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When Should Children Move Out?

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by marlin M-12, Jul 8, 2013.

  1. marlin M-12

    marlin M-12 TS Member

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    I went shooting yesterday with a friend and afterwards we went for a steak and a couple of cold ones. My friend spent most of the night talking about his son who is in his early 30's and who still lives at home. He wanted my opinion and advice as to what to do about it as he is concerned his son could be there for the rest of his life. I guess the son drinks a lot, gambles more than he should and never dates. I didn't have any answers for him as my son moved out before he was 19, owns a home, is married, has a child, and has another on the way. Seriously, I feel for him but just didn't know what to say for fear of making him feel worse or insulting him. Mostly I just listened but agreed with him that it's not "typical" for a man in his 30's to be living with his mother and father. I wish I could have offered more bits of wisdom, but couldn't.

    Anyone else dealing with this and have you anything constructive I can pass on to him?

    thanx
     
  2. APrice

    APrice Active Member

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    LOL! You must be related to senior smoke.
     
  3. grntitan

    grntitan Well-Known Member

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    P3AT,

    I'm pretty sure we had the same dad.
     
  4. MNGuns

    MNGuns Member

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    I graduated high school on Friday. Left for Parris Island the following Monday. Got more fingers than I have trips back home. Such is life...
     
  5. sterlingworth

    sterlingworth Active Member

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    Does the son pay any rent? Best way to get him to leave is charge rent and make it worth your friends while. After a fashion he'll get the message.
     
  6. Shooting Sailor

    Shooting Sailor Well-Known Member

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    I was officially living at home until I got married at age 26, but I spent so little time ashore, it didn't make sense to have my own place, which would stay empty for months at a time. When I was ashore, I was chasing women, partying, and having fun, so I wasn't home much, then, either. I did, however, pay my parents rent while based at home.

    If he has a job, the kid should be either paying rent equal to what he would pay for his own apartment, or hit the tracks. The drinking and gambling are his problem, not his parent's, and they shouldn't enable him to live a lifestyle like he does, without paying a goodly amount to them.
     
  7. joe kuhn

    joe kuhn Furry Lives Matter TS Supporters

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    Sister wouldn't move out the house. Mom started charging for phone, rent, gasoline, etc. One day sister said, "It'd be cheaper to get my own apartment. Then I could live by my own rules." Wasn't long after that and she was gone.

    Me? I found my stuff in the garage one day.
     
  8. rpeerless

    rpeerless Well-Known Member

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    Struck out on my own early and worked my way up, got a job in CA and was a self supporting professional @ 30 only to find that ALL of the same age people I worked with were still living at home, some older than me and some single parents. The reason was that apartments and houses were so high priced and living home "kids" could keep the money in the family and buy a new car etc or return to school for classes. Exiting servicemen and women in their twenties also lived at home unless they were married with families and both parents working to pay rent, expenses and childcare.
    I was fortunate to find an efficiency that was affordable and rare.
    So I say it is a double edged sword and it just depends on the family and the finances. Right now it's all part time work and young professionals are working two and three part time jobs without benefits just to sustain an income.
     
  9. ysr_racer

    ysr_racer Active Member

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    I work with a woman that's raising veal. Her daughter is 21 going on 12.

    It makes me sick.
     
  10. Rick in Ohio

    Rick in Ohio Member

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    My wife and I have some what the same thing only we enjoy having our 35 year old daughter and are 12 year old grand daughter living with us. They do pay rent and live in are walk out basement. There are times it would be nice if it was just me and the wife here but then there a lot of times its really nice to have them around here now that we are getting older. Besides I think we really miss not seeing are grand daughter every day if they would move out on their own. My wife and I have had are grand daughter sents she was a baby.

    It all depends on how much you enjoy having them around.

    The grand daughter just ask yesterday grandpa can you take me out shooting, so we all loaded up and took her. For a 12 year old she a hell of a shot with a rifle and also with a hand gun. We are working on the trap gun stuff but she having a hard time with holding the trap gun up right now but we are working on it.



    rickinohio_2009_2704216.jpg

    rickinohio_2009_2704218.jpg

    rickinohio_2009_2704220.jpg
     
  11. slayer

    slayer Well-Known Member

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    We never made the kids pay but kept a lot of ground rules in effect, including an early "lights out or in your room" rule. Also always a curfew on any night. I had to get up early and move the mail and I didn't lose sleep for anybody. It kept them working and studying and moving along with their lives. You make it easy to be a useless slob and that's what they will be. Bill
     
  12. chuckie68

    chuckie68 Active Member

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    I moved out of my parents house in 1971 at the age of 19. Never looked back, except when I bought my first house and had to stay with them while I was wating for the previous owners to move. Then after my Dad passed my Mom stayed in that house for another 20 years. When it was the right time for her to sell the house,she did. The next 6 years til she died, she lived with me for 2 weeks out of every six and my two sisters for the other four weeks. My sisters and I played pass the mom for about 7 years til she died. There are lots of really great memories.

    Chuck
     
  13. Rick in Ohio

    Rick in Ohio Member

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    Slayer

    That's not always the case. Are daughter works her but off doing home closings & financing for banks. Not only does she work all week long and long hours she evens works on Saturday and Sunday at times. She is a go get her and this is why we think its best for the grand daughter and her mother to live with us.
     
  14. slayer

    slayer Well-Known Member

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    Rick I certainly wasn't referring to your situation! It's great that you have a hard working daughter and can help her out. I was referring to the original posters situation. Bill
     
  15. Hauxfan

    Hauxfan Well-Known Member

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    It sounds like they need to give there son 50 cents and a road map.



    Hauxfan!
     
  16. Shooting Jack

    Shooting Jack Active Member

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    A friend of mine offered me some advice when my first son left home. He said to give them their bed and they would not have any place to come back to. LOL Worked too. Jackie B.
     
  17. need to shoot more

    need to shoot more Active Member

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    If the child is a benefit in the home ie; working ( steady ) keeps the place clean helping out and doing chores and putting a couple of bucks to the kitty I have no problem with it. Are the adults getting along????Does it make sense?? I left home at 26 leaving a newly widowed Mother with a disabled Daughter/Sister a lot of guilt was there my first months of marriage.
     
  18. R.Kipling

    R.Kipling Well-Known Member

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    When you have the room, and the setting, a child (or grandchild) in need may be a family/Christian duty. Dispensing with responsibilities and civil rules is not an option, though.

    I've had both children, and grand children rebound with us in the past. Always short term because they were on the mend, or between some life event. And, my wife and I don't let them forget that they are still moving forward, as they were taught.

    I really enjoy having the grand kids around, but it's also nice to see them go after a while. My wife is an empty-nester, and it's harder on her.

    There is nothing wrong with written ground rules for the house, and a clear understanding of them. That's not to say that we don't have a good time, because we do. Cookouts, day trips, and shooting events always increase when one of them drops in.

    It would be a cold day in -ell when we supported a drinking/gambling 30 years old longer than it took to get him to AA and GA. Sometimes consequences have to be negative for people to learn.

    Here's something all my children know by heart: The definition of learning is - an event that causes a beneficial change in behavior. We all live by it here. My best wishes to your friend, and his son. I hope and pray that he has the strength to adjust, adapt and overcome.

    Kip
     
  19. mcneeley5

    mcneeley5 Member

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    My kids have come and gone several times. As long as they have goals and are working towards them I will be there to help. I have moved cargo trailers 2000 miles and baby sat dogs and cats, plus housed the kids, it's what I do! I do know leaving home as I left at 16, waited till I could sign up for the Army at 17--a crappy way to go.
     
  20. birdogs

    birdogs TS Member

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    Don't ever let them move in! When you wife wants to bring that cute little bundle home from the hospital, remind her when she would not let you bring home that new puppy. 'nough said!