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OT Growing Old!!!

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by FarmerD, Nov 8, 2007.

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  1. FarmerD

    FarmerD TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    An elderly gentleman...
    Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to
    the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids
    that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
    The elderly gentleman went back in a
    month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family
    must be really pleased that you can hear again."
    The gentleman replied, "Oh,
    I haven't told my family yet.
    I just sit around and listen to the
    conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

    Two elderly gentlemen...
    from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to
    the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and
    pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
    Slim says, "I feel just
    like a newborn baby."
    "Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
    "Yep. No hair, no
    teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

    An elderly couple...
    had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table
    and went into the kitchen.
    The two gentlemen were talking, and one said,
    "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would
    recommend it very highly."
    The other man said, "What is the name of the
    The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is
    the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
    You know... The one
    that's red and has thorns."
    "Do you mean a rose?"
    "Yes, that's the one,"
    replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's
    the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

    Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while
    working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and
    sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he! Didn't need my
    help to leave the hospital.
    After a chat about rules being rules, he
    reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
    On the way down I asked him if
    his wife was meeting him.
    "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in
    the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

    Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the
    doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start
    writing things down to help them remember.
    Later that night, while watching
    TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the
    kitchen?" he asks.
    "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

    "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

    "No, I can remember it."
    "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too.
    Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"
    He says, "I can
    remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
    "I'd also
    like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.

    Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice
    cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"

    Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
    The old man
    returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She
    stares at the plate for a moment.
    "Where's my toast ?"

    A senior citizen...
    said to his eighty-year old buddy:
    "So I hear you're getting married?"

    "Do I know her?"
    "This woman, is she good
    "Not really."
    "Is she a good cook?"
    "Naw, she can't cook
    too well."
    "Does she have lots of money?"
    "Nope! Poor as a church
    "Well, then, is she good in bed?"
    "I don't know."
    "Why in
    the world do you want to marry her then?"
    "Because she can still drive!"

    Three old guys are out walking.
    First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
    Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
    Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

    A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid.
    It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
    "Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
    "Twelve thirty."

    Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
    A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street
    with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
    A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
    really doing great, aren't you?"
    Morris replied, "Just doing what you said,
    Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
    The doctor said, "I didn't say that.
    I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."

    One more

    A little old man...
    shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully,
    up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
    The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
    "No," he replied, "Arthritis."
  2. Annie Get Your Gun

    Annie Get Your Gun Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Thanks for a really great laugh today!! Diane
  3. Hipshot 3

    Hipshot 3 TS Member

    Sep 14, 2007
    Good stuff! Thanks.
  4. Dahaub

    Dahaub Active Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    You guys give more credit than it's cracked up to be on getting old. Surely I would have taken better care of myself if I'd ever thought about living to be this age and have the aches and pain that goes with it. I remember watching my grandmother and my grandfather getting around and just thought they were old and slow I didn't know they moved slow because of the pains they endured. Dan
  5. fearlessfain

    fearlessfain TS Member

    Feb 7, 2006
    norman mailer said real men don't use viagra.
  6. Hipshot 3

    Hipshot 3 TS Member

    Sep 14, 2007
    Some great man said this....."You're only as old as you would be if you didn't know how old you are!"............ME!
  7. Hipshot 3

    Hipshot 3 TS Member

    Sep 14, 2007
    Oh yeah......I decided I wasn't going to grow old. Not unless I can take my Perazzi with me! So there!
  8. FarmerD

    FarmerD TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998

    With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a
    65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth.

    When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to

    "May I see the new baby?" I asked.

    "Not yet," She said "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while

    Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, "May I see the new baby now?"

    "No, not yet," She said.

    After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, "May I see the
    baby now?"

    "No, not yet," replied my friend.

    Growing very impatient, I asked, "Well, when can I see the baby?"

    "WHEN HE CRIES!" she told me.

    "WHEN HE CRIES?" I demanded. "Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?"

  9. Old 870

    Old 870 TS Member

    Jan 4, 2006
    I want to live my next life backwards:

    You start out dead and get that out of the way.
    Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.
    Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
    Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
    Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
    You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
    You get ready for High School : drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous.
    Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.
    Then you become a baby, and then...You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in Spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then...
    You finish off as an orgasm .
    I rest my case.

    Like I say "just shoot" and enjoy.
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