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Power struggles within families

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by senior smoke, Aug 1, 2011.

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  1. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

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    Hello:
    My topics for my threads usuually come out of things happening within my own family. Presently, WW lll has erupted over my father in law naming my wife as his sole POA. The oldest son who lives in LA is also very wealthy and feels that being the oldest, he should be sole POA. My wife is second oldest as another brother who is two years younger than her could care less. Than comes the youngest in the family who has always been very materialistic, and seldom does anything for anyone unless she see's a potential payday at the end of the tunnel.

    As I type, the oldest son has now been granted by my wife's suggestion to her father, co-POA along with my wife. My father inlaw's reasoning to originally make my wife sole POA was because she is responsible, and originally lived in the same city and state as her father. Despite her oldest brother now being named co-POA, he still is upset as he feels being the oldest, he should be sole POA.

    The youngest daughter has initiated a war siding with the oldest brother as my wife caught her youngest sister cleaning out her father's Wisconsin home of all furniture and appliances for herself and children, as soon as he moved to Texas. My wife requested that she return all items per her father's request to the house as he wants all items evenly divided up between all the children.

    This is whole situation is a compolete mess as the three other children are bickering over who should get what items. My wife does not want any items but her family is being destroyed especially by the greedy and jealous youngest sister.

    My father inlaw is in good health especially for his age of 86. Someday when he passes, his estate will total in the range of 5 to 10 million dollars. As he is still living and hates confrontaion and says virtually nothing. I being an outsider looking in, have decided to stay out of this family squabble.

    Have any of you ever had anything even close to what we are experiencing as I told my wife the problems will really start once he passes away. Any suggestions would be helpful.
    Thanks in advance,
    Steve Balistreri
     
  2. pdq

    pdq Member

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    Steve:

    I've lived thru this twice. Not easy, but there are things your wife can do right now that will less the in-fighting as time goes by.

    I'll send you a PM.

    Pete
     
  3. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Pete.
    Steve
     
  4. g7777777

    g7777777 TS Supporters TS Supporters

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    Well you say your wife dosnt want anything and it is the other three kids who are causing all the problems and that you arent involved.

    Simple solution.

    Sign a declaration of intent not to take anything from his estate.

    Then refuse to act as POA

    See a local attorney to draw those papers up for you.

    Regards from Iowa

    Gene
     
  5. Hal1225

    Hal1225 Member

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    Sorry but you can't take it with you. Your wife's father should have taken care of this a long time ago and had the stuff already split up equally. Sell it all divide up the money fairly be done no arguing who got more. The guy is 86 he doesn't need much but a cup of coffee and a phone call once in awhile. Maybe he can oil up his shotgun once a day. Good Luck, I went through this all my life. My father's brother stole his machine shop during WWII. My Dad fought, his brother stayed home and lit cigars with $100 bills that were half my fathers to be given to my mother. Even though he was married my Dad went and took his brothers place. The brother was 2 years younger. The brother stopped making monthly payments to my mother so my Mom wrote my Dad about it. He writes back to the brother telling him to pay her. The brother writes back and says I hope the Japs sink the carrier he was on. So my Dad writes back and says they better sink it because when I come back I'll kill you. Well this feud never ended until his brother went bankrupt and drank himself to death at age 40. I never saw the uncle until I went to the funeral, I was in 9th grade. Not only didn't my father ever speak to his brother but he never spoke to his father either over the BS. Never went to the same church either.
    After my father died my brother the Lawyer tried the same crap on me that happened to my father. My brother died at 46yo. I'm 11 years older. So I hate arguing and will not start them but I never runaway from trouble. I'm 65yo I wish my brother was still alive!

    Harry Lyga
     
  6. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

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    Harry:
    By the time this is all done, I am sure this will end up in court as the attorneys will profit greatly. My wife and I have cancer, and the youngest daughter told my wife as she returned the items taken, never to talk to her again, and I hope you die. As you can see, this has no where to go but down.

    My father inlaw recently gave my wife a complete accounting of how much money his children have received in cash gifts over the years as the youngest daughter has received three times the amount of any one else. The brothers are now requesting they get cash to even it out. My wife asked her father should she pass away that he ask his attorney to put a proviision that the children get their share. My wife asked that he do this for all of the famlies involved.

    When my dad passed away, my brother asked what can I have? I said take what you want. He took gold coins and I took 500 morgan silver dollars. There was no arguements, no problems at all.
    Steve
     
  7. Hal1225

    Hal1225 Member

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    When my Dad came home He told my mother that his brother wouldn't give him back his half and that his only choice was to sue him. My mother said "you 're going to sue your own brother". My Dad said what choice do I have? She said "let him choke on it, you can start a new shop in the chicken coop. That's what my Dad did. His brother choked on his vomit in the hospital and died. He got what he deserved. But my father was a sad man inside all the time I knew him. He did visit his brother in the hospital and saw his father there and spoke to him.

    Harry Lyga
     
  8. BigBadBob

    BigBadBob TS Member

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    My Dad went through this several years ago when my grandmother passed. The in-laws ( sons and daughters in-law) can NOT have any say in the splitting or dividing of an estate. Frankly, it is none of their business.

    My Dad and his 4 sisters sat down and wqually divided the estate amongst themselves. It helped that none of them were in any real need of everything.
    Myself and all 16 of the grandkids were allowed to go in the house and pick 1 item that they were allowed to take and keep( of course I took Grandpa's old Winchester Model 67 22. rifle). This was painless and everyone got what they deserved.
    Of course as soon as my brother and I got back to or parents home, we got out the masking tape and markers and began tagging household items we wanted when or parents pass on. It was quite a lively afternoon.

    Good Luck in this most distatseful part of life when greed clouds the minds of your loved-ones.
     
  9. kiv-c

    kiv-c Member

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    If your father-in-law had any inkling that this sort of feud would erupt, he should have placed everything he owned into a trust and designated a non-family administrator to take care it. Costs a monthly fee to retain the administrator, but it's sure better than creating a blood feud!

    Kiv
     
  10. pyrdek

    pyrdek Well-Known Member

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    My wife, the youngest child, was the Executor and POA for her mother. Her Father died several years previously.

    When it came time to distribute the possessions, an appraiser listed values for anything of major importance. Then all the children met to list what they would like to have. If two or more wanted the same item, a deck of cards was cut to decide who got it. The values of the items balanced out so each was approximately the same. Money was split up evenly between all the living children, as was stated in the will. When the house was sold, all money remaining after taxes etc. was included in the division. My wife, although she would have been legally entitled (again as stated in the will), did not charge the estate anything for her time and effort as executrix, which was a considerable amount of time, frustration and general pain in the seat.

    The will did a pretty good job of saying how everything was to be handled. I would have to give the lawyer that wrote it up credit for foreseeing what the problem areas might be and smoothing them out before any fight was even contemplated.

    My only involvement was suggesting the "deck of cards" to decide who got any item desired by two or more and helping to haul out the items my wife wanted.

    We were fortunate in that there was no serious problems between siblings and the will made it highly likely that any thoughts about raising a problem would have been counter-productive. Everyone is still on friendly terms and get along very well.

    My M-I-L lived to be over a hundred and one son had died several years back, another died maybe six or seven years earlier and there were four remaining children alive to inherit her estate.

    When my mother died, I, being an only brat, did not have the problems because she had virtually nothing left. The Rest home "inherited" most of what little she had to cover the expenses. They were also helping her out through their benevolent care program so I can't complain about them getting paid by her while she still had a little left to pay with. My wife ended up doing most of the estate handling needed and there was very little to do by comparison with her mother's estate.

    I have come to the conclusion that the best way to go out of this world is the same way you came in. That is owning nothing and owing nothing!
     
  11. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

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    BigBadBob:
    I like your sentence "Good Luck in this most distatseful part of life when greed clouds the minds of your loved-ones". The family got along wonderful before this all happened. I suggested to every spouse to stay out of it as it's a family matter. Every spouse has done that accept one, the youngest daughter's attorny husband.
    Steve
     
  12. sliverbulletexpress

    sliverbulletexpress TS Member

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    OMG I've stumbled into Facebook again.
     
  13. schockstrap

    schockstrap Active Member

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    I know that I'll never understand how some people think, but all of this dividing of possessions just seems silly in my eyes. There's always someone in the family that needs it the most, and they should probably get it unless they've shown a propensity to squander money (and then what they need is a different kind of help). There are many things that my parents have that I feel attachment to, and several that I know my Dad wants me to have, but I'm not going to start an intra-family fued over it if one of my brothers ends up with them. After all, it's only "stuff" -- it's not a reflection of how well-loved you are in your family. It doesn't have to equal out in the end.

    I also hope that I never feel the need to have a will written with precise instructions on how to divide my estate amongst my kids... Sure, I want to have something in place to reduce legal hassles and avoid probate, but I don't want to cram it full of intentions on who is supposed to get what. Throw it up in the air and see where it lands for all I care.

    --Dan
     
  14. mixer

    mixer Well-Known Member

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    Facebook? It's more like Oprah & Dr. Phil meet Judge Judy.


    eric
     
  15. grntitan

    grntitan Well-Known Member

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    SBE and Mixer,

    LMAO at you two. :)
     
  16. John Galt

    John Galt TS Member

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    I agree with shocktrap, give everything to the loser in the family. What a great incentive to fail.
     
  17. quartering

    quartering Active Member

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    you crack me up; like if there isn't enough conflict in the family already, posting your thoughts about it here, where they will never see it, will surely make matters even better! and who walks away from a quarter interest in a 5 to 10 million dollar estate? give me a break. good luck with it
     
  18. timberfaller

    timberfaller Well-Known Member

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    If all involved are still "of sound mind" drop the POA and go see an Estate Lawyer.

    Good one's will charge between $1500 to $2000 to set up a Estate plan. They will ask you about ALL your assets, who you want to have what. It then becomes "signed,sealed and delivered"

    No chance of any bickering or probate.

    This is according to a Estate seminar put on for Federal employee's retirement information.

    Been a POA, wouldn't do it again! Greed and uncontrolled emotions ruins everything!

    Good luck.
     
  19. 1oldtimer

    1oldtimer TS Member

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    I thought this was for shooting related. Don't really need personal problems? 1OT
     
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