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Stimulus Dollars ?

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by BRGII, Sep 3, 2009.

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  1. BRGII

    BRGII TS Member

    Feb 26, 2008
    Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive an Economic Stimulus
    Payment. This is a very exciting program. I'll explain it using the Q
    and A format:

    Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
    A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

    Q. Where will the government get this money?
    A. From taxpayers.

    Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
    A. Only a smidgen.

    Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
    A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

    Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
    A. Shut up.

    Below are some helpful hints on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

    * If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go
    to China or Sri Lanka

    * If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
    * If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China. .

    * If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico,
    Honduras and Guatemala .

    * If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
    * If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
    * If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to
    management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

    Instead, keep the money in America by:

    1 spending it at yard sales, or
    2 going to ball games, or
    3 spending it on prostitutes, or
    4 beer or
    5 tattoos.

    (These are the only American businesses still operating in the US .)

    Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day.
  2. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Near but not in chicago
    Let's get a bus with a tatooist and a keg!
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