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OT - How the stock market works

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by dmarbell, Oct 23, 2008.

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  1. dmarbell

    dmarbell Active Member

    Joined:
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    I apologize if this is a repeat, but I don't remember seeing it here.

    Danny

    How The Stock Market Works

    Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

    He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.

    The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

    The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each."

    The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!

    Now you have an understanding of how the stock market works.
     
  2. dmarbell

    dmarbell Active Member

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    More goodies, to keep us laughing to keep us from crying.

    Danny

    MARKET TERMS FOR 2008

    CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

    CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

    BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

    BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

    VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

    P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

    BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

    STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

    STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

    STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

    FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

    MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

    CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

    YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

    WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

    INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

    PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
     
  3. hmb

    hmb Well-Known Member

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    It goes up and it goes down, ad nobody knows why or when. HMB
     
  4. bigclown

    bigclown TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    510
    Stock market reminds me of the large herds of wildebeests on the plains of Africa.... A lion pride attacks a wildebeest and the whole herd stampedes in the opposite direction. Next, the herd finds water in a drought...another stampede. Most of the trading on the NYSE is generated by large investors and/or funds (pension/mutual). The most unlikely factors seemingly cause the fluctuations...an oil tanker runs aground - the stock market plummets; Alan Greenspan smiles - the stock market skyrockets. If the public wasn't so attuned to the noise it makes, it would be comical. Regards, Ed
     
  5. JBrooks

    JBrooks TS Member

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    Nov 6, 2006
    Messages:
    3,707
    You have to understand one thing about the stock market.: There are people on Wall Street who go to work every day knowing that they are going to make a lot of money that day whether the market goes up or down and they really don't care which way that is.
     
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