1. Attention: We have put together a thread with tips and a tutorial video to help with using the new software. Please take a moment to check out the thread here: Trapshooters.com Tutorial & Help Video.
    Dismiss Notice

The first Jewish President

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Jim R, Feb 22, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Jim R

    Jim R Ljutic Nut TS Supporters

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    1,624
    Location:
    Western Washington
    The year is 2016 and the United States has elected a woman, Susan Goldfarb, as the first Jewish president.


    She calls up her mother a few weeks after election day and says, 'So, Mom, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'


    'I don't think so. It's a ten hour drive, your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.'


    'Don't worry about it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.'


    'I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmaltzy, what on earth would I wear?'


    'Oh Mom,' replies Susan, 'I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown, custom-made by the best designer in New York.'


    'Honey,' Mom complains, 'you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.'


    The President-elect responds, 'Don't worry Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, kosher all the way. Mom, I really want you to come.'


    So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Susan Goldfarb is being sworn in as President of the United States.


    In the front row sits the new President's mother, who leans over to a senator sitting next to her.


    'You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States??'


    The Senator whispers back, 'Yes I do.'


    Mom says proudly, 'Her brother is a doctor.'
     
  2. Brian in Oregon

    Brian in Oregon Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    25,238
    Location:
    Deplorable Bitter Clinger in Liberal La La Land
    I thought Obama had reinvented himself again.
     
  3. fssberson

    fssberson Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    2,375
    Cute, but true. Fred
     
  4. PerazziBigBore

    PerazziBigBore TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    3,859
    3 Jewish ladies are poolside discussing their children..

    First lady ask.. "what do you sons do for a living??"

    2nd lady replies.."My son David is the biggest doctor in New York..he makes over $1,000,000 a year just in surgery fee's.. plus his investments in property"..

    3rd lady replies.."My son Max is the biggest property investor in all of New York.. He made over $450,000,000 last year not including his investment in the stock market"...

    Then they ask what the first ladys son does.. She replies.. He's a fagila..(fag).. What??? they replied... She said yep.. hes a fagila.. but his 2 boyfriends.. One is the biggest doctor in New York.. and the other is the biggest property investor in New York.. He only runs with the best...
     
  5. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) Banned User Banned TS Supporters

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2007
    Messages:
    11,666
    Location:
    West Central Florida
    A little old Jewish lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each.


    Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time, and as he passed the pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but never take a pretzel.


    And this went on for more then 3 years. The two of them never spoke. One day, as the young man passed the old lady's stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel lady spoke to him.


    "Sir, thank you for your business. You are a good customer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel price has gone up to 35 cents."
     
  6. recurvyarcher

    recurvyarcher Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2006
    Messages:
    6,450
    If Jesus was really a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
     
  7. Jerry944t

    Jerry944t Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    1,860
    Location:
    PA
    Good ones above..

    Did you know in Judaism a fetus isn't considered viable until it graduates from medical school.

    and one more...

    A man called his mother in Florida ,
    Mom, how are you?"
    " Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
    The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38
    days."
    The son said, "That's terrible.
    Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
    The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."
     
  8. motordoctor

    motordoctor Shoji Tabuchi in Branson

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    3,680
    Location:
    ohio
    abe AND hymie are ars sitting having a corned beef sadnwich. abe says what ya doing hymie. Hymie says that his business burned down and he collected the insurance and just retired. Then hymie said to abe "what ya doing". Abe said his business had a flood and he collected the insurance and just retired. SO then Hymie said :::: punch line:::: " so how do you start a flood". Da de da da. motordoc
     
  9. Jim R

    Jim R Ljutic Nut TS Supporters

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    1,624
    Location:
    Western Washington
    Motordoc

    What happened to Hymie's busines we call that "Jewish Lightning" out here.

    Jim
     
  10. motordoctor

    motordoctor Shoji Tabuchi in Branson

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    3,680
    Location:
    ohio
    yea you're right. some of the jokes are funny.


    you hear about the two guys talking about cars at breakfast of lox and eggs. Abe say he has this car that is a piece of junk and wants to trade it in because it has 150,000 miles on it. Hymie tells him he has a guy that turns spedo's back and for 50 bucks he can turn it back to 50K which will provide more money on a trade in. So Abe has it done. Three months later they meet for lunch and a corned beef sandwhich and Hymie sees Abe driving the same car. He asks " I thought you hated the car and were going to trade it in". Abe says " It;s a great car and only has 50,000 miles on it and runs great so why should I get rid of it".
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.