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'Twas the night before Xmas...

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by crusha, Dec 24, 2007.

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  1. crusha

    crusha TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    'Twas the night before Xmas,

    When all through the house,

    Not a trapshooter was stirring,

    Nor skeeter (nor louse),

    Pink tutus were hung by the Spolar with care,

    To shrivel and dry in the crisp wintry aire,

    The trapshooters were nestled all snug in their beds,

    While visions of blonde trap-girls danced in their heads,

    An' Maw in her long-johns and I in my cap,

    Had just settled in for a long winter's nap,

    When out on the lawn there arose a commotion,

    The houn'dogs all bellowed, and whirled into motion,

    Away to the window I flew like a bird,

    To paste my red-dot on the noises I'd heard,

    The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,

    Gave the luster of midday to objects below,

    Peering through the curtains,,,, I tell you no whoppers,,,

    I spied jack-booted thugs,,,in black helicopters,,,!!!

    With a shock of blonde hair and a round, sacky bottom,

    I knew in a flash it was Hillary Rodham!

    More rapid than Valkyries her coursers they came,

    And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

    "Now, Teddy! Now, Feinstein! Now, Boxer and Schumer!

    And you trampy-ass interns in your anal-floss bloomers!

    We've mischief to do, and a nation to plunder!"

    As they roared down upon us in blankets of thunder.

    Then, as dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,

    A million illegal immigrants began to swarm by,

    And up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

    "We'll soak the poor bastards till they're broke through and through!"

    And then, in a twinkling, before I could shoot,

    I heard the harsh clatter of boot after boot.

    Grunting and panting, such a horrible sound-

    Down the chimney Hillary came with a bound!

    Her thugs rushed behind her like Ninjas on crack,

    Each with his gun-grabber's sack on his back.

    I was seized with terror, I trembled with fear-

    Were Waco and Ruby Ridge happening here?

    Her eyes, how they blazed, her lips, how they trembl'd,

    I was certain the four horsemen here were assembled!

    Her shrill little mouth was drawn up in a sneer,

    "Hah! Tom Tancredo can't help you here!"

    My castle invaded, there seemed no escape,

    From the Trailer Trash Queen in her shriveled black cape.

    But wait! Now what before my eyes should appear-

    But an army of patriots - in black combat gear!

    Halfmile on scooter, Brian d'Oregon in Jeep,

    And Paladin! And Maltzahn! Defending the sheep!

    With Jerbear on point, and blizzard to rear,

    My right-wing neo-con cavalry was here!

    They swept down like a horde on the alien species,

    Said Grammie, "They're Democrats,,,!!!,,,I could tell by their feces,,,!!!"

    And BigDon with sickle, and Hauxfan with scythe,

    Hacked into each invader, twenty-one times - plus five!

    The enemy was well-routed, my arsenal saved,

    Our freedoms were defended, our hardships were braved!

    And then, as Hipshot3 clanged Liberty's bell,

    He exclaimed, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all - Shoot Well!!!"
  2. i_shoot

    i_shoot Banned User Banned

    Jan 29, 1998
    Thanks Buzz...........brilliant.
  3. razor

    razor TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    good one, buzz but paladin could't hear a tank coming down a concrete road. ha ha!!! merry christmas paladin. razor & ellie
  4. Setterman

    Setterman Well-Known Member

    Feb 12, 2007
    Are you sure Hipshot didn't come down the chimney w/ "Thunder Thighs"?
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