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Profit?

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by BRGII, Feb 27, 2009.

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  1. BRGII

    BRGII TS Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2008
    Messages:
    740
    New Definitions: Stock Market








    New Stock Market Terms

    CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer


    CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer


    BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius



    BEAR MARKET – a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.


    VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower..


    P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.


    BROKER – What my financial planner has made me.


    STANDARD & POOR – Your life in a nutshell.


    STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.


    STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.


    MARKET CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks.


    CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.


    YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.


    WINDOWS – What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.


    INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR – Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.



    PROFIT – an archaic word no longer in use.

    # # # # #


    If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines

    one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.



    If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG

    one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.



    If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers

    one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.



    But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer

    one year ago, drank all the beer,

    then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund,

    you will have received $214.00.


    Based on the above, the best current investment plan

    is to drink heavily & recycle.

    It's called the 401-Keg.
     
  2. crusha

    crusha TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    5,762
    I like it.
     
  3. creteham

    creteham Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2008
    Messages:
    61
    Funny but dated. Tried to sell beer cans lately? Down around 11 cents a pound around here! Same thing I got for them back when I was in Jr. High. Had to fight the dinosaurs for 'em then, though, according to Boy :)

    Terry
     
  4. Bisi

    Bisi TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    3,399
    Well it wouldn't have helped me, I usually drink my beer out of glass bottles, guess I lose again.

    Time to buy toys boys, wish I would have purchased a boat, sports car, gun or anything instead of buying Citigroup, GE, Mot or a half a dozen other worthless stocks I purchased. The toys would still be worth something and I would have got some enjoyment instead of misery.

    What is the joke the one comedian says - people say money can't buy you happiness, well that is bs, because money can buy you a jet ski and everybody you see on a jet ski has a big smile and is happy.
     
  5. BRGII

    BRGII TS Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2008
    Messages:
    740
    Here in Oregon, 5 cents for plastic, cans, and bottles. It's required. Ergo $1000 beer at 60 cents per can/bottle/plastic. Would only be $84 in return, still a good investment. BRGII
     
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