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Tongue in Cheek: New Cruise Package

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Chango2, Jun 2, 2009.

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  1. Chango2

    Chango2 Active Member

    Nov 12, 2007
    Dear Friends,

    For those of you that like cruises, here is a cruise package for you !!

    Somali Cruise Package

    This is the best idea yet. Be sure and read the whole thing. I was
    checking cruise lines because I heard the rates are very cheap right

    I found a Somali cruise package that departs from Sawakin (in the Sudan) and docks at Bagamoya (in Tanzania).

    The cost is a bit high, at $800 per person double occupancy, but I didn't find that offensive.

    What I found encouraging and enlightened is that the cruise is encouraging people to bring their 'high powered weapons' along on the cruise. If you don't have your own weapons you can rent them right there on the boat.

    They claim to have a master gunsmith on board and will have reloading parties every afternoon as well as optional marksmanship training.

    The cruise lasts from 4-8 days and costs a maximum (8 days) of $3200 per person
    double occupancy.

    All the boat does is sail up and down the coast of Somalia waiting to get hijacked by pirates. Here are some of the costs and claims associated with the package.

    * M-16 full auto rental $25.00/day ammo plus 100 rounds of 5.56 armor piercing ammo at $15.95 (Best weapon for your kids, say, under 5. Make sure they know how to clear it.)

    * Ak-47 rifle @ No charge. Ammo plus 100 rounds of 7.62mm ball ammo at $14.95 (Be sure you get one with a milled receiver and brass case ammo, not that steel crap!)

    * Barrett M-107 .50 cal sniper riffle rental $55.00/day. Ammo at 15 rounds 50 cal armor piercing at $9.95!

    * Crew members can double as spotters for 30.00 per hour (spotting scope included).

    * Wow - they even offer RPG's at 75 bucks and 200 dollars for 3 standard loads. (-2's or -7's? Never could hit anything with a -2. Price seems kinda steep)

    * "MOUNTED MINIGUN AVAILABLE $450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire"

    * Everyone gets use of free complimentary night vision equipment and coffee and snacks are available on the top deck from 7pm-6am.

    * Meals are not included but costs seem reasonable.

    They advertise group rates and corporate discounts......and claim "FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY"

    They even have a partial money back offer if not satisfied .... here's some text from the ad:
    We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or we will refund half your money, including gun rental charges and any unused ammo (mini-gun charges not included).

    How can we guarantee you will experience a hijacking?

    We operate at 5 knots within 12 miles of the coast of Somalia . If an attempted hijacking does not occur we will turn the boat around and cruise by at 4 knots. We will repeat this for up to 8 days making three passes a day along the entire length of Somalia .

    At night the boat is fully lit, bottle rockets are shot off at intervals and loud disco music is beamed shore side to attract attention.

    Cabin space is limited so respond quickly.
    Reserve your package before the end of May and get 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice.
    As if all that isn't enough to whet your appetite, there were a few testimonials

    * "I got three confirmed kills on my last trip. I'll never hunt big game in Africa again."

    * "Six attacks in 4 days were more than I expected. I bagged three pirates and my 12yr old son sank two rowboats with the mini-gun. PIRATES 0 - PASSENGERS-32! Well worth the trip. Just make sure your spotter speaks English" - Ned, Salt Lake City , Utah, USA

    * "I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in NAM. Don't worry about getting shot by the pirates as they never even got close to the ship with those weapons they use and their squirrelly aim-reminds me of the 15 year old Gomers we ran into in Cambodia who fired with their eyes closed"-" Glen the Rotorhead", Harvard, MA USA.

    * "Like fish in a barrel. This is a must do!" - Zeke, Minnahaw, Kentucky, USA

    Finally, someone had the common sense to cash in AND solve a major problem. These folks deserve a medal!

    P.S.--I hear they are considering discounts for veterans.

    I haven't lost my mind...it's on a disk somewhere...
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