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Thursday Humor

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by George Steffes, Jan 29, 2009.

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  1. George Steffes

    George Steffes TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    149
    An elderly man had owned a large farm for several
    years.


    He had a large pond in the back.
    It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with
    picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

    One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he
    hadn't
    been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon
    bucket to bring back some fruit.

    As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting And laughing with
    glee..


    As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women
    skinny-dipping in his pond.

    He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep
    end.



    One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until
    you leave! The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

    Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

    Most old men can still think fast.!!
     
  2. BRGII

    BRGII TS Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2008
    Messages:
    740
    A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.
    She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the
    results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy
    a newspaper. Before
    leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't
    mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

    "About 32," is the reply.

    "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

    A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks
    the counter girl the very same question.

    The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."

    The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."
    Now she's feeling really good about herself. She
    stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes
    up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this
    burning question.

    The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

    Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"

    While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man
    waiting next to her the same question.

    He replies, "I'm 78 and my eyesight is going,
    although when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell
    how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it
    requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then,
    and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

    They wait in silence on the empty street until her
    curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out,
    "What the hell, go ahead."

    He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to
    feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and
    weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He
    pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

    After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay,
    okay...How old am I?"

    He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his
    hands, and says, "Madam, you are 50."

    Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was
    incredible, how could you tell?"

    The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"

    "I promise I won't," she says.

    "I was behind you in McDonald's."
     
  3. Browning Man

    Browning Man TS Member

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2007
    Messages:
    293
    Funny, I loved the last one.
     
  4. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    5,055
    Location:
    Near but not in chicago
    The 2nd two are great the first was had made the rounds but a good joke never gets old!
     
  5. 870smokim

    870smokim TS Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2007
    Messages:
    70
    O.K. I had to laugh, thanks.
    870 smokim Joe
     
  6. Hogsan

    Hogsan Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2008
    Messages:
    112
    Spent all day guessing ages of willing ladies. Method is fun but don't work too good
     
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