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OT: LARK Program Now for Liberals

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by JBrooks, Jul 16, 2007.

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  1. JBrooks

    JBrooks TS Member

    Joined:
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    Because the White House was getting so many letters from liberals decying the state of the detainees at Guantanamo, a new program has been created to solve the problem. See below:

    Department of Defense
    RE: Special Operations
    THE LARK PROGRAM

    The White House
    1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
    Washington, D.C. 20016

    Dear Ms. Pelosi,

    Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Quada detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard, loud and clear, here in Washington.

    You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist
    Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.

    Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter. Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.

    Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

    Ahmed will not wish to interact socially with you or your daughters, since he views all females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure that, over time you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka.

    Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs". Wasn't that how you put it? Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job.

    You take good care of Ahmed - and remember, we'll be watching.

    Good luck!

    Cordially,

    George W. Bush
    President
     
  2. TommyTEREX

    TommyTEREX Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    495
    JBrooks, good one, and a great idea.

    Tom R.
     
  3. JBrooks

    JBrooks TS Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2006
    Messages:
    3,707
    Tom,

    I didn't write it but it does speak to the fact that liberals always are willing to solve your problems by not doing anything themselves.
     
  4. revsublime

    revsublime TS Member

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Messages:
    1,042
    how many successful prosecutions have been had out of Git-Mo? Just out of curiosity...
     
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