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Tuesday Humor !!

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by BRGII, Feb 3, 2009.

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  1. BRGII

    BRGII TS Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2008
    Messages:
    740
    Milking Machine

    BEWARE OF NEW TECHNOLOGY, READ INSTRUCTIONS FIRST!!!!!!

    > A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.
    >
    > Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.
    >
    > So, he inserted his 'manhood' into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.
    >
    > Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.
    >
    > He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.
    >
    > Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his mobile phone (Thank goodness for mobile phones!).
    >
    > 'Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?'
    >
    > 'Don't worry,' replied the customer service rep, 'The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons.'
     
  2. bigunn

    bigunn TS Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2008
    Messages:
    185
    HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
    God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better." The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?" And the Lord said, "They are rules for living." "Can you give us an example?" "Thou shall not kill."
    "Not kill? We're not interested."
    So He went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."
    The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
    "Honor thy Father and Mother."
    "Father? We don't know who our fathers are.
    We're not interested."
    Then He went to the Mexicans and said,
    "I have Commandments."
    The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said
    "Thou shall not steal."
    "Not steal? We're not interested."
    Then He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."
    The French too wanted an example and the Lord said,
    "Thou shall not commit adultery."
    "Not commit adultery? We're not interested."
    Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."
    "Commandments?" Moses said, "How much are they?"
    "They're free."
    "We'll take 10."
    There, that should offend just about everybody
     
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