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The 13 core types you'll see at gun ranges....

Discussion in 'Shooting Related Threads' started by Brian in Oregon, Mar 21, 2010.

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  1. Brian in Oregon

    Brian in Oregon Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Deplorable Bitter Clinger in Liberal La La Land
    The 13 core types you

    The 13 core types you'll see at gun ranges

    1. Grampa and Cody...

    Typically an older white guy and his sniveling grandchild (or similar junior relation). Grampa is trying to teach Cody (or Jody, or Brody, or whatever crap name the kid has) how to shoot with a 1950’s era Lakefield or Cooey .22 rifle and an empty tin can lying 10m away on the ground.

    Cody’s soccer mom and sensitive new-age dad aren’t too keen on this idea, but the old man overruled them.

    Claimed they were coddling the little brat (true) and this will be a valuable experience (doubtful). Quality time looms menacingly on the horizon...

    Grampa smells of rye and seems a little unsteady on his feet, and insists on holding forth about his views on how a) kids today are all idiots, b) how much better things were in the old days, c) the evils of Communism, or d) the proper place of a woman.

    He occasionally interrupts his diatribe to yell such helpful advice as “squeeze the trigger, dammit! Like I showed you!” without ever having bothered to explain to Cody how iron sights work. Will grudgingly dole out one round at a time from his pocket, with instructions not to waste it.

    In the 30’s (or whenever the ancient bastard grew up) people only made 23¢ a year and couldn’t afford to miss a shot, or they’d catch The Polio.

    Cody, for his part, couldn’t hit the ground with a handful of thrown rice, is close to tears, and wishes he were at home with his XBox or Wii-Fy.

    2. The Range Nazi...

    Annoying, but basically harmless, the sole reason for existence of the Range Nazi is sucking all the fun out of shooting.

    Will arrive at the range with a single antiquated rifle in a calibre nobody shoots anymore, such as .32-20.

    Will set up a number of bullseye (never human or animal) targets at the 100m point, but does not shoot at them.

    Instead the Range Nazi will walk up and down the line, questioning others about the legality of their firearms, tut-tutting over the use of human silhouette targets, appointing himself boss of the range safety light, and making note of anybody being even the slightest bit unsafe(!).

    He will then be sure to bring up the unsafe people he witnessed being unsafe in an unsafely unsafe manner (did we mention they were unsafe?) at the next range membership meeting. Hopes to get everybody he disapproves of (which is everybody) kicked out of the range.

    Only then will it be safe, and only then will nobody behave in a manner certain to reflect discredit upon the range and shooting in general.

    Cringes every time a firearm is referred to as a weapon, as if somehow an anti-gun lobbyist will hear it and yell “Ah ha! Ban them! Ban them all!”.

    Has the phone number of every member of the range executive committee on his speed dial. Despite his intrusive ways, the Range Nazi will generally piss off when told to do so.

    3. The Tea Drinking Man...

    Arrives 5 minutes after the range opens, and won’t leave until it closes. Takes five trips to unload all his gear from his Buick Riviera (or similar old-fart-mobile), yet only brought two guns. Shooting routine consists of the following: Painstakingly selects a single round of ammo.

    Unloads it and puts it back in box. Adjusts scope. Has a drink of tea from thermos. Selects a different round of ammo.

    Loads into rifle. Sights in on target. Consults shooting log. Takes round out. Has drink of tea. Falls asleep. Wakes up. Adjusts sight again. And so on and so on… May or may not actually fire within the hour. Rarely makes it through more than ten rounds before the range closes for the day.

    Becomes annoyed when other shooters a) disturb his concentration (or napping) with the sound of their firing, b) request cease-fires to change targets that are shot out (a concept foreign to him), or c) check him for a pulse occasionally.

    Has been a member of the range since longbows were considered assault weapons, and is still working on the same box of ammo. When not at the range, can be found at the local gun store engaging the counter staff in hours of meandering conversation about nothing in particular.

    4. Jesse and Jamie...

    These are the two, for lack of a better term, rednecks. Will show up driving a full size diesel pickup that cost more than their doublewide trailer.

    Due to gender-ambiguous names, it is certain you will confuse who is who, and use the wrong name in conversation. Jesse (or Jamie, it depends) is down about the mill laying him off again. He’s pretty sure foreigners of some sort are responsible, and is waiting for his unemployment to kick in.

    Until then they subsist on Jamie’s (or Jesse’s) earnings as a hairdresser. J &J will listen to both kinds of music, country and western.

    Truck will have at least one kerchief-wearing dog in the back named “Buddy”. Eager to compare a) hunting knives, b) belt buckle sizes, c) brands of chewing tobacco, d) line dancing steps or e) recipes that start with “take a side of beef…”.

    Shoot his and hers lever action rifles, and believe that any calibre less than a .30-30 is unmanly, while anything bigger is wasteful.

    Guns will be stored in vinyl gun socks from Target (if they’re over 40) or Walmart (if they’re young ‘uns).

    Optics, if any, will be of no more than 4x magnification and look as if they were used to hammer in nails at some point. Like to talk about how good it will be once the season starts and they have the opportunity to fill up their spare freezers.

    Dress almost exclusively in plaid jackets and jeans, but each has a set of “formal” cowboy boots at home for special occasions.

    Instinctively distrust the government, and wonder whatever DID happened to Preston Manning,or Jimmy Hoffa.

    5. The Paramilitary Poseur...

    Difficult to actually see at the range due to the camouflage and SWAT gear he is wearing.

    Generally at least 20kg overweight, the Paramilitary Poseur is the ultimate expression of the suburban commando.

    Eager to discuss the best type of ammunition to use against marauding feminist ninja bank robbers or armor-plated bears.

    Loves to drop cryptic references to his past life as an Airborne Special Forces Delta-SEAL, which he can’t go into detail about “for security reasons”.

    Note: this person has never been in the military or the police. He’s most likely a mailman or a mall security guard; any job where he gets a uniform, but which doesn’t require too much hard work or talent. Claims to be a master of some arcane martial art nobody has ever heard of, like “Krav Jitsu Fu. Could kill you just by staring at you really hard.

    Weapons of the Poseur will generally have all sorts of “tactical” accessories added to them, effectively tripling their price and mass without doing anything to improve his shooting. Has strong opinions on the .338 Lapua vs. .408 Chey-Tac debate, despite never having fired either.

    Will own at least one SKS made up to look like a Dragunov, and a “sniper rifle” that turns out to be a hunting rifle with the biggest scope one can get (for under $100) mounted on it. Shooting bag will contain a) back issues of Soldier of Fortune, b) a really big knife with teeth up the back, c) 10 rounds of military surplus 5.56mm FMJ that he bought at a gun show, and d) a 1970’s vintage Soviet night vision scope that won’t mount on anything he owns.

    6. The Man in Tac-Black...

    A rare sight at civilian ranges, but easy to spot once he’s there. Generally arrives in a 4×4 straight out of Mad Max, or a Crown Victoria with poorly-concealed lights in the grille. May or may not have a moustache reminiscent of a gay porn star, but will have a very short haircut.

    Weapons are generally black, scary looking, and numerous. Can easily fill a rack with what he brought just to do some informal plinking with.

    The envy of the Paramilitary Poseur and the sworn nemesis of the IPSC wiener. Insists on lying in the dirt in the prone position instead of using the shooting bench like a reasonable human being. Gets confused when not everybody is shooting the same type of weapon and serial as he is.

    May even begin what he calls a “run down” without warning, so be wary. Shooting bag will contain a) the Dropzone PSP catalogue, b) a bayonet for at least one of his rifles, c) hundreds of rounds of 5.56mm FMJ he stole from work, and d) a number of 30 round magazines that have been pinned to 30 rounds. Takes pride in hitting targets that others can barely see, but becomes bored easily and will often try to use a shotgun or even a pistol for targets at long range. Quick to recognize others of his own kind and engage in the arcane ritual of “who-do-you-know-and-where-have-you-been”.

    Also has strong opinions on the .338 Lapua vs. .408 Chey-Tac debate, having fired both. Doesn’t flinch when firing, or when those around him fire.
    May (in fact) be stone deaf.

    7. The Punk-Ass Amatuer...

    A common sight at most ranges, a danger to himself and everyone around him, but he generally appears to be blissfully unaware of the fact.

    Arrives at the range in a small import car, which bottoms out two or three times on the rough access road.

    Weapons will be all Norinco or Hi-Point, as they cost less than anything else and he really doesn’t know any better. Absolutely NO muzzle discipline.

    Barrel may still be full of the original packing grease, as “weapons maintenance” is a foreign concept to him.

    Targetry will consist of pieces of the cardboard box the weapon came in with hand-drawn circles on them. May have pictures of Ex-girlfriend.

    Fires off 40 rounds of ammo bought at local store (for full price) as quickly as possible.

    Fond of such effective shooting positions as the “from the hip”, or the “close my eyes and flinch every time I fire” method of shooting, along with the ever-popular “try to hold the rifle/shotgun one-handed like a pistol”. Won’t hit a damn thing and doesn’t care; he’s there to ''bust caps'' and socialize.

    Once out of ammo, will roam about the range examining other shooters’ weapons and looking hopeful in the off chance they let him try one. Often accompanied by Idiot Girlfriend. (see # 8)

    8. The Idiot Girlfriend...

    Usually found in the company of the Punk-Ass Amateur. Typically between the ages of 18 and 26, the Idiot Girlfriend doesn’t like the range, but wants to ensure her boyfriend isn’t involved in any activity that doesn’t include her. Arrives woefully unprepared for the range, with no water, unsuitable clothing, and often no hearing protection. Will, however, have flawless makeup.

    After a period not exceeding 20 minutes, will immediately begin complaining about a) how hot it is, b) how cold it is, c) the lack of washrooms, d) the condition of any washrooms there happen to be, or e) the noise.

    If she isn’t the centre of attention when she first arrives, she will make it her business to be. A drama queen at heart, she will resort to pouting, whining, stamping her little feet and locking herself in the car if she believes her boyfriend is more interested in shooting than in her plight of discomfort.

    Rarely seen actually firing, but will try it if the gun seems cute or non-threatening enough. Likes .22’s due to the low recoil and quiet report. Not a fan of the .338 Winchester magnum, for obvious reasons.

    In the off chance she fires something with even the slightest bit of recoil, she will immediately begin a display of overacted injury normally reserved for World Cup matches.

    9. The Homie...

    Formerly considered a sub-variant of the Punk-Ass Amateur, the Homie has been sighted in sufficient numbers to grant him his own category.

    His arrival will be heralded by the booming bass coming from a stereo more powerful than the car he put it in.

    Drives a blinged-out import car, or lowered SUV,anything that looks at home in “The Fast and the Furious”. Bicycle tires, & Emergency donuts also seen.

    Like the Punk-Ass Amateur, will bottom out two or three times on the poor road leading to the range.

    Weapons will generally match his vehicle for sheer tackiness and lack of practicality.Often several bright gold, Stainless, and nickle on same weapon.
    If he has the money he will own a Desert Eagle, in .50 calibre, with a gold chrome finish.

    Will definitely have a Glock 9mm, as it is what all his heroes on MTV carry. Actually thinks shooting with the weapon canted 90 degrees to the left is effective; cannot understand why the ejected brass keeps hitting him in the face. Dress of the Homie is distinctive and usually follows a theme of a ludicrously oversized track suit, lots of chunky 8-karat gold chains, designer sunglasses that cost more than his guns, and a particularly offensive cologne he applies with a cropduster.

    Likes to speak in ebonics and flash gang signs.Parents are tax attorneys and live in a gated community. They are usually sporting several doctorates.
    The home office wall covered with P.H.D.degrees from colleges Sonny Boy will never attend to their dissappointment. In tune with his ''hood''....

    Would likely wet himself if ever confronted by hard core criminals, or real gangsters.

    10. The Recreationist

    A strange breed, the Recreationist likes to travel in packs. Dressed in a costume made up of at least four kinds of animal skin and wearing a hat with a tail hanging from it, the Recreationist loves to pretend he lives in the time of the frontier.

    This applies to his firearms, personal gear, and hygiene when in character, unfortunately. Prefers to be called by some self-applied moniker like “Mountain Mike” or “Raccoon-eating Dave” instead of his real name. Owns a $6000 handcrafted Italian reproduction blackpowder musket and a custom belt knife that cost more than a used motorcycle.

    Spent three years and thousands of dollars researching his outfit for authenticity; still looks like a hobo. Has never slept outside a night in his life, and takes 4 different medications for allergies. The Recreationist loves to use period slang, often saying things like “varmint” or “dadgummit”, believing this makes him more authentic. May occasionally become confused and throw in a “Get thee hence” or “Zounds!” for good measure.

    Has nothing but disdain for newfangled weapons, “newfangled” indicating anything capable of firing more than one aimed shot in a minute.

    Loves to engage in staged duels with others of his own kind, as he is an actor at heart. Once “shot” will begin a 10-minute death scene worthy of Sir Laurence Olivier… or the Idiot Girlfriend. Arrived at the range in a BMW 740i with onboard GPS navigation and a car fax.

    11. The Guest

    The Guest, as the title implies, is not actually a member of the range, and does not own any guns. They’re just somebody who got invited to come along by one of the other archetypes. Guests will generally just stand quietly and not touch anything until invited to do so, but some are prone to know-it-all-ism, and have the bad habit of thinking they actually have some sort of skills with firearms based on their extensive combined CounterStrike experience and collection of action movies. The quiet guest will gamely try anything he is handed, so the temptation to hand him the hardest kicking rifle you own and then tell him to put his eye “right up on the scope” must be avoided.

    Initially leery of firearms, the guest will usually quickly overcome their fears, make the obligatory “it doesn’t sound like that on TV” comments, and settle into some good supervised fun. The obnoxious guest will immediately make his way to the rifle rack, select the most visually impressive weapon, assure onlookers that he requires no help, and then spend 10 minutes trying to figure out how to chamber a round. Quiet guests may become a regular fixture and eventually become shooters themselves. Obnoxious ones are seldom invited back.

    12. The IPSC Weiner...

    Loves to congregate with others of his own kind and take over entire ranges for days at a time so he can play ''situational gunfighter''.

    Will construct entire towns out of plywood and cardboard in order to shoot for one afternoon.

    Owns a custom racegun worth more than the car he arrived in. Likes to dress in obnoxiously coloured clothes with firearms manufacturers’ logos prominently displayed on them in hopes others will think he’s sponsored.................He isn’t.

    The mortal enemy of the Man in Tac-Black, due to an ancient dispute over the definition of practical shooting.

    Engages in “realistic” combat shooting scenarios such as being seated on a toilet while wearing a holstered handgun, and suddenly having to dispatch two armed terrorists who broke into his bathroom via rappeling through his sky-light. Will collect your ejected brass before it has a chance to bounce, whether he shoots that calibre or not.

    Likes to work into conversation the number of dubious shooting academies he’s attended, and name drop any quasi-celebrity IPSC shooters he knows in order to impress others..................................Doesn’t work.

    Hates being confronted by questions like “just how practical is a pistol that falls out of the holster, fires if you even look at it dirty, and requires 60 hours of maintenance a week?” or “what kind of lunatic would immediately holster his pistol and yell ‘clear’ at a stopwatch-wielding bystander in a real gunfight?”, or the dreaded (and MY personal fabvorite!) “Uh........wouldn’t a shotgun be more effective?”.

    13. The Hippie...

    A rarity at most ranges, the Hippie is usually an acquaintance of a shooter who has been brought to the range after shooting their mouth off about guns one too many times. Could be considered an offshoot of the Guest, but is different in that they have no interest in shooting for shooting’s sake;

    they’re looking for further evidence to support their patchouli-soaked and generally worthless opinions.

    Ironically, will arrive clad in more army surplus than the Paramilitary Poseur. Hippies will claim this is done to make an ironic social commentary, but the truth is that camouflage is less likely to show stains, and they evidently can’t afford real clothes.

    Will comment about the “negative energy” coming off the guns, but rest assured, your firearms are not generating an ionic discharge. They are referring to the “aura” that a non-organic, inanimate object inexplicably possesses.

    More likely witnessing an acid flashback, or possibly hallucinating out of hunger due to an all-tofu diet.

    Will try firing, only after wondering aloud why anyone needs guns, and inquiring as to how many children you’ve shot at.

    Do not let the Hippie fire from anything but a supported position, as they will certainly scream and drop your weapon sights-down onto the concrete.

    This is an excellent way to convert a costly precision rifle scope into a hollow black tube.

    After firing a minimum of rounds, and picking up an “idiot cut” along the way, the Hippie will leave, never to return. They will, however, now feel free to consider themselves an expert on firearms.
  2. perga1

    perga1 Active Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Brian, which category are you in? You forgot the porch momkeys. JRM
  3. ramorton

    ramorton Well-Known Member

    Jan 8, 2006
    Driftwood, Tx
    You must have visited Capitol City Trap and Skeet in Austin, Texas. Absolutely described to the tee. But this is trap and skeet with sporting clays and the "worms" that can't walk the sporting course. They have to have their golf carts. And then, you have to let Eddie and his 11 yr. old kid on the trap field. Eddie has no idea what kind of shotgun he has or how to load it. But he does have 3 1/4 dram #4's some idiot gave him and told him to let his kid try these at skeet. Of course, he is on the trap field. None of these know the first thing about safety and have the shotgun loaded with two shells or more. I could go on and on but we get to wait till we witness a killing or we get lucky, and the recoil is too much for both or three or however many they bring with them and they leave. Hopefully to never return alone or with someone. Of course the shotguns are always brand new automatics from wherever. Do not ever put your trap gun in the rack beside one of these idiots, they'll pick it up and say, "what the hell is this". It happened to a friend that had just bought his new Trap Special. Suhl at that.
  4. Savage99Stan

    Savage99Stan Active Member

    Dec 27, 2007
    I might suggest number fifteen:
    The long range 22 shooter. Arrives in a compact car, unloads from a Penguin case, a Ruger 10-22 target model actually from Volquartzen and Lilja, with a scope that costs the equal of a third world's defense budget. He talks drop and drift and has a mind so full of numbers and data that he can't talk rationally with a normal human. He has seventy four kinds of match ammo and buys by the case, thinking $1500 is not too much for ammo that groups into "two hundreds". Unlike most listed, he can actually shoot, especially with the three hundred dollar rest, leather bags and spirit level on the scope. Likes to end the day with ten closely grouped holes in a prairie dog target set up at one hundred and fifty yards.

    Or sixteen:
    The Legend in his own mind. Much like IPSC and ppc guy. This guy brings along continually changing acolytes who hang on his every word. He has match guns from Baer, custom shop Smiths, and bitches about changes made to the club, to which he belongs but whose meetings he never attends and absolutely never offers to volunteer or attend work parties. He has his own target stands as those of the club are not "sturdy" enough. Has not been seen in a competitive situation in years because, "those dumb asses don't know how to run a match."
  5. Bluedotman

    Bluedotman Active Member

    Mar 29, 2009
  6. Steve W

    Steve W Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Los Angeles
    Agreed with your descriptions, I've seen all the above types, but this is my favorite type as long as she points her firearm toward the general directions of the target.

  7. short shucker

    short shucker TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Look, no eye or ear protection? Shame on her.

  8. Brian in Oregon

    Brian in Oregon Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Deplorable Bitter Clinger in Liberal La La Land
    Yeah. She obviously needs a spanking.
  9. trapshootin hippie

    trapshootin hippie Well-Known Member

    Apr 9, 2007
    Pretty good descriptions ya got there, But that No. 13 just ain't right. We're not all like that.

    Nice butt floss the little lady has there too.
  10. grnberetcj

    grnberetcj Active Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Don't forget about the Archery shooter....


  11. Leo

    Leo Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    As I read the verbage, I was able to think of people I have met in the last 30 plus years at the range. The place I really enjoyed most was a private gun club with about 500 members. Everyone was given ample training on safety and etiquette so they themselves can get the best enjoyment while making sure the new guy does not endanger or annoy the current members. Since everyone was required to donate a dozen hours of labor to maintain the facilities and the equipment, most everyone took good care of those things. And you'll really like this. The skeet guys didn't screw with the trap guys, the shotgunners supported and helped the pistol competitors, and the High power rifle competitors were liked and respected by the others and they helped out at the shotgun and pistol events.

    I thought thats they way it should be until I moved to different clubs and watch skeet people steal and sell one of the target throwers that belonged to the trap group, and the shotgunners shut down the rifle and pistol programs, because they had a voting majority on the board. I found this condition at 6 to 8 more clubs. That is why the antigunners will win, we are way too divided amoung ourselves.

    If we invest in the attitudes of our clubs as much as we invest in the bragging rights of our fancy shotguns, our sport, and shooting sports in general would not be on a decline.

    Thank you for your support.
  12. Ed in MD

    Ed in MD TS Member

    Dec 23, 2009
    I just looked at the pictures
  13. RobertT

    RobertT Well-Known Member

    Jun 27, 2006
    Leo, I belong to a club that is much like the one you describe. Curiously, we rarely see the ones described in Brians top thirteen.

  14. CharlesK80

    CharlesK80 Member

    Jan 19, 2008
    Brian, nice job. Enjoyed all descriptions. Pics were great too.
  15. addictedtotrap

    addictedtotrap Member

    Mar 16, 2010
    Elkhart , IN
    WHile out trap shooting today, there were 4 "new" folks to shooting, myself and another trap shooter introduced them to the fine art of Wobble, the 4 "newbies" had a ball shooting.. The other guy I was with even let them shoot his 870 express; we are like the club described by Leo, although I would like to see more of the pictured shooters..:)
  16. spitter

    spitter Well-Known Member TS Supporters

    Jan 29, 1998
    Prairie State
    funny, but I thought this was a shotgun-discipline BB... could've been funnier...

  17. bluedsteel

    bluedsteel Member

    Dec 25, 2007
    Well done! LOL!

  18. Brian in Oregon

    Brian in Oregon Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Deplorable Bitter Clinger in Liberal La La Land
    Jay, that's the way I got it in an email. Perhaps some wits (or wags) here can add the trap range types you see.
  19. Don Steele

    Don Steele Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Florida's beautiful E. Coast
    Anyone here creative enough to add 3 more categories..??
    Surely we've all met quintessential examples of:
    Trap, Skeet, and Sporting Clays shooters.
    The ones that get my blood boiling, regardless of their choice of toys...are the folks who will make statements to the effect of:
    "I don't care if they ban those__________(insert choice of firearm here), after all who needs a ________".
    ALWAYS spoken about someone else's choice by someone too stupid to feel the noose tightening around their own throat.
  20. hopper810

    hopper810 Member

    Nov 15, 2009
    don't know if any of you folks have seen this web site. it's not really shotgun related,but it's a very funny read.

    what's scary is i've seen a couple of people like this.
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