Italians dislike Jehovah's Witnesses?
    Because Italians dislike all witnesses.

    Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony?
    On the boat over to America they put a sticker on them that said - TO NY.

    You know you're Italian when. . . You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.

    You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit
    two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles
    into a regular lunch bag.

    Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant,
    travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.

    You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or on the same block. All five of those cousins are named after your
    grandfather or grandmother.

    You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.

    You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.

    If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9," it is presumed his Mother had an affair.

    There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.

    You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.

    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

    And you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when. .

    Your grandfather had a fig tree.

    You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.

    Christmas Eve. . . only fish.

    Your mom's meatballs are the best.

    You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.

    Clear plastic covers on all the furniture.

    You know how to pronounce "cappicola", "manicotti" and "mozzarella."

    You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy."

    You've called someone a "mamaluke."

    And you understand "bada bing"
     
  2. BROWNST100

    BROWNST100 Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2008
    Messages:
    589
    Location:
    LEWISBERRY, PA.
    GOOMBAH


    Vern
     
  3. grntitan

    grntitan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2009
    Messages:
    17,225
    Location:
    IL(The gun friendly Southern Part)
    E 'tempo di mangiare ancora
     
  4. Gold Medal

    Gold Medal Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    343
    An 80 year old Italian man goes to the doctor with a sore shoulder.

    Doctor asks him "how did you injure it?"

    He says, "playing golf yesterday."

    Doctor says " it is great you are getting exercise at your age. How old was your father when he died?"

    Man says "who said he`s dead?"

    Doctor says " you mean your father is still alive? How old is he?"

    Man says "yes he is still alive. He was playing golf with me yesterday. He is 100 years old."

    Doctor says " you have great longevity genes in your family. How old was your grandfather when he died."

    Man says "who says he`s dead?"

    Doctor says "now wait a minute. Your grandfather is still alive? How old is he? Don`t tell me he was playing golf with you also."

    Man says "my grandfather is 119 years old. He wasn`t playing golf with us because yesterday was his wedding day."

    Doctor says "wedding day? Damn, isn`t 119 years old a little late in life to want to get married?"

    Man says "who said he wanted to?"



    Viva Italia!
     
  5. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2007
    Messages:
    7,577
    Location:
    Wauwatosa Wisconsin
    Gold medal that's FUNNY!!!

    Here's one I just heard.
    In the late 40's an older Italian man has a 35 year old son, who at that time he son was called deaf and dumb. This father would give anything to help his son. One day, he met a doctor walking in the park and he suggested that he bring his son to his office the next day, as he thought he could help him.
    The next day the father brings his son to the doctor's office and the doctor wrote on a piece of paper to the son to take off his clothes for a physical. The doctor than takes out a a foot long procto scope and shoves it up his a--. The young man, screams, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! The doctor tells the father, come tomorrow at the same time, and I will teach your son another letter of the alphabet.
    Steve
     
  6. grntitan

    grntitan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2009
    Messages:
    17,225
    Location:
    IL(The gun friendly Southern Part)
    That was funny Gold Medal. :)
     
  7. setool

    setool Member

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2010
    Messages:
    278
    Steve,

    I REALLY LOVED this post... My name is Mark Schneider (really close to being Italian, huh...lol). I am responding because I grew up with the "Lucente" family. Sam was my best friend, and best man at my wedding (30 years ago). Virtually everything you said is true. Four, yes four, Lucente families lived on my 1/2 block street of nine homes. They built my house, and virtually most of the rest in my neighborhood, including two of my Father's industrial buildings. Pop's came over on the boat, and had 16 full blooded children. One hell of a family, my Dad grew up with them.

    Sunday dinner at 2:00 Sunday, the "Sauce" took hours, we made dandeloin wine, the crock with green tomatoes that took months to cure, the Stroh's semi coming once a week.... I could go on and on...

    Some of my fondest memories, Thanks!

    Mark
     
  8. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2007
    Messages:
    7,577
    Location:
    Wauwatosa Wisconsin
    Mark:
    My uncle through marriage last name is DiMaggio like the baseball player. Near Milwaukee, there is a place called Glendale. Four brother's and his father Joe, all built houses in the same block. They all worked at Schlitz on 3rd shift years ago. They all drove to work together, if they were not arguing with each other.

    When they had big arguments with each other, neighbors stayed in their homes, as a few times they tried to run each other over with their cars. Do you remember the fight scene in the Godfather, when Sonny beat up his brother in law for hitting his sister? He was beating the crap out of him walking down the block as he was smashing a garbage can over his head?

    Well, I saw it first hand because one of the brothers would not give another brother a cigar because he said they were to expensive. Those were the days.
    Steve
     
  9. Gold Medal

    Gold Medal Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    343
    Steve, a number of years ago I worked in St. Louis on the edge of the italian section of town.

    The Italian people all called this section "D--o Hill. Everyone not Italian just called it "the hill" Sort of like African Americans usng the "n" word among themselves, but don`t you say it if your not AA.

    As an aside, Yogi Berra`s uncle ran a paint store there. Oddly enough called Berra`s Paint Store.

    There was also this older Italian lady named Mrs. Oldani who had a small grocery and hand made the best italian hero sandwiches going.

    I went in there one Friday evening and ordered 6 of them as we were working late. She appeared to be P---ed off at someone. I asked her what was wrong.

    She said "do you know how to tell when an italian man is lying?"

    I said no.

    She said he will say "on my childrens eyes, this is the truth."

    I never forgot her wisdom.
     
  10. porky

    porky TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    1,267
    You gotta have a drawer full of the wife beater t-shirts or else you won't qualify.
     
  11. birdogs

    birdogs TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    2,775
    You all talk about the outward manifestations of being Italian but the true essence is never apparent. The true essence of an Italian family is the "secrets". "How come Aunt Angie and Uncle Lou have been married for 30 years and have not spoken to each other for most of them?" "Why does cousin Joe wear a wedding ring although he has never been married?" "Why did daddy's brother move to California and break off all contact with the family?" And it goes on and on!

    These and a thousand other questions are rarely asked and never answered. These are the family secrets. They are more closely guarded than anything in the CIA. Even after the subjects have died, they are considered forbidden subjects. This is the essence of being Italian.
     
  12. grntitan

    grntitan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2009
    Messages:
    17,225
    Location:
    IL(The gun friendly Southern Part)
    Gold Medal-- My wifes family celebrated a wedding of their Italian cousin at Giovanni's on the Hill. Good food but not cheap. Thank goodness i didn't have the tab. IIRC, there was a Catholic Church just down the street.
     
  13. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2007
    Messages:
    7,577
    Location:
    Wauwatosa Wisconsin
    Birdogs:
    Family secrets, like when my aunt Roberta went for Electrolysis and her mustache was suddenly gone one day, and she wouldn't admit that she was given a gift certificate from her boyfriend Vince for her birthday.
    Steve

    I come from a long line of crazies with family secrets. On the internet look up my uncle, Frank Balistrieri as we all live in Milwaukee. After you read the info you will understand what I had to put up with growing up.

    My uncle Frank was always worried that someone would attempt to take him out. He had a beautiful home and he would have his wife start his car every morning during the winter as he would walk to the far end of the house, while she would warm up his car.
    It was a beautiful life, NOT!!!
    Steve
     
  14. porky

    porky TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    1,267
    I can't wait for someone to come on here and say that they are offended. They haven't a clue about what, but still they are offended because it might offend someone else. So Steve, I am half Italian and I tell these jokes all the time, but in order to beat the idiots to the punch, let me say that I could possibly be offended. I don't know why, but in case some person without adequate things to do in life gets their hair up in a frazzle, let me say it first. Read this all with toungue in cheek and your fingers crossed. I just love ethnic jokes.
     
  15. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2007
    Messages:
    7,577
    Location:
    Wauwatosa Wisconsin
    Git-ER-Done:
    I'll second your being offended, and raise you one offended, your call, are you going to check, or are you going to out offend me?? In all seriousness, I grew up in a veterans housing project, with Germans, Polish, Blacks,Irish,Serbs , you name it.

    One thing I can guarantee you, every nationality has their own funny stories about their relatives. If we were not playing baseball, we were sitting around playing Sheepshead, (a card game, played a lot in Wisconsin) and telling jokes or talking about our family and or distant relatives.

    When I was in the Army I took basic training at Fort Lewis, Washington. We had 55 guys in my platoon. thirty five were Black from the South, three of us from Milwaukee, and the rest from down South. I attempted to teach them Sheepshead, and I wanted to pull my hair out of my head. So after a few hours they taught me a card game called "Hearts".

    My had an E7 Sergent who was 6'5" tall, meaner than a junk yard dog, until we graduated. He turned out to be a nice guy, I and he is still living today, and I still email or write to him on occasion.

    He had an E5 assistant who's wife left him during my time in basic and he went AWOL. He came back just before it would have been desertion. He was busted. We had a good time despite the Sergent working us to death. We joked a lot and had only a few fights, just like a family.
    Steve
     
  16. Leo

    Leo Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    3,051
    My name is Leo, I come from the south side of Chicago, and I smell like garlic, even after breakfast. I approve of these postings, anyone think they gotta problem with that?!
     
  17. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2007
    Messages:
    7,577
    Location:
    Wauwatosa Wisconsin
    Leo:
    We need more guys like you.
    Steve
     
  18. Don Steele

    Don Steele Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    1,541
    Location:
    Florida's beautiful E. Coast
    In our house...it's GRAVY.
    Mama called me a mamaluke whenever I acted up as a kid...AND she hit me with a wooden spoon.
    ALL GOOD..!!!
     
  19. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2007
    Messages:
    7,577
    Location:
    Wauwatosa Wisconsin
    Don:
    My Nana was 4'10" tall, and weighed 280 lbs. I loved her dearly, but she looked like a Coke machine with a head on placed on top. As a child, I remember staying over night and sleeping in her bed. The bedroom was filled with lighted candles as it looked like a church.

    I asked her why all the candles? She said if someone dies during the night, one of the candles will go out. I remember waking up constantly, looking to see if any of the candles went out, as I was afraid one of my relatives would have died.

    She was a great cook. We ate pasta every day, all different ways she made it. When she would pack my lunch you could have followed me to school with the trail of olive oil that leaked out of my lunch bag. How many kids would be packed an artichoke sandwich???

    When I would visit here, first thing out of her mouth was her asking me if I was hungry. Regardless, even if I said no, she would still make me Veal steak and potatoes, and put the plate in front of me and utter those famous words like music to my ears, "mongia".

    She would have my Nanu drop her off and she would come out of the car with all her bowls and supplies as she would make me homemade Italian bread. The aroma that went through the house and into the neighborhood was something to die for. She would yell at me if I was running through the house as she had a huge metal bowl with the hand kneaded dough in it with a white towel over the bowl as she was waiting for the bread to rise, and she would tell me if I continued running the dough would go flat. Then when she took the break out of the oven I can remember waiting for it to cool off so I could have a slice with butter as it melted.

    I miss her.
    Steve
     
  20. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2007
    Messages:
    7,577
    Location:
    Wauwatosa Wisconsin
    On a side note, I was drafted into the Army, and the day I was leaving, I must of had every relative in Milwaukee and Chicago at General Mitchel field. My grandmother told everyone who would listen that her grandson was going to serve his country. At that time there were some young men fleeing to Canada, and she was very proud.

    My grandmother wrote to me every single day while I was in the Service. Every week like clock work, a package arrived with all my favorite foods.

    The day I returned home, I went to visit my Nana along with my future wife. As I was leaving, I remember the look on her face like it was yesterday, when she told me to visit her often, as she was very lonely, as my grandfather passed away a few years earlier.

    My future wife and I spent the day shopping, going out for at late lunch, having a good time. We returned to my parents house around 4pm and my father was sitting at the kitchen table with the shades pulled down. I said as I entered jokingly, did somebody die, as it was so dark in the kitchen?

    My father looked up at me and for the first time in my life I saw a tear running down his cheek. About an hour after We left my grandmother's home, my dad told me that the neighbor lady called him stating that she found my grandmother laying on her kitchen floor. She died of an apparent heart attack.

    Life is hard to understand sometimes, as it was like she lived long enough to see me come home from the Army and then she passed away. I have great memories, of my grandparents, hopefully you do too.
    Steve
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.