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Why do these things happen to me???

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by senior smoke, Jan 20, 2013.

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  1. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

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    Hello:
    As I was leaving my mother's condo the other day, my mother hands me a big box of prunes, and said eat these, they are very good for you.

    To my knowledge, I have never had prune juice or tasted prunes in the past. I don't even like the way they look. With that being said, I was watching tv the other night and we were out of snacks so I took a chance and opened the box and tasted a prune.

    To my surprise they tasted great. While watching a movie, I was eating these prunes, and before long I finshed the entire box off. Now my mom said eat these, they are good for you, but my wife asked me if I was crazy, eating the entire box?

    My mom said they were good for me, but my wife insist she didn't mean to eat the entire box. All I can say, is that my mother should be arrested for giving me these fricken prunes.

    I have been crapping like a race horse since I ate this sh--. My wife said that prunes are always on the menu at nursing homes, and are always on the menu for senior meal plans.

    There should be a law, just like the cigarette companies being required to warn people not to eat the entire box at one sitting, or it could be hazordus to your health.

    I asked a good friend yesterday "why do these things happen to me"? He said because your an as-h---, that's way. Maybe so, but this is inhumane. If she wasn't my mother I'd swear I'd have her arrested.

    Any of you, ever eat fricken prunes?
    Steve Balistreri
     
  2. slayer

    slayer Well-Known Member

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    Dried cranberries does it for me, not that I need any help. I also learned the hard way. I took some out to the deer stand!! Bill
     
  3. MGeslock

    MGeslock TS Member

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    Thanks! I now need a new monitor... Just spit coffee all over it laughing!
     
  4. shot410ga

    shot410ga Well-Known Member

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    All they are are dried plums.
     
  5. shadow

    shadow Active Member

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    I always wanted the prune juice distributorship in Miami Beach.
     
  6. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

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    Location:
    Wauwatosa Wisconsin
    Shadow:
    You would be a very very rich man.
    Steve

    Mgeslock:
    Sorry about your monitor. At the bank that I once worked at, we also had a call center. They purchased all new computers and told the employees if you spill any drinks on the computers we will no longer allow employees to eat at their cubicle.

    On the very first day, one of the gals orderd ribs for lunch. She had red sauce on her key board, rib bones in her waste basket, place smelled really good, like Adam's rib in Chicago from the old Mash series.

    She did not order cole slaw though, no coleslaw?? Regardless, she cleaned up the mess, but I later heard one of her keys was sticking. We had to have it cleaned.
    Steve
     
  7. hoot619

    hoot619 Member

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    I like them but in moderation. Dried apricots are better but too many same

    results. A few years ago reading up on good food for deer camp it said a good

    breakfast was important. That oatmeal would be about the best to have. So I did

    for about a week or so. It helped me stay warm in blind real good. Only side

    effect was never using our outhouse at camp. Went like a bear in the woods only

    problem was I had a high ridge blind and hill was steep . About 30 ft to the

    bottom. When the signal came it was time to go I had to get moving. Was darn

    lucky not to have a accident in more ways than one. Now I just turn the heat

    up more. I'm inching past 70 and body functions are speeding up and I is slow

    ing down. Next blind a 2 seater one to sit and one to well you know. Ken U
     
  8. Catpower

    Catpower Molon Labe TS Supporters

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    Yup they will make you regular as they say

    So will Milk of Magnesia, one time many moons ago we were moving, everything was packed and I was super hungry, there was a can of pork and beans that some how didn't get packed so I wolfed them down, that was before all the acid reflux drugs, and I would get heart burn from drinking water and the beans really gave it to me, there was a bottle of Milk of Magnesia there I had no idea where t came from but I looked at the label and it said Anti acid and laxative, I some how missed the laxative part and took a big gulp of two of it, man it was nasty

    Drove about 50 miles to our new house, and I ran for the bathroom, it was so bad my wife and buddy had the moving van unloaded before I felt safe to get up

    I didn't know I was that full of Sh$%
     
  9. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

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    After reading some of these stories, mine doesn't seem so bad.
    Steve
     
  10. BIGDON

    BIGDON Well-Known Member

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    I always thought you were full of it and your mother must have realized it also and was trying to help you out.

    Don
     
  11. b12

    b12 Well-Known Member

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    This is a true story so bare with me. When I was about 14 or 15 I use to set trap at the conservation down at the river for the old guys. I later got to shoot once in a while and really enjoyed shooting trap. I wanted to do it all the time but if I did their would be nobody to set the birds. The guys told me if I found someone who would do it for the same pay to fill in for me fine I could go ahead and shoot as much as I wanted.
    Well my school mate told them he would do it for the same pay and a hamberger every so often. Fine with the oldtimers. But the butthead didn't want to give the job up and he was eating hambergers like lifesavers. The guys were starting to complain about him eating so much.
    We would walk to the club from our small town. One Sunday morning of a shoot I went to the only restauruant in town and bought a box of fenamint which is a laxative and they looked like chickletts chewing gum. I bought a box of chickletts gum, dumped them out and refilled it with fenamint except the top 3 pieces. I knew when I got them out of my pocket this asshole buddy would beg me for a piece. Well I took out the top 3 pieces and put them in my mouth on our walk to the club. This socalled buddy said, give me one of them. I told him they taste like crap. He could have the whole pack.
    Within the next 15 minutes he had the whole dang pack in his mouth chewing up a storm. We got to the club just in time to start. The guys yelling to the sitter hurry up we are waiting.

    The first game of 10 bird went out and shot. Then I shot on the 2nd round of 10 bird. The the 3rd of 10 bird was shot. Then Warren who was one of the old timers came out of the club watching the 4rd. When it was over he said I wounder what the hells wrong with that kid in the trap house he usually been in here and ate 3 or 4 hambergers by now. I better go check on him.

    Well I watched him lean over the front of the trap house to look in side. His head jerked back and he straighten up and started for the club house. As he went by me and the other guys he said, Quote:J C. don't go out their that kid shit all over everthing. Well I got my job back and my buddy never figured out why he got the back door trots. Bill
    PS he really wasn't my buddy he just followed me wherever I went.
     
  12. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

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    Don:
    LOL, what ever I was full of, no more, Trust me on this!
    Steve

    b12:
    Good story.
    Steve
     
  13. slayer

    slayer Well-Known Member

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    great story, Bill. We used to pull a lot of stunts with the old feen a mints. Bill
     
  14. Hauxfan

    Hauxfan Well-Known Member

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    I have been eating 4 dried prunes every day for a couple of years.

    Glad I didn't overdose like you did Steve! LOL LOL

    Hauxfan!
     
  15. halfmile

    halfmile Well-Known Member

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    A small glass of prune juice in the morning beats any chemical garbage.

    If you are regular the morning coffee gets the guts going. My uncle Bill was a crane operator and usually worked in town digging for sewer contractors. Of course, inside the crane was a coffe can for peeing in. But if he would have to crap there was usually no place to do it, or he had to go to some establishment and the whole crew had to wait. Needless to say this didn't fit very well, and he was not a coffee drinker.

    So he used to drink a glass of hot water every morning when he got up. Before he left for work the job was done. He told me this one day after laughing at me (a teenager) trying to crap in the woods.

    HM
     
  16. BT-100dc

    BT-100dc Active Member

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    The "ate 1 box in one sitting". did that include the sitting on the toilet? I guess that would be 2 sittings. BT100dc
     
  17. CalvinMD

    CalvinMD Well-Known Member

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    Steve,..I think your mom was trying to give you a hint that maybe you've been slacking on your "sonly dooties"
     
  18. b12

    b12 Well-Known Member

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    Same guy different time. My cousin and I use to go camping the night before squirrel season opened. Then a week later school would begin again. So we would get our gear and go to the river and head to our favorite squirrle area. Well the last year we went this same guy wanted to go along with us. We new we would not be able to shake him. Besides we figure we could use him to keep us supplied in wood for the camp fire and keep it burning till my cousin and I would doze off to sleep. We camped on the edge of a bank that had about a 30' drop to the river. The bank was pretty steep. I carried a 410 and my cousin carried a 12 gauge 3" mag. He also shot heavy duck loads in that thing. Just in case he seen a cat or came up on a ground hog.
    As we woke up the next morning we got this fellow up to get the fire going and make some breakfast. Now he was our age but we would not let him carry a gun. He was just to darn dangerous with anything. My cousin asked him if he would like to shoot one of our guns. He thought a minute and said I'll shoot Bills. I knew my cousin was up to something so I played along. I said ok, so I put a shell in and called Dave ( thats what I'll call him for his sake) over to the edge of the bank and told him to shoot out in the river. He pulled up aimed then closed both eyes and boom. The shot scattered out in the river and he turned around and said that wasn't bad at all. We told him how good he looked shooting out in the river. His chest was about to pop his buttons on his shirt.
    Well now comes the fun. My cousin said Dave why don't you shoot mine. He said uh uh. My cousin said why not. Dave said that gun is to big. My cousin said look Dave my gun is heavy for a purpose. Its made so it don't have as much recoil as bills. He said no I don't believe it. My cousin said yes that is the purpose and look Bills gun has 410 gauges and mine only has 12 gauges so you don't feel anyting. Well the dip butt fell for the line. My cousin slipped in one of those dynamite sticks in the chamber and handed him the gun and said have fun. Dave took aim out in the river but my cousin stopped him and said Dave don't shoot out in the river. If your going to learn to hunt squirrel you got to shoot in the trees so pick a limb up in the tree and shoot it to test your aim. We'll we all turned around with our backs to the river bank and picked a limb straight up in the tree. We told Dave if you can hit that limb up their then well let you shoot a squirrel. Man alive this is going to be good. Dave took careful aim pointing straigt up. Squinted one eye and BLAM goes the gun. The recoil pushed Dave backwards and he lost his balance going over the bank. He still had my cousins gun in his hand going down the bank while screaming you bastards. He let go of the gun which slide down but caught on some brush and did not go in the river but Dave did. My cousin jump down the bank to get his gun but the bank was so steep that he went right on past the gun and out in the river. I easd myself down the bank backwards slowly to the gun and grabbed it. In the mean time my cousin is beating the shit out of Dave for dropping the gun. Dave is screaming and holloring don't drown me. I tried going back up the bank with the gun but the bank was to steep. We all ended up in the river going down stream till we got to a place we could get out and back up on dry land that was not so steep. We had Dave get more fire wood so we could dry our cloths. We kept our eye on Dave cause we new he wanted to go home but my cousin would not let him till our clothes was dry.
    Well that was life in the little town I grew up in. Only about 500 people scattered out in that area. Us kids all worked for the surrounding farmers which gaves us the money to buy ammo and go to the fair. Bill
     
  19. Hotrod67

    Hotrod67 Member

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    Steve, I think your mom set you up. She wanted you to know she still has a sense of humor.
     
  20. CalvinMD

    CalvinMD Well-Known Member

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    I sure hope you didn't do a Roker in your pants Steve..If so, I'm having reservations about ever squadding with you : P
     
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