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The Hollywood Squares

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by shooterIII, Nov 12, 2008.

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  1. shooterIII

    shooterIII Member

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    FUNNY FOR THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER . . .


    Hollywood Squares

    If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

    Q. Do female frogs croak?
    A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.


    Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
    A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.


    Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
    A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.


    Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
    A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.


    Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
    A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.


    Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
    A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.


    Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
    A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.


    Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
    A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.


    Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
    A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.


    Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
    A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.


    Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
    A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.


    Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
    A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.


    Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.One is politics, what is the other?
    A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.


    Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
    A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.


    Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
    A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.


    Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
    A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?


    Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
    A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.


    Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
    A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.


    Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
    A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.


    Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,what was he trying to do?
    A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.


    Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
    A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?


    Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
    A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.


    Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
    A. Charley Weaver: His feet.


    Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
    A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh



    WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD, WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING
     
  2. crusha

    crusha TS Member

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    What, no Charles Nelson Reilly?
     
  3. mnjim

    mnjim TS Member

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    Lord I miss those shows. Thanks for the memories. MnJim
     
  4. Tron

    Tron Supporting Vendor Banned Supporting Vendor

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    I was always partial to Phillis Diller myself.....Paul Lynde gave me the willies.

    Tron
     
  5. Chango2

    Chango2 Active Member

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    Re. Lynde: And likely vice versa if you met him and let him!
     
  6. BDodd

    BDodd TS Member

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    You forgot this one that still brings tears to bear. Q. Paul, the Italians have come up with a new birth control item, can you tell us what it is? A. "A staple gun!"
     
  7. jimx200

    jimx200 Member

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    Damn, that was tv worth wathching. Makes me yearn for the old shows: Paladin, High Chaparral, Rat Patrol, searching the data bank...lol. Chime in guys..
     
  8. primer

    primer TS Member

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    Thanks for the memories
     
  9. Chango2

    Chango2 Active Member

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    And remember "I Love Lucy", "The Bob Newhart Show", and my favorite from very young days, "Sky King"...now Sky King, think about that one...it would not play today. Penny, his "niece" was very pretty and the storyline would not support the credibility of her as his "niece"...I miss the innocent days!!
     
  10. foghorn220

    foghorn220 Active Member

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    Yeah I used to watch them all the time also maybe this one below is current also.

    <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/kV2lFLNGR9E&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/kV2lFLNGR9E&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

    Guess Paul knew Obama was coming into office next year and he predicted his first answer as such.


    Foggy
     
  11. dbcook

    dbcook TS Member

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    the old match game show with gene rayburn will give you some good laughs also.you can still see it on the game show network every day. dwain
     
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