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Where to retire??

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by porky, May 5, 2012.

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  1. porky

    porky TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    I was thinking about moving and a friend sent this to me.

    You can retire to ARIZONA, where...

    1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.

    2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

    3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave the county.

    4. You have over 194 recipes for Mexican food.

    5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

    6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME??!!

    You can retire to California where...

    1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.

    2. The fastest part of your commute is backing down your driveway.

    3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

    4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

    5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

    6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

    You can retire to New York City where...

    1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .

    2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

    3. You think Central Park is "nature."

    4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

    5. You've worn out a car horn.

    6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

    You can retire to Wisconsin where.. .

    1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .

    2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.

    3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.

    4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

    5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

    You can retire to Texas where...

    1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

    2. Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.

    3. " He needed killin' " is a valid defense.

    4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

    5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

    You can retire to Colorado where...

    1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

    2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.

    3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

    4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

    You can retire to the Midwest where...

    1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

    2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

    3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.

    4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"

    5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

    FINALLY You can retire to South Florida where.

    1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

    2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.

    3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.

    4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

    5. Cars in front of you appear to be driven by headless people
  2. grntitan

    grntitan Well-Known Member

    Mar 25, 2009
    IL(The gun friendly Southern Part)
    That was good and very true of all the areas. I laughed the whole time I was reading it.
  3. hmb

    hmb Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    At least NYS has a law that once you receive a pension benefit, it can never be diminished. HMB
  4. Bluzman98

    Bluzman98 Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Good observations...funny...and so true.

    Jim C
  5. Allen-MX8

    Allen-MX8 Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    I will still choose Missouri where if you don't like the weather, "just wait a while" and it will change!

  6. slayer

    slayer Well-Known Member

    Nov 16, 2006
    beautiful northern michigan
    I have retired to northern MI where you can get snowed on and sunburnt in the same week. It has already happened to me this year. Bill
  7. bigdogtx

    bigdogtx Well-Known Member

    Aug 5, 2006
    No. 6 for FL is FUNNY,,,,,seen them before and they scared me.....
  8. dhip

    dhip Active Member

    Nov 14, 2009
    I think you stole the Texas one from W.V.

    Doug H.
  9. porky

    porky TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Anybody know about Arkansas? I always had a desire to live there.
  10. One Eyed Left Handed

    One Eyed Left Handed TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Git-ER-Done, post was REALLY funny! I'm gonna read it Wednesday night at the local club!

  11. esoxhunter

    esoxhunter Well-Known Member

    Mar 15, 2006
    Git Er Done: I have a house in Hot Springs Village Arkansas that I am selling. If interested shoot me an email. I can forward pictures. It's furnished and everything. It's a gated community with 8 golf courses and 9 lakes. Ed
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