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Some wednesday humor

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by kelly andersen, Feb 20, 2008.

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  1. kelly andersen

    kelly andersen TS Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2007
    Messages:
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    Not even the Lord knows!!

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The Lord and the Trapshooter

    A trapshooter was driving along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
    The trapshooter pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over to shoot anytime I want."

    The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.

    Take a little more time and think of something that would hono r and glorify me."

    The trapshooter thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

    The Lord replied, "Do you want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
     
  2. cableguy

    cableguy TS Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2007
    Messages:
    234
    To Be 6 Again...

    A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

    'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.

    On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park.

    What a day!
    He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
    Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

    He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

    Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?'

    Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

    'I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!'

    The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
     
  3. kelly andersen

    kelly andersen TS Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2007
    Messages:
    328
    Chinese Sick Day"I No Come Work Today!"
    Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today.



    I sick, headache, stomach ache, legs hurt, I no come work."The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like that, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that." Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say, I feel great. I be work soon..........you got nice house."
     
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