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OT Golf Humor

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by BRGII, Feb 25, 2009.

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  1. BRGII

    BRGII TS Member

    Feb 26, 2008
    A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, "You are spectacular. Your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"

    Michelson replied, "The holes are numbered"


    Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man.

    The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"

    "Yes" says the woman.

    "Did you hit him with that golf club?"

    "Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her, hands on her face.

    "How many times did you hit him?"

    "I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times. Just put me down for a five."


    A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.

    As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Ah yes, you're the golfer. Are you any good?"

    The golfer replied, "Got here in two, didn't I?"


    Ed and Dorothy met while on vacation and Ed fell head over heels in Love with her. But after a couple of weeks wherein Ed took Dorothy out to various dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, etc., he was convinced that it was true love.

    And so, on the last night of his vacation, the two of them went to dinner and had a serious talk about how the relationship would continue.

    'It's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut,' Ed said to his newfound lady friend. 'I eat, sleep and breathe golf, so if that's going to be a problem, you'd better say so now!'

    Dorothy took a deep breath and responded: 'Since we're being honest with each other, here goes ...you need to know that I'm a hooker.'

    'I see,' Ed replied. He looked down at the table, and was quiet for a moment, deep in thought ... then he added: 'You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you tee off.'
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