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OT Mean Moms Needed, Apply within

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by luvnbearhugs1, Apr 23, 2007.

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  1. luvnbearhugs1

    luvnbearhugs1 TS Member

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    Many times I have kicked myself because as a single mom, my kids did without alot of the things that their friends had and because I worked so much, they missed out on going places they would like to have gone. I missed many moments in their lives that I will never be able to regain. I am incredibly proud of the adults that my kids have become. I have apologized to them many times for my shortcomings as a mom and several months ago they sent this email to me.

    Mean Moms


    Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them, as my Mean Mom told me:

    I loved you enough to ask where you were going, with whom,
    and what time you would be home.

    I loved you enough to be silent and let you
    discover that your new best friend was a creep.

    I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours
    while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15
    minutes.

    I loved you enough to let you see anger,
    disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must
    learn that their parents aren't perfect.

    I loved you enough to let you assume the
    responsibility for your actions even when the
    penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

    But most of all, I loved you enough . . . to say
    NO when I knew you would hate me for it.

    Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm
    glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.
    And someday when your children are old enough to
    understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.

    Was our Mom mean? I know mine was. We had the
    meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids
    ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat
    sandwiches.

    And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was
    different from what other kids had, too.

    Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all
    times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She
    had to know who our friends were, and what we were
    doing with them. She insisted that if we said we
    would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.

    We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve
    to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work.

    We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to
    cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash
    and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie
    awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.

    She always insisted on us telling the truth, the
    whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time
    we were teenagers, she could read our minds and had
    eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really tough!

    Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn
    when they drove up. They had to come up to the door
    so she could meet them. While everyone else could
    date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16.

    Because of our mother we missed out on lots of
    things other kids experienced. None of us have ever
    been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's
    property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault.

    Now that we have left home, we are all educated,
    honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean
    parents just like Mom was.

    I think that is what's wrong with the world today.
    It just doesn't have enough mean moms!
     
  2. JB Logan Co. Ohio

    JB Logan Co. Ohio TS Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    luvnbearhugs1- We must be siblings as I do believe I had the same Mother as you did! It's not east being a parent in today's world/society. I see many parents being their child's best friend. You CAN'T be your child's best friend, you must be your child's PARENT. You can be their best friend once they turn about 23 or so. Sometimes as you stated the hardest thing is to say "no".

    JB=Jerry Beach (parent of two boys, 18 and 10) 8503917
     
  3. Jawhawker

    Jawhawker TS Member

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    Yes luvin life can be tough. But my son was never arrested, kicked out of school, got drunk (and yes I would know), ran the streets till whenever he felt like coming home, etc. Yes I was told that I was mean and unfair! Oh well I can live with that.........
     
  4. calilori

    calilori TS Member

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    507
    I'll never forget the time my daughter was about 16 years old and I overheard her on the phone telling her friend "she's probably right. My mom is always right. I HATE that" LOL.....she still calls me daily and more than once a week asks my advice about just about any decision she has to make about school, work, boyfriend, and life in general. I'm proud that I was a mean mom!
     
  5. luvnbearhugs1

    luvnbearhugs1 TS Member

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    My kids are the best two people in the world and that's hard to believe given I was the one to have them. My mother's threat was always " I hope you have kids as bad as you were" well that never happened. My kids have always been wonderful. But my house was not a democracy and until they were 18 they had no rights whatsoever. For those parents who think that a child has a right to privacy, well that right stops at the point where I am responsible for what that child is into. My kids knew that at any time, I could walk into their rooms and start opening drawers, throwing clothes and searching closets. It was rare, but did happen on two occasions and only because I had reason to believe I needed to look.

    All that being said, now I hear my daughter repeat things I said that I know she loathed when she was the kid and I was the mom. Things like, "pick it up, put it away or kiss it goodbye because it's in the trash" and "I don't have to give you a reason other than I said so"

    They are now 28 and my son will be 25 this friday. They grow up FAR too quickly.

    Luvn
     
  6. drunk_again

    drunk_again TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2007
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    funny how luv,en didn't catch on to the paert that her kids said, "we NEVER got CAUGHT" shoplifting or vandalizeing. to me, that there is a rock solid confession that they did committe the crimes, but was well trained as kids to be sneaky lil ones.
     
  7. luvnbearhugs1

    luvnbearhugs1 TS Member

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    Drunk_Again,

    My kids did not write the above blurb, they found it somewhere on the internet and sent it to me to let me know they think I raised them fine. I didn't say my kids NEVER got into trouble. They did all the normal button pushing and mischeviousness that every kid attempts. But they learned their lessons and turned out to be wonderfully responsible adults. For that matter, *I* was not an angel myself. But I learned right from wrong. It seems that kids of today are having trouble with the basics like learning right from wrong and acting accordingly.
     
  8. luvnbearhugs1

    luvnbearhugs1 TS Member

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    Wireguy,

    It is unfortunate that the sins of a few foster parents are tolling on the group as a hole. If that child had been the pastor's blood child, the courts would never have taken the kids away without fully investigating (and probably determining that the parents were doing their jobs) but because of a few cases of abuse resulting in death of foster children, the authorities can't take any chances if there is an allegation of abuse involving a foster child. Your example is certainly an extreme case and it seems like the community didn't do their part to stand up for the minister and his wife and that is truly sad. I certainly hope that changes and things look up for the wife in the future.
     
  9. recurvyarcher

    recurvyarcher Well-Known Member

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    This doesn't change my mind in the least little bit about spanking my child if she needs it. I spanked my son (he REALLY needed it), and I'll tan her butt, too. My kids turned out to be one great man, and one very delightful teenage girl, and it IS because they knew that I meant what I said.

    On the other hand, I hate parents that don't pay attention (because they say they don't have the time), and then use punishment as a cure-all measure. Punishment is AFTER you put in the initial effort of being involved from the beginning, and the kid still defies you. And there are all types of punishment that work, depending on what is most important to the kid (what punishment has the most effect depends on the individual kid).

    Luvn has done a good job with her kids. I'd like to see more of that in this world. It's sorely lacking.

    Luvn, remember that I always say: What works in disciplining horses works just as well for dogs, children, and husbands. LOL!

    Mean what you say, follow through each time, and do it with an even temper.
     
  10. Trapshooter

    Trapshooter Well-Known Member

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    My son lost his Mom at a young age and I had to fill in the gap. I don't think I could ever take the place of his mom. My mother and father were good friends with Herb Parsons. Whenever he was in Ohio he would give a call. My parents would have him over for dinner and sometimes he would stay the night. I decided to spend as much time with my son as I could. I used Herbs advice as my dad did for me and my brothers. “Go hunting with your boy today and you won’t have to hunt for him tomorrow,”. So I took him hunting, fishing, camping, and to trap shoots in 5 plus states. A lot of trapshooters took an interest in him and helped guide with his shooting as well as other things. He spend 5 years in the SCTP program and believe that helped as well. I enjoyed coaching SCTP. I think it helps when someone else reinforces what you are trying to instill in your child like morals for instance. We had a couple bumps in the road. But he turned out to be a great kid and is attending Lindenwood University as a sophomore and shooting on there team. I will always be his Dad and will never stop being that.
    signed financially desuetude, Hey man can ya all spare some shells and clays, LoL, Todd
     
  11. recurvyarcher

    recurvyarcher Well-Known Member

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    Todd...I'd be glad to spot you a few rounds anytime, my friend!
     
  12. MX/MT

    MX/MT TS Member

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    Can I get an "AMEN" brother!!
     
  13. lumper

    lumper TS Member

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    I had to check and be sure I was still on TS.com ... yep I'm still on the right board but I thought for a moment I was on some Oprah type blabberfest site with a bunch of touchy feely emotional garab a tissue and sob crud but nope ... this is still TS.com
     
  14. shotgunfun

    shotgunfun TS Member

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    Todd......believe me I feel your pain! :eek:) But I wouldn't change a thing. My son is working on becoming a wonderful man. He is 14 now and I couldn't be prouder. When he thanks me for what we are doing for him......and he means it....I know we are doing the right things. I congratulate you on having a son at Lindenwood. That is wonderful. It is all obviously worth it!

    Lorna
     
  15. Trapshooter

    Trapshooter Well-Known Member

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    recurvyarcher, bob finger, Lorna, MX/MT, Thank you for the kind words. It is great seeing my son as well as the other kids do well. That's the payback and I love it. I will be at the Ohio state shoot and part of the Grand(my buddy can only stay till about mid Grand week). If your in northern Ohio. Look me up. Id love to shoot with all of you. Todd
     
  16. recurvyarcher

    recurvyarcher Well-Known Member

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    Todd, send me an email if I haven't sent you my cell phone number yet. Martin and I will be at the Grand, and we can meet.
     
  17. Trapshooter

    Trapshooter Well-Known Member

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    Devi, You got mail. Todd
     
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