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Things I have learned at the movies....

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by Brian in Oregon, Jun 16, 2007.

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  1. Brian in Oregon

    Brian in Oregon Well-Known Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    Deplorable Bitter Clinger in Liberal La La Land
    Things I Have Learned At The Movies<br>
    <br>
    1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are
    well within the price range of most people --whether
    they are employed or not.<br>
    <br>
    2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born
    evil.<br>
    <br>
    3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry
    which wire to cut. You will always choose the right
    one.<br>
    <br>

    4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to
    override the communications system of any invading
    alien society.<br>
    <br>

    5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered
    in a fight involving martial arts; your enemies will
    wait patiently to attack you one by one dancing
    around in a threatening manner until you have
    knocked out their predecessors.<br>
    <br>

    6. When you turn out the light to go to bed,
    everything in your bedroom will still be clearly
    visible, just slightly bluish.<br>
    <br>

    7. If you are a blonde and pretty, it is possible to
    become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age
    of 22.<br>
    <br>

    8. Honest and hardworking policemen are
    traditionally gunned down three days before their
    retirement.<br>
    <br>

    9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer
    to kill their archenemies using complicated
    machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly
    gasses, lasers, and man eating sharks, which will
    allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.<br>
    <br>

    10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that
    reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to the
    waist level on the man lying beside her.<br>
    <br>

    11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one
    stick of French bread.<br>
    <br>

    12. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, provided
    there is someone in the control tower to talk you
    down.

    13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even
    while scuba diving.<br>
    <br>

    14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any
    war unless you make the mistake of showing someone
    a picture of your sweetheart back home.<br>
    <br>

    15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German
    or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to
    speak the language. A German or Russian accent will
    do.<br>
    <br>

    16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in
    Paris.<br>
    <br>

    17. A man will show no pain while taking the most
    ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries
    to clean his wounds.<br>
    <br>

    18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone
    will be thrown through it before long.<br>
    <br>

    19. If staying in a haunted house, women should
    investigate any strange noise in their most
    revealing underwear.<br>
    <br>

    20. Word processors never display a cursor on the
    screen but will always say: "Enter password now."<br>
    <br>

    21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight
    road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel
    vigorously from left to right every few moments.<br>
    <br>

    22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing
    devices with large red readout's so you know exactly
    when they're going to go off.<br>
    <br>

    23. A detective can only solve a case once he has
    been suspended from duty.<br>
    <br>

    24. If you decide to start dancing in the street,
    everyone you meet will know all the steps.<br>
    <br>

    25. Police departments give their officers
    personality tests to make sure they are deliberately
    assigned a partner who is the total opposite.<br>
    <br>

    26. When they are alone, all foreign military
    officers prefer to speak to each other in English.
     
  2. coyote268

    coyote268 TS Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2006
    Messages:
    188
    Great Brian, started Sunday off with a chuckle. Expecially liked the one about the sheets.
    Dan
     
  3. plabels466

    plabels466 Member

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    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    699
    OHHHH, where are you John Wayne? Pete
     
  4. Big Heap

    Big Heap TS Member

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    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
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    Mom and Dad (1945) (Sex Ed 101 - then)

    Because a high school girl's parents refuse to discuss sex education (called "personal hygiene" in the film) with her, she gets pregnant by her boyfriend, who conveniently dies. Her parents are blamed, and the local sex education teacher uses this opportunity to show a film showing the dangers (and results) of VD and the birth of a baby.
     
  5. mobear

    mobear Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
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    32. any superhero who is bulletproof will stand still and let people shoot at them, but will duck when the gun is thrown at them.
     
  6. Big Dave

    Big Dave Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    990
    33. 20 bad guys with full auto machine guns will never kill the hero, but will stand still long enough for him to shoot them all with his semi-auto pistol.

    34. any western hero's six shooter will hold an inexhaustible supply of ammo.

    35. any car, regardless of horsepower, will smoke the tires, when leaving in a hurry.
     
  7. shot410ga

    shot410ga Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    7,784
    All monsters like to carry off pretty girls.

    All pretty girls go looking in dark rooms for monsters.
     
  8. tumbleweed

    tumbleweed Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    273
    The Duke boys can jump the grand canyon and their car will speed off in a cloud of dust without a scratch on it.
     
  9. timb99

    timb99 Well-Known Member

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    Location:
    Shawnee, Kansas, USA
    Cars traveling at high speeds, when they run into the rear end of a parked car, will tend to fly over the parked car instead of smashing into it.
     
  10. mike c

    mike c TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
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    A car will always squeel the tires when leaving in a hurry, even on dirt or gravel.

    Mike C
     
  11. Rollin Oswald

    Rollin Oswald Active Member

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    Location:
    Brillion, WI
    Very well done, gentlemen.

    Rollin
     
  12. DJM

    DJM Member

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    519
    Location:
    Central Minnesota
    When faced with imminent danger and armed with a single action revolver, a lever rifle, a pump shotgun or a .50 cal machine gun it's better to leave the chamber empty. Then when a confrontation does occur you can cycle the action to show the other guy you mean business.

    Drives me nuts, Ive seen it a hundred times.
     
  13. halfmile

    halfmile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    15,648
    Location:
    Green Bay Wisconsin
    Hey! What kind of Trapshooters are you? You forgot that a shotgun almost always blows up the car it's fired in the general direction of. And violently, too.

    KA-FREAKIN' BOOM!!!

    HM
     
  14. timb99

    timb99 Well-Known Member

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    Location:
    Shawnee, Kansas, USA
    DJM,

    Amen, that drives me nuts too.

    How about this;

    Bad guys, when shot by the good guy (or vice versa) will be blown back at least 5 to 10 feet when hit.

    Despite physics telling us...oh, never mind.
     
  15. TommyTEREX

    TommyTEREX Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
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    All 2nd LTs, and ensigns, are imbeciles. No wait that ones true to life.

    Just kidding.

    Tom R.
     
  16. Brian in Oregon

    Brian in Oregon Well-Known Member

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    Location:
    Deplorable Bitter Clinger in Liberal La La Land
    12ga shotguns that can blow four foor diameter holes in the wall so you can escape through it. ("License to Kill" 007)
     
  17. Harold

    Harold TS Member

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    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    247
    Persons fleeing danger are moving a lot faster than it appears. They will continue to elude their pursuers long after they should have been overtaken.

    The supernatural explanation for any event is the correct explanation. Persons claiming psychic powers always do have psychic powers.
     
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