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&&&&&&&& SMILES FOR TODAY &&&&&&&&

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by dontrys, Sep 11, 2008.

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  1. dontrys

    dontrys TS Member

    Nov 14, 2006
    You Just Can't Fix Stupid!!

    Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter. 'You don't?' I replied. 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply. 'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?' 'That's right.' So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets

    I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar c ode she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?' I said to her 'I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today. ' She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

    A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'

    I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. ' Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?' 'Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked. 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk.'

    Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use copier machine paper,' the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.

    I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in 'Twister.' I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the 'cruise control' and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

    My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: 'I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?'

    Police in Radnor , Pa. Interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message 'He's lying' was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the 'lie detector' was working, the suspect confessed.

    A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine .. The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer.....
    Dispatcher: Rush him to the emergency room!

    Which is better...7 1/2 or 8?

    Life is tough, It's tougher if you're stupid
    And remember - these people can

    vote and they're all DEMOCRATS
  2. H82MIS

    H82MIS TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Number one above,,,are you sure that wasn't 2str8,,,,,,,
  3. BRGII

    BRGII TS Member

    Feb 26, 2008
    LOL BRGII, I agree 2str8 has to be in there somewhere.
  4. gasman03

    gasman03 Member

    Feb 7, 2007
    Same thing happened to me once. Went to the drive through in McDonalds. They have 3 and 5 piece chicken selects. I ordered a 10 piece and he told me all they had was 3 and 5. I looked over at my son and smiled and told him to give me Three 3 piece that would be close enough. He said nothing.

  5. wolfram

    wolfram Well-Known Member

    Jul 17, 2007
    Here is a similar true story,

    The other day I took my daughter to the swimming pool and the admission was $5.50 so I gave the teenage cashier gal a ten and two quarters. She was stumped . First she tried to give me $4.50 in change then I tried to explain $10.50 minus $5.50 is $5.00. I thought the light came on but then she gives me a five, three ones and my original two quarters. I gave up and went swimming.

    How is it possible to be a high school student in these United States and not have even second grade mathematic skills?

    KEYBEAR Active Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    If they (teenager) can count to ten thank a parent if not thank a Liberal .

  7. dontrys

    dontrys TS Member

    Nov 14, 2006
    A biker is riding by the zoo when he sees a little girl leaning into the
    lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage, and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

    A New York Times reporter has seen the whole scene and, addressing the biker, says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole

    'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.'

    'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist from the New York Times, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this on the first page. What motorcycle do you ride and what political affiliation do you have?'

    'A Harley Davidson and I am a Republican.'

    The journalist leaves.

    The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads on the first page:

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