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You know you're a redneck when

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by porky, May 31, 2012.

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  1. porky

    porky TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    You know you

    Yes, the new one is out! Brand new edition of...

    "You know you're a redneck when......

    You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

    You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

    You burn your yard rather than mow it.

    You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

    The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

    You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

    You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

    You come back from the dump with more than you took.

    You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

    Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

    Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

    You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

    You have a rag for a gas cap.

    Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

    You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

    You can spit without opening your mouth.

    You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

    Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

    You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

    The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

    Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

    You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

    A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

    You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

    You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

    You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
  2. chemist

    chemist Member

    Nov 19, 2007
    joe, you gotta get out from in front of that computer and go shoot some more birdies or go weed the north pasture.

  3. Brian in Oregon

    Brian in Oregon Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Deplorable Bitter Clinger in Liberal La La Land
    You have five pickup trucks, and four of them don't run.

    Your porch collapsed and killed a half dozen hound dogs.

    Your bass boat costs more than your singlewide.
  4. tarhawk

    tarhawk TS Member

    Nov 22, 2008
    Definition of a prosperous redneck: Not one but two broken down trucks in the front yard.
  5. 8 Straight

    8 Straight Active Member

    Nov 15, 2009
    NW PA
    Anyone in your immediate family ever put a Bigmouth Billy Bass on their wedding gift registery.
  6. 3dram8

    3dram8 Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    I've always liked this one:

    ....when you go to your family re-union to pick up chicks!
  7. acorange

    acorange Well-Known Member

    Sep 13, 2008
    S.E. Iowa
    I was recently listening to a local radio station show on area stock car racing
    and the drivers were talking about their equipment,sponsors,pit crew etc...
    and made up this redneck joke but it is a true story.

    you might be a redneck if one of the sponsors on your late model stock car is the local adult book store.
  8. Ahab

    Ahab Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    You are really a redneck if your Mother in Law comes out of the Rest Room and yells "Anyone want to see this afore I flush it?"
  9. wolfram

    wolfram Well-Known Member

    Jul 17, 2007
    'You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.'

    Dang, I thought that was just my little secret ......
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