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Wife's cat- humor

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by porky, Aug 23, 2012.

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  1. porky

    porky TS Member

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    Wife

    THE WIFE’S CAT

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day
    by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he
    arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway in front of his car.

    The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast
    out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

    He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always beat
    him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then
    left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached
    what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

    Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

    "Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

    Frustrated, the man answered, "Put the little bastard on the phone; I'm lost
    and I need directions."
     
  2. cnsane

    cnsane Member

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    Same animal, different vein:

    How do you make a ditch tiger sound like a dog?

    Dump a little gasoline on it and when you toss a match near it, it goes "WOOF"

    Up for every feral cat that has killed a game bird or song bird.
     
  3. K80433SC

    K80433SC Member

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    And I would guess that you NEVER eat, either ? OH.......that's right.......you are a HUMAN, so that justifies your existance on this planet.

    Some of you guys are just Fu**kin' stupid....plain & simple !
     
  4. Loyac

    Loyac Member

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    K80433SC... Hear, hear...
     
  5. revbook

    revbook Member

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    K80433SC What an angry person!
     
  6. WS-1

    WS-1 Banned User Banned

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    Probably doesn't like the Chinese very much.............
     
  7. wolfram

    wolfram Well-Known Member

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    More like has a low tolerance for cruelty to animals.
     
  8. Shooting Sailor

    Shooting Sailor Well-Known Member

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    Speaking of cats, what do you all think of this? A neighbor has cats which she lets roam loose. Next door to her lives a family with two German Short Hair Pointers who are brothers from the same litter. Needless to say, her cat has gone into the yard next door and met the GSPs, who killed it. This is the second neighborhood cat to have been killed by these dogs in the last year or so. She is all upset about her poor poor cat, and is mad at the neighbors and their dogs. I know how I feel about the situation, but how do you all feel about it?
     
  9. cnsane

    cnsane Member

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    Did some people get sand in their cracks because of my joke. Hey, pull your heads out of the sand and google feral cats and the destruction of game bird populations.

    Also K-80 sporting clays: To educate you in front of the whole world- cats kill for pleasure much more than for subsistance. Killing a feral cat is akin to killing prarie dogs and feral hogs. You try to spin it into whacking poor Fluffy in the back yard while the irresponsible owner watches. Nice try. Does your red meat come from a PETA approved source, or are you abbetting cruelty to cattle. Or maybe feigned indignation as a form of hypocrasy.
     
  10. Don Steele

    Don Steele Well-Known Member

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    Location:
    Florida's beautiful E. Coast
    The cat owners are totally responsible for the death of their pets.
    I have a cat. My cat stays in the house, or on our screen porch. ONCE....the wife let her out into the yard..."it's such a beautiful day" she said.
    Our neighbors at that time had 2 Pit Bulls. They were not restrained in any way, which was not a problem since they were on their screen porch.
    That is UNTIL THEY SAW MY CAT....They went THROUGH THE SCREEN and nailed her in the middle of my back yard. This all happened VERY quickly and with no warning( there was no barking from the dogs before they went through the screen). Fortunately,she was able to break away and get under the car before suffering much damage. The neighbor and his son came over and retrieved their dogs. I quietly told him that if I so much as SAW one of those beautiful Pits on my property (I love dogs)...I would instantly kill it with no further warning. "THIS IS THE WARNING" I told him. "Control your animals...DO NOT make me do it".
    Please don't waste bandwidth telling about any laws you may or may not know about that might apply...I don't care. The dogs die. Period.
    For the good of all....that neighbor has since moved away.
     
  11. Razorback

    Razorback TS Member

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    Well said sir....
     
  12. WS-1

    WS-1 Banned User Banned

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    I guess my point was that the Chinese eat cats...don't they?
     
  13. Two Dogs

    Two Dogs Well-Known Member

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    They shoot horses don't they?
     
  14. Ahab

    Ahab Well-Known Member

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  15. WS-1

    WS-1 Banned User Banned

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    Oh well, I wanted a new keyboard, anyhow.
     
  16. Psycho

    Psycho TS Member

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    How to get the cooks out of the kitchen at the chinese restaurant? Go behind the dumpster and "meow"
     
  17. HSLDS

    HSLDS Well-Known Member

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    S-E PA
    And the Pres. eats dogs...
    [​IMG]
     
  18. 2500 HD

    2500 HD Active Member

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    Looks like Mooochelle lost a little wieght in that pic.
     
  19. slayer

    slayer Well-Known Member

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    beautiful northern michigan
    When we go on a pheasant hunt here in mid MI, cats are fair game on the family farm. Keep kitty in the house. Bill
     
  20. Catpower

    Catpower Molon Labe TS Supporters

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    2500, no her getto booty is hidden behind the counter top, she's wedge shaped
     
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