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Phunny Phursday

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by pdq, Jan 12, 2012.

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  1. pdq

    pdq Member

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    A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.


    The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"


    "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.


    "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.


    "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."


    "Will you spend this on shells and targets shooting trap?" the man asked.


    "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't shot trap in 20 years!"


    "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.


    "What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.


    "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."


    The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty bad."


    The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he's been forced to give up beer, fishing, shooting, and sex."

    Pete
     
  2. dave-320c

    dave-320c Well-Known Member

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    And then the fight started ...

    and he, too, became homeless
     
  3. RickN

    RickN Well-Known Member

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    Location:
    Minnysoda
    New Father.

    A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

    "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.

    "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"
     
  4. pdq

    pdq Member

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    Rick -- good one.

    pdq
     
  5. yvonne

    yvonne Banned User Banned

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    Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

    The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

    The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

    So, on the way home the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said "Do you have any Rye bread?"

    She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?" He said, "I want 5 loaves."

    She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves ... By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard"

    He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this shit but me."
     
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