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This could be Us soon ...

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Ahab, Mar 2, 2013.

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  1. Ahab

    Ahab Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    3,650
    THIS COULD BE US SOMEDAY........




    A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember..

    Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

    'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
    'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
    'Sure..'
    'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
    'No, I can remember it..'
    'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it

    down, so as not to forget it?'
    He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
    'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
    Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
    Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs..

    She stares at the plate for a moment.

    'Where's my toast?'

    ................................................................



    An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house,and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

    The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly..'

    The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
    The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?

    You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
    'Do you mean a rose?'

    'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

    .........................................................



    Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted hedidn't need my help to leave the hospital.

    After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
    On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

    'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of

    her hospital gown.'

    ........................................................................


    A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
    'So I hear you're getting married?'
    'Yep!'
    'Do I know her?'
    'Nope!'
    'This woman, is she good looking?'
    'Not really.'
    'Is she a good cook?'
    'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
    'Does she have lots of money?'
    'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
    'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
    'I don't know.'
    'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

    'Because she can still drive!'

    ...........................................................




    A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid.

    It cost me four thousand dollars, but

    it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
    'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'

    'Twelve thirty...'

    ...............................................................



    Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
    A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
    A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
    Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'

    The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur
    be careful.'

    .........................................................



    A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor

    and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
    The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
    'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
     
  2. ben there

    ben there Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2011
    Messages:
    50
    They hit to close to home but they are funny
     
  3. broadway john

    broadway john Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2012
    Messages:
    1,145
    Location:
    New Jersey and New Hampshire
    An 84yr old woman walks into a bar and sits down, tells the bartender its her birthday and orders Burbon with just a drop of water. Another patron offers to pay for her drink for which she thanks him. This happens several more times. Always a Burbon with just a drop water. Finally she was queried as to why just a drop of water to which she replied, at my age I can still hold my liquor, but I can't hold my water.
     
  4. The Stive

    The Stive Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    635
    Good ones. I really enjoyed them. LOL. John
     
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