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Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by George Steffes, Feb 27, 2011.

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  1. George Steffes

    George Steffes TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    One day a man decided to retire...

    He booked himself on a Caribbean cruiseand proceeded

    to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank

    He soon found himself on an island with no other

    people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

    After about four months, he is lying on the

    beach one day when the most gorgeous woman

    he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

    In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from?

    How did you get here?"

    She replies, "I rowed over from the other

    side of the island where I landed when

    my cruise ship sank."

    "Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky

    to have a row boat wash up with you."

    "Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made
    the boat out of some raw material I found on the island.

    The oars were whittled from gum tree branches.

    I wove the bottom from palm tree branches,

    and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

    "But, where did you get the tools?"

    "Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman.

    "On the south side of the island, a very unusual

    stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if

    I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln,

    it melted into ductile iron. I used that to make

    tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

    The guy is stunned.

    "Let's row over to my place," she says.

    So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks

    the boat at a small wharf.

    As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls

    off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk

    leading to an cabin and treehouse.

    While the woman ties up the rowboat with an

    expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare

    ahead, dumbstruck.

    As they walk into the house, she says casually,

    "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down,

    please. Would you like a drink?"

    "No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed.
    "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

    "It's not coconut juice," winks the woman.

    "I have a still. How would you like a

    Tropical Spritz?"

    Trying to hide his continued amazement, the

    man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.

    After they exchange their individual survival stories,

    the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into

    something more comfortable. Would you like

    to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in

    the bathroom cabinetupstairs."

    No longer questioning anything, the man goes

    upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet

    is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone.

    Two shells honed to a hollow ground edgeare

    fastened onto its end inside a swivel mechanism.

    "This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"

    When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing

    but some small flowers on tiny vines, each

    strategically positioned; she smelled faintly

    of gardenias.

    She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

    "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer

    to him, "We've both been out here for many

    months. You must have been lonely. There's something

    I'm certain you feel like doing right now,

    something you've been longing for, right?"

    She stares into his eyes.

    He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..."

    he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in

    his eyes,

    "You've built a Golf Course ?"
  2. grntitan

    grntitan Well-Known Member

    Mar 25, 2009
    IL(The gun friendly Southern Part)
    Thats a good one but should have said "Trap Field".

  3. shooter99

    shooter99 Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Funny story, but even if it was a trap field it would come in second place to what she was leading up to.
  4. bigunn

    bigunn TS Member

    Feb 26, 2008
    Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to
    paint the seat on their toilet.

    Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. After
    finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she

    She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the
    shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized
    that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.
    About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament.
    They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever.
    Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts. Lucy
    wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the hospital
    emergency room.

    The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to
    free her (Try to get a mental picture of this.).
    Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying,
    "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."
    The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them. I just
    never saw one mounted and framed."
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