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Unromantic Valentine's Day Poems.......

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Hauxfan, Feb 14, 2009.

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  1. Hauxfan

    Hauxfan Well-Known Member

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    Unromantic Valentine

    The following are entries to a contest by the Washington Post, in which respondents had to write a two-line romantic poem ... except that the last line had to be as unromantic...as the first line was romantic.


    1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,

    Marrying you screwed up my life.


    2. I see your face when I am dreaming.

    That's why I always wake up screaming.


    3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,

    This describes everything you are not.


    4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,

    But I only slept with you because I was p*ssed.


    5. I thought that I could love no other,

    That is, until I met your brother.


    6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you,

    But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.


    7. I want to feel your sweet embrace,

    But don't take that paper bag off your face.


    8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.

    Damn, I'm good at telling lies!


    9. My love, you take my breath away.

    What have you stepped in to smell this way?


    10. My feelings for you no words can tell,

    Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'


    11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?

    Two parts vodka, one part lime.

    12. Seeing you I could only think of sex,
    But all you could think.......who was next!
     
  2. Rem870TB

    Rem870TB Active Member

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    How about one from a small town down the road from here, where coincidentaly, many ER visits start with the phrase "HOLD MY BEER, WATCH THIS!!!"


    Roses are Red

    Violets are Blue

    You're a wonderfull Wife

    And Sister, too.
     
  3. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

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    Have you read those to your wife? Let me know how that works out
     
  4. Hauxfan

    Hauxfan Well-Known Member

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    Bruce, I would dearly love to, but she passed away a couple of years ago.

    Knowing her though, she would have thought they were funny. She had a great sense of humor.

    Hauxfan!
     
  5. BIGDON

    BIGDON Well-Known Member

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    This was funny up until the time the Garbage truck backed up and dumped his trash. Way to kill a thread.

    Don
     
  6. BRGII

    BRGII TS Member

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    creteham,

    It was funny, but not appropriate. It certainly got Don's jockey shorts twisted. BRG
     
  7. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

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    Hauxfan, I'm truly sorry for your loss, my wife would take the poems that you included in your post in stride as well. She has a great sense of humor hell she has to she's married to me! I'm sorry I didn't know of your loss
     
  8. Haskins Bill

    Haskins Bill TS Member

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    creteham is going to get an Email about his discusting posts soon I bet. Bill
     
  9. creteham

    creteham Member

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    You're right, I was out of line and deleted the post and all my others. From now on I'll limit myself to jokes that put down Democrats, Mexicans, skeet shooters, African Americans, and people who load 7 1/2's insted of 8's. Don't want to "discust" anyone else.

    Terry
     
  10. BIGDON

    BIGDON Well-Known Member

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    Grow up.

    Don
     
  11. Hauxfan

    Hauxfan Well-Known Member

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    Bruce, no biggie. I'm sure you didn't know.

    I took no offense. LIfe is to short for that. Enjoy it!

    Hauxfan!
     
  12. Haskins Bill

    Haskins Bill TS Member

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    Terry, easy now, I got an Email 'your discusting posts' about a joke I posted on here about farmers and prostitutes. I was not offended at all myself with your post. I was trying to warn you that the moderators do see these things. It was embarrassing for me to get that Email and I have made the decision to be more careful and respectful in my posts from now on. Sorry if it came across as anything else. Bill
     
  13. creteham

    creteham Member

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    OK...I was a LITTLE over-sensative when I made my last post. Here's a poem:

    Roses are red, violets are blue,
    After 15 years, the boss said "your through."

    Guess I'll have time to make more days "Valentines Day" with Momma.
    Probably better polish my poetry, though ;)

    Terry
     
  14. BRGII

    BRGII TS Member

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    Terry, thank the new Messiah. Sorry for your troubles. BRGII
     
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