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Rules to Date my Daughter

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by 100straight, Apr 22, 2013.

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  1. 100straight

    100straight Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    584
    Rule One:
    If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

    Rule Two:
    You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

    Rule Three:
    I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

    Rule Four:
    I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

    Rule Five:
    It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

    Rule Six:
    I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

    Rule Seven:
    As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

    Rule Eight:
    The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

    Rule Nine:
    Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

    Rule Ten:
    Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a Black Hawk chopper coming in over a sand hill near Mogadishu. When my PTSD starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is me.
     
  2. Terry_Maiden

    Terry_Maiden TS Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    120
    Your daughter will be very lonely...
     
  3. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    7,557
    Location:
    Wauwatosa Wisconsin
    100straight:
    I agree with you. The first time my son in law came over to the house to pick up my daughter for a date I told him I wanted to talk to him in private and lets go for a walk.

    I told him the Sun rises and sets on my daughter. She is the most important thing to me. If I ever hear that you make her sad, upset, cry, there is no place on this planet that you can hide from me.

    Do you understand? I repeated it twice for him. He assured me that he was a good kid and I told him that he will have to earn my trust.

    That night he told my daughter what I told him and all He-- broke loose when she got baCK HOME AS SHE ALSO TOLD MY WIFE. i HAD MY DAUGHTER AND MY WIFE UPSET WITH ME AND i TOLD THEM BOTH THAT SOMEDAY THEY Would THANK ME.

    My daughter is married now to the same guy that originally picked her up on that first date that I just spoke about. Recently, after 10 years of marriage he came up to me and said, "do you remember the talk you gave me the first time we met"? I said yes. He said that was the best thing I ever heard.

    He said If we ever have a daughter I will do the same thing. Some people will disagree with our tactics but in the long run I believe boyfriends and your children are better off fearing the father just a bit.

    Your doing a good job in my opinion. Your daughter will thank you some day.
    Steve Balistreri
    'Wauwatosa Wisconsin
     
  4. need to shoot more

    need to shoot more Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2006
    Messages:
    1,227
    My Daughters Boyfriends Father was my best friend back in 9th grade ( 30+ years ago) we are now reunited some what because time does change things. That being said if I dont scare him him his Dad does :)
     
  5. HSLDS

    HSLDS Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2006
    Messages:
    6,335
    Location:
    S-E PA
    Another aspect is teaching her to shoot - and shoot well.

    There is nothing more intimidating nor more interesting to a boy than a girl who can out shoot him.
     
  6. fssberson

    fssberson Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    2,375
    My daughter had trouble getting dates in high school... she is good looking with a good personality, BUT her daddy was the school principal at the largest juvenile hall in the country. Date my daughter - get arrested - and your life as you know it is over. This was for real. I was feared by many young men and I thought I was a really nice guy. Heck my daughter was feared as she shot trap at a very high level with pictures in the school year book. Fred
     
  7. Papineau

    Papineau TS Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    23
    I used variations on this theme, with my now son-in-law, several years ago. They went together for 7 years and have been married for 3 years. Ground rules is all they were.

    My daughter understood and respected her daddy, and she made it plain to the boy not to messw with me. I could be his best buddy or his worst nightmare, it was entirely up to him. He made the two best decisions he could, allowing my daughter to choose him and respecting her father.
    Pap
     
  8. oz

    oz Active Member

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    you have been watching too many movies. God help your daughter.
     
  9. cubancigar2000

    cubancigar2000 Well-Known Member

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    Location:
    Idaho
    sorry but I am with OZ, you should have already trained your daughter and you cant change the kid. If you have done a good job with her, she will handle it well
     
  10. W.P.T.

    W.P.T. TS Member

    Joined:
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    8,371
    My Son in Law is a great guy, when I first met him I told him that if he ever hurt my "Little Girl" I would beat him to the point his Mother wouldn't recognize him ... They have been together almost 17 years, he has never once abused her and is a great father to my 3 Grand daughters ... WPT ... (YAC) ...
     
  11. Garry

    Garry Active Member

    Joined:
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    533
    Question 1. Will you lead my daughter closer to Christ or farther away.
     
  12. Catpower

    Catpower Molon Labe TS Supporters

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    Location:
    In the Cabana
    We didn't have any daughters, my wife had two sons when I met her and I took they under my wing

    I will say we must have done a good job raising them because when they were in high school we had parents of girls they had been dating that wanted to meet us because they said both young men were the most polite and cordial kids they had ever met
     
  13. Unsingle

    Unsingle Member

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    100 Straight - I agree with you 100%.
     
  14. Steve Fischer

    Steve Fischer Member

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    Location:
    Port St. Lucie, Florida
    Why is it that the same "Daddy's" are the first to encourage their boys to go and get laid often and sow those so called "wild oats" yet will be ready to commit murder if one of those boys touches his daughter? Don't bother answering, as it was a rhetorical question.
    Having had kids of both sexes, I feel qualified to testify that girls aren't all that different from boys during their teen years when they are all running around with raging hormones, and are often the instigator in exploring their sexuality.
    The best you can hope for is that you raised them with enough self confidence and respect for themselves as well as others, to keep their knees together.
    Unlike the 50's, 60's and into the hippy "free love" era of the 70's, the kids today have far more serious consequences to deal with besides a dose of the clap, crabs, or even unwanted pregnancy. AIDS can be a death sentence to these young people while experimenting in their sexuality, and far more scary than the threats of an overly protective dad.
     
  15. halfmile

    halfmile Well-Known Member

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    Green Bay Wisconsin
    Looks like the Willie Robertson school of dating ettiquette getting traction here.

    This will create a whole lot of pregnant daughters.

    HM
     
  16. motordoctor

    motordoctor Shoji Tabuchi in Branson

    Joined:
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    Location:
    ohio
    I'll second the notion about fssberson. He is one bad SOB> Don't mess with him as he WILL have the last word and maybe put you in detention time. motordoc
     
  17. Gunnerx11

    Gunnerx11 TS Member

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    I doubt a black guy will attempt to date his daughter.

    Gunnerx
     
  18. oz

    oz Active Member

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    I'm sorry but 100 straight sounds like a muslim.
     
  19. shannon391

    shannon391 Active Member

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    When I was young man, I found the babes that had very strict parents... were bat shi$$ crazy in heat, once they got loose!
     
  20. Shootrman

    Shootrman Member

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    Messages:
    766
    I never said a bad word to my future son in law except after the 3rd date, I wanted to meet his parents if she spends any time at his place. Great people and I was reassured both houses had the same rules. And 2 grandsons later! Life is Good
     
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