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'Twas the Night Before Christmas ts.com style

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by calilori, Dec 12, 2008.

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  1. calilori

    calilori TS Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2006
    Messages:
    507
    No offense intended. All names were chosen for purely rhyming purposes. Please read in this the humor that was intended.....



    'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through ts,
    Not a poster was stirring, not even Foggy with any bs;
    The stockings were hung by the shotguns with care,
    In hopes that David soon would be there;

    The regulars were nestled all snug in their beds,
    While visions of targets danced in their heads;
    And Curvey in her 'kerchief, and the ‘Master in his cap,
    Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

    When out in the forum there arose such a clatter,
    We all sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
    Away to the new posts we flew with a crash,
    Tore open the threads and read the news flash.

    The wording on the post by the veteran member,
    Gave the lustre of brilliance to this dull December,
    When, what to our wondering eyes should appear,
    But David, the moderator to make sure we adhere,

    With the little ol Wireguy, so lively and astute,
    We knew in a moment it must be a haiku.
    More rapid than Booger his rhymings they came,
    And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

    "Now, JBrooks now, Pat! now, Trappy and Buzz Gun!
    On, Hoosier! on Cal! on, Bigdog and Shotgun!
    To the top of the posts! to the top of the forum!
    Now reply away! reply away! reply away with decorum!"

    The posters vary from witty to different versions of boasts,
    The more the replies, the longer it stays at the top of Today's Posts,
    A hit of the Quick Reply as our fingers start stumble,
    If it's News Politics and Issues, then we're sure to hear the grumbles .

    And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
    The trolls and their rants getting a digital *poof*.
    As we laughed in our head, and were turning around,
    Down the chimney David came with a bound.

    He was dressed as a skeeter, from head to foot,
    And his tutu was all tarnished with ashes and soot;
    A bundle of Cautions he had flung on his back,
    And he looked like a forum paddler just itching to whack!

    His eye (only one) -- how it twinkled! His moderating how merry!
    His rhetorics were like roses, his advice never scary!
    His moderations were all drawn up in a Christmas bow,
    And the posters waiting for gifts like children lined up in a row;

    Posts of 7 ½’s or 8’s were held in his pocket,
    As the smiles of the posters took off like a rocket;
    He had a broad paddle and a big wide grin,
    That meant that the fun was only about to begin.

    He was chubby and plump, his jolly old self,
    And we laughed when we saw him, in spite of ourself;
    A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
    Soon gave us to know we had nothing to dread;

    He typed not a word, but went straight to his work,
    And filled all the stockings with free rios;
    Then turned with a jerk,
    And laying his finger aside of his nose,
    And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

    He sprang to his sleigh, to his friends and posters gave a whistle,
    And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
    But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
    "MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"
     
  2. calilori

    calilori TS Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2006
    Messages:
    507
    I can't get it to format right! Oh well, I'm too lazy to retype it!
     
  3. crusha

    crusha TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    5,762
    'Twas the night before Christmas,

    When all through the house,

    Not a trapshooter was stirring,

    Nor skeeter (nor louse),

    Pink tutus were hung by the Spolar with care,

    To shrivel and dry in the crisp wintry aire,

    The trapshooters were nestled all snug in their beds,

    While visions of blonde trap-girls danced in their heads,

    An' Maw in her long-johns and I in my cap,

    Had just settled in for a long winter's nap,

    When out on the lawn there arose a commotion,

    The houn'dogs all bellowed, and whirled into motion,

    Away to the window I flew like a bird,

    To paste my red-dot on the noises I'd heard,

    The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,

    Gave the luster of midday to objects below,

    Peering through the curtains,,,, I tell you no whoppers,,,

    I spied jack-booted thugs,,,in black helicopters,,,!!!

    I trembled and quaked before the unfolding drama,

    I knew in a flash it was Hussein Obama!

    More rapid than Valkyries his coursers they came,

    And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

    "Now, Teddy! Now, Feinstein! Now, Boxer and Schumer!

    And you trampy-ass interns in your anal-floss bloomers!

    We've mischief to do, and a nation to plunder!"

    As they roared down upon us in blankets of thunder.

    Then, as dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,

    A million illegal immigrants began to swarm by,

    And up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

    "We'll soak the poor bastards till they're broke through and through!"

    And then, in a twinkling, before I could shoot,

    I heard the harsh clatter of boot after boot.

    Grunting and panting, such a horrible sound-

    Down the chimney Obama came with a bound!

    His thugs rushed behind him like Ninjas on crack,

    Each with his gun-grabber's sack on his back.

    I was seized with terror, I trembled with fear-

    Were Waco and Ruby Ridge happening here?

    His eyes, how they blazed, his lips, how they trembl'd,

    I was certain the four horsemen here were assembled!

    His shrill little mouth was drawn up in a sneer,

    "Hah! Ron Paul and his Fair Tax can't help you here!"

    My castle invaded, there seemed no escape,

    From the Chicago Community Organizer in his shriveled black cape.

    But wait! Now what before my eyes should appear-

    But an army of patriots - in black combat gear!

    Halfmile on scooter, Brian d'Oregon in Jeep,

    And Paladin! And Maltzahn! Defending the sheep!

    With Jerbear on point, and Shooting Coach to rear,

    My right-wing neo-con cavalry was here!

    They swept down like a horde on the alien species,

    Said Grammie, "They're Democrats,,,!!!,,,I could tell by their feces,,,!!!"

    And BigDon with sickle, and Hauxfan with scythe,

    Hacked into each invader, twenty-one times - plus five!

    The enemy was well-routed, my arsenal saved,

    Our freedoms were defended, our hardships were braved!

    And then, as AJ100 clanged Liberty's bell,

    He exclaimed, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all - Shoot Well!!!"
     
  4. calilori

    calilori TS Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2006
    Messages:
    507
    I tip my hat to you!
     
  5. shooterIII

    shooterIII Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    826
    Location:
    MN (state of socialism)
  6. gotbass

    gotbass Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    734
    definitely up
     
  7. wireguy

    wireguy TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    3,715
    Very clever a pair!
     
  8. Bocephas

    Bocephas Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    1,019
    Very good,someone has a lot of time.

    Oh yes,and talent.

    Bo
     
  9. BIGDON

    BIGDON Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    6,625
    Location:
    Michigan
    buzz you got the talent.

    Merry Christmas to all and to all many 100's.

    Don
     
  10. Buster 25

    Buster 25 Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2006
    Messages:
    315
    THE WAY I HEARD IT:

    Was the night before Christmas, We were all feeling Mary, But Mary left, So we all jumped for Joy......

    YOU ALREADY KNOW THE REST OF THE STORY....

    MARRY CHRISTMAS ALL
     
  11. EDGARMCM

    EDGARMCM TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    155
  12. AJ100

    AJ100 TS Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2006
    Messages:
    1,575
    "And then, as AJ100 clanged Liberty's bell,

    He exclaimed, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all - Shoot Well!!!"

    Thank You Buzz, for including me in your poem.





    [​IMG]


    Tom(AJ100)


    [​IMG]
     
  13. Jerbear

    Jerbear TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    3,588
    Buzz what a hoot.....

    We've got backup !!! <a href="http://s35.photobucket.com/albums/d184/Jerbear1098/Guns/?action=view&current=3c5e3d91.jpg" target="_blank">[​IMG]</a>


    Jerbear <a href="http://s35.photobucket.com/albums/d184/Jerbear1098/Political/?action=view&current=GunPermit.jpg" target="_blank">[​IMG]</a>
     
  14. AJ100

    AJ100 TS Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2006
    Messages:
    1,575
    What's this? One of the "sheep" has come to his senses and finally figured out that the "savior" was full of sh*t. Never too late to help in the cause.

    We are going to need ALL the sheep to wake up and help fight those "common sense" gun laws that obama WILL sign when the demokrats put them in front of him.

    Tom(AJ100)


    [​IMG]
     
  15. Shooting Jack

    Shooting Jack Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2006
    Messages:
    3,522
    Location:
    Blackshear, Georgia
    Lori and Buzz, very well done. Jackie B.
     
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