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Wipes

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by dhip, Jan 27, 2012.

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  1. dhip

    dhip Active Member

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    OK,it's embarressing enough ,but,my wife says I find all answers here so she wanted me to post it here to find out what's wrong with me.

    It's all about cleaniong your backside after use.Seems ever since I crossed over the Fifty mark I can't get it clean enough without excessive measures as my wife says.

    I use toilet paper first,then a wipe(similiar to wet ones,then I use paper again.Then just because I'm still not sure I use a wash cloth to make sure.There's the problem,wife is complaining I'm using too many wash clothes and keeping the laundry filled with them.Actually,she's miffed when she goes to get one to was with and there's none on the shelf..

    So,with such great intelligence,and so many more experienced people here on this site,How,What,does everyone do to make sure their clean.And,have you noticed this particuliar problem also raising it's head after you passed the Fifty mark.If your not past Fifty,no need to reply,since you haven't lived long enough to experience this problem.

    Thanks in advance,I'm sure there's going to be plenty of responses.Also,since she requested me to post it,You bet I'm gonna make her read the answers.

    Doug H.
     
  2. Tron

    Tron Supporting Vendor Supporting Vendor

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    Use Breakfree CLP in the spray can. It suspends particals.
     
  3. trapshootin hippie

    trapshootin hippie Well-Known Member

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    I just hate dangling participles.
     
  4. John Galt

    John Galt TS Member

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    Just do it the way the Muslims do it- use your hand.
     
  5. Uncle Sam

    Uncle Sam Member

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    I would suggest a cork.........
     
  6. wingmaster78

    wingmaster78 Active Member

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    Are you serious? If your wife is the one having the problem with you not "getting clean" as you put it, have her do it for you. We can only do the best we can doing something that none of us can actually see.
     
  7. Tron

    Tron Supporting Vendor Supporting Vendor

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    I agree with wingmaster. Do you have any pictures?
     
  8. dhip

    dhip Active Member

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    No,she just has a problem of the using of wash cloths.I'm the one with the obsession I guess you could say of being clean.I hate a stinking butt,so I go over board I guess,to make sure mine doesn't stink.If I'm in an accident,I couldn't bear the thought someone would think I had a dirty butt,let alone skid marked underwear.

    Doug H.
     
  9. Bird30

    Bird30 TS Member

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    Get you some baby wipes. It works on babies, it ought to work on you.

    Dave
     
  10. rustygun

    rustygun Member

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    Drag your ass down the driveway, it works for my dog.

    I hope this was posted in the political section where it belongs.
     
  11. joe90t

    joe90t Active Member

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    "Have An Accident And Worried About Dirty Underwear" It Will Not Matter either Way If You See A Greyhound Bus In Your LANE, Your Shorts WILL be "Dirty". Joe W.
     
  12. rustygun

    rustygun Member

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    Here's an idea.
     
  13. Norsky

    Norsky Member

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    Can't help you dhip, but at the age of 69 I can sympathize. I would suggest that you get good, absorbent tissue, not the cheap stuff.

    Thanks for the replies, I needed a laugh.

    Regards,
    Ray
     
  14. hoot619

    hoot619 Member

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    Hell use metamuci fibre in the powder form mix with water. My Doc's selling point for me was- you can crap in the woods like a bear using no paper what so ever. And after being on it for 2 days found out he is right. Not a trace of anything on the t.paper. It might sound stupid but it works. Ken U. they don't call me a Finnish genius just for the hell of it.

    That why you never see a bear carrying T.P. in the woods, they don't need it!
     
  15. Steve A.

    Steve A. Member

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    Made too many trips to the south end of Kendrick Memorial for rear end repairs.... I use a double dose of Metamucil twice a day to (try) to keep as consistant as possible. I also use Tucks for the final cleaning of the often puckered area.
     
  16. WS-1

    WS-1 Banned User Banned

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    I'm kind of embarrassed (no pun intended) but Hoot619 has it right. It's all about the fiber. Get into a regular program with one of the better powdered fiber mixes and those big honkers will start coming out cellophane wrapped.
     
  17. dhip

    dhip Active Member

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    Thanks for the replys,some have been fun,and some I'll have to try.I have wondered if the meds I'm on cause some of the problem. Omaprazole for Acid reflux(it's been known to soften stool),Flaxseed oil to help control cholesterol( I'm sure the oil isn't helping solidifying anything),and Red Yeast rice with CoQ10 for cholestorol.

    Thanks again,and this was posted in off topics I believe,,LOL

    Doug H.
     
  18. djldb6

    djldb6 Member

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    In addition to fiber, I would add a probiotic. Since I started taking 50 billion CFU's/day all is well inside and out.

    Dan
     
  19. Tdog

    Tdog TS Member

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    Doug, I believe you have the same problem as the Starship Enterprise. You spend all your time flying around ur-anus wiping out Kling-ons. Sorry, I couldn't resist!
     
  20. quartering

    quartering Active Member

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    you can go to wal mart and buy 100 wash cloths for about 25 bucks. and if i was your wife, i'd make you buy your own washing machine as well. gross
     
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