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Sayings to make you smile

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by porky, Jun 17, 2012.

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  1. porky

    porky TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998

    1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

    2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every damn minute of it.

    3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

    4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

    5. Don 't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

    6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

    7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

    8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

    9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

    10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

    11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck- is-the-room- spinning medicine.

    12. God must love stupid people, he made so many.

    13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

    14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

    15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

    16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

    17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

    18. Procrastinate Now!

    19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

    20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

    21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

    22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

    23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

    24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

    25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

    26. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken,a lifetime commitment for a pig.

    27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

    28. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

    29. Any woman can have the body of a 29 year old as long as she buys him enough drinks first.

    30. I'm starting to wonder what 4 bad years without a president would look like

    31. It's scarey when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

    32. Women are always complaining about how men are suffocating them. Personally I think that if you can hear them, you aren't pressing hard enough with the pillow.

    33. Ever get the feeling that your stuff strutted off without you.

    34. Ever notice that the people that tell you to calm down are the same people who pissed you off to begin with.

    And my personal favorite

    35. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
  2. PatMiles

    PatMiles Well-Known Member

    Sep 26, 2011
    My personal favorite:

    It's NEVER too late to have a happy childhood.

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