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Understanding Engineers

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by Jim101, Feb 20, 2008.

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  1. Jim101

    Jim101 Active Member

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    Understanding Engineers –


    What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

    Mechanical engineers build weapons, and civil engineers build targets.


    Understanding Engineers –


    The graduate with a science degree asks, 'Why does it work?'

    The graduate wit h an engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?'

    The graduate with an accounting degree asks, 'How much will it cost?'

    The graduate with an arts degree asks, 'Do you want fries with that?'


    Understanding Engineers-


    Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

    One said, 'It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.'

    Another said, 'No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.'

    The last one said, 'No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?'

    Understanding Engineers –


    Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

    Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.




    Have a nice day, Jim
     
  2. timb99

    timb99 Well-Known Member

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    Two engineering students are talking. One has a new bike.

    "Where'd you get the new bike?' asks one.

    The other replies, "I was out backpacking the other day, and I came upon this girl riding her bike on the trail. She saw me, stopped, got off the bike, took off all her clothes and said, 'you can have anything you want from me.'

    "I took the bike."

    "Good choice," the other said. "Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
     
  3. timb99

    timb99 Well-Known Member

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    An engineer dies and goes to the pearly gates to be let into heaven.

    St. Peter looks at his book and tells the engineer, "sorry, your name is not in here."

    The engineer asks what that means, to which St. Peter replies, "that means you go to hell."

    Dejected, the engineer heads down to hell, wondering what could have gone wrong. After all, engineers are pretty straight-laced guys. What could he have done that landed him in hell?

    So, as the engineer enters hell he is met by the devil. The devil says, "hey, we don't get many engineers down here. Suppose you could take a look and see if you can make some changes around here to make things a little more bearable"

    The engineer, always looking for a challenge, replies, "let me see what I can do."

    Well, before too long, there is running water, toilets, air conditioning, and hell is starting to become a little less "hellish."

    But after a while, God finds out what's going on in hell, and He doesn't like it so He gets the devil on the phone.

    The conversation goes something like this:

    God: Satan, we hear you've got an engineer down there.

    Satan: Yeah, what of it?

    God: Well, we hear he's been making improvements and hell isn't quite as horrible as it's supposed to be, and we can't have that.

    Satan: We kind of like it down here now. What's your point?

    God: Well, obviously it was a mistake that he got sent to hell, so we want him back.

    Satan: NO WAY! We're keeping him. He's already working on some more improvements.

    God: We'll sue to get him back!

    Satan: Oh RIGHT, like you have any lawyers up there!
     
  4. timb99

    timb99 Well-Known Member

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    To the optimist, the glass is half full.

    To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

    To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
     
  5. timb99

    timb99 Well-Known Member

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    An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

    He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

    The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

    The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

    The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

    Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

    Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

    The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
     
  6. timb99

    timb99 Well-Known Member

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    A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

    The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

    The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

    The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

    He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

    The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

    The group fell silent for a moment.

    The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

    The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

    The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
     
  7. H82MIS

    H82MIS TS Member

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    Jim and Tim, good stuff, keep em coming,,,
     
  8. timb99

    timb99 Well-Known Member

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    I can poke fun at engineers.

    I ARE one!
     
  9. wolfram

    wolfram Well-Known Member

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    What do engineers use for birth control? ----- Their personalities.

    Being one of 'them' I both humor and truth in that.
     
  10. oleolliedawg

    oleolliedawg Banned User Banned TS Supporters

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    My kids an engineer. Do y'all feel my pain!!
     
  11. Capt. Morgan

    Capt. Morgan TS Member

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    A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

    The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

    "You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

    "I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

    "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."

    The man below says, "You must be in management."

    "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

    "Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
     
  12. Tdog

    Tdog TS Member

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    Mechanical engineers only need to know two things -- If it moves, grease it. If it doesn't, paint it! Civil engineers just have to get their calculations close then add another foot of concrete! Those two lines were told to a bunch of engineering students by a electrical engineering professor at NDSU in a class on inductive theory in 1981. The EE students laughed.
     
  13. shannon391

    shannon391 Active Member

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    How can you spot an outgoing engineer? He will actually look down at Your shoes when you say "good morning" as you pass in the hallway.
     
  14. timb99

    timb99 Well-Known Member

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    Well, some of us have personalities.

    Not me, mind you...but some of us.

    I think recurvyarcher is an engineer. She seems to have a personality.
     
  15. timb99

    timb99 Well-Known Member

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    How many of you have seen that Dilbert video of "The Knack."

    Not the band, "The Knack" but the personality disorder known as "The Knack" that afflicts we engineers.
     
  16. dverna

    dverna Active Member

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    What is the difference between an Engineer and a Cowboy?

    With a Cowboy, the bullshit is on the outside of the boots.

    Don (P. Eng)
     
  17. Jim101

    Jim101 Active Member

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    All I know is if you want to stall a project in the aviation industry, Get about three engineers involved. They will never get to an agreement on anything. When the boss asks what's happening on whatever project, Just tell him your waiting on the engineers. I've had this work for months on several projects.





    Jim
     
  18. recurvyarcher

    recurvyarcher Well-Known Member

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    I'm glad I'm an engineer! I'd rather be an engineer than a tax collector any day. Tax collectors are heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and butts are interchangeable.
     
  19. piranha2

    piranha2 TS Member

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    Recurvy, you just described my exs lawyer to a tee. Maybe hes an tax collector too.
     
  20. recurvyarcher

    recurvyarcher Well-Known Member

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    Oh, yeah...tax collectors are angels compared to Divorce Lawyers.
     
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