1. Attention: We have put together a thread with tips and a tutorial video to help with using the new software. Please take a moment to check out the thread here: Trapshooters.com Tutorial & Help Video.
    Dismiss Notice

Off topic humor we can all relate to

Discussion in 'Shooting Related Threads' started by maltzahn, Feb 16, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. maltzahn

    maltzahn Active Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Creston, IA
    Subject: Archery

    Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little compound bow beginner
    kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows
    in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40
    horse Farmall tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down?
    Tough sucker.

    That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazard fan that I was, I
    quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas
    tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place.

    One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten
    oak stump in our backyard. I looked over under the carport and see a
    shiny brand new can of starting fluid (Ether). The light bulb went off in
    my head.

    I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought that it would
    probably just spray out in a disappointing manner. Lets face it, to a 10
    yr old mouth-breather like myself, (Ether), really doesn't "sound"

    So, I went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of pyrodex (black
    powder for muzzle loader rifles).

    At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can
    of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the
    (Ether) can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie, a 1 lb. pyrodex
    and 16 oz (Ether) should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you

    You know what? To heck with that I'm going back in the house for the
    other can.

    Yes, I got a second can of pyrodex and dumped it too. Now we're cookin'.

    I stepped back about 15 ft and lit the 2 stroke arrow. I drew the nock to
    my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow
    launched from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad
    getting out of the truck... OH NO! He just got home from work. So help
    me God it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My
    dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a "Oh MY" look in his
    eyes. I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow
    pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main
    pile of pyrodex and into the can. Oh S***.

    When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet. I don't know if it was
    the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back
    from 235 fricking decibels of sound. I caught a half a millisecond
    glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you
    there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1 ft above the ground as far
    as I could see. It was like a little low to the ground layer of dust fog
    full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a worm or two.

    The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this... THE FRICKING DAYLIGHT

    There was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going into the pasture.
    Notice I said "was". That son-of-a-gun got up and ran off.

    So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my
    thundercats T-Shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport
    having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback: ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE

    His hat has blown off and is 30 ft behind him in the driveway. All
    windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow
    rolling mushroom cloud about 2000 ft. over our backyard. There is a Honda
    185 3 wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are
    drooped down and are now touching the tires.

    I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don't know - I know
    I said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my own head. I
    don't think he heard me either... not that it would really matter. I
    don't remember much from this point on. I said something, felt a sharp
    pain, and then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke
    later....repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea. I
    remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR. and Dad screaming "Bring
    him back to life so I can kill him again". Thanks Mom.

    One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again, Mom
    had been complaining about that thing for years and dad never did anything
    about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business.

    Dad sold his muzzle loader a week or so later. I still have some sort of
    bone growth abnormality, either from the blast or the beating, or both.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery. It's good
    discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life.

    Author Unknown
  2. shadow

    shadow Active Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    LMFAO!!!!!!!! Tears streaming down my face !!!!!

    I can relate to this. It is a wonder we survived childhood.
  3. william miller

    william miller TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    You have to be related to Foghorn 220. He is the only person I know that has done anything close to this. Thanks for one of the best stories I have read in a long time.
    William Miller
  4. grntitan

    grntitan Well-Known Member

    Mar 25, 2009
    IL(The gun friendly Southern Part)
    I can so relate to this story as i am sure many of you can too. How does the saying go? When the cats away the mice will play? Boys will be boys.

    Did you guys know that a half full coffee can of Herco powder and a cannon wick will make a hell of a Pyrotechnics display?? Did you know that a live primer shot from a slingshot against the brick garage wall will make one heck of a pop to a 12 year old?? Did you also know that your dad can turn your ass the color of a Winchester AA hull when he discovers his Herco and primers are both mysteriously gone but no shells were loaded in the process?? Trust me, they both can and will happen....LOL....True Story.

  5. Bob Schultz

    Bob Schultz Well-Known Member Supporting Vendor

    Jan 29, 1998
    Tuxedo NC
    My friends and I always seemed to be searching for the holy-grail of home made explosives... We were generally not destructive...we just liked the sound of stuff exploding! We naturally loved the contraband M-80's and real Cherry Bombs, that back then (1960's) would remove body parts if you were dumb or unlucky enough to have one go off in your hand. I digress. My friends Denny and Gerry (last names withheld to protect their current reputations...) Decided that some Red Dot powder stuffed into a 1 3/4" iron pipe about 5" long with end caps screwed in and a hole in the center for a chunk of cannon fuse would make a dandy noise.

    It did. Denny having enough sense to realize they just made a hand grenade, put this lovely device in his newspaper box! He delivered the morning papers in Buffalo NY and the truck would come by his house in the middle of the night and drop the papers in a big blue wooden box at the end of his driveway.

    I was just turning the corner onto his street when I saw Denny and Gerry running from the box! I was about 400 yards away when the green box vaporized and little bits of green wood showered the whole neighborhood! A fairly serious mushroom cloud and the lid of the box were seemingly suspended about 75 feet up in the air over the former location of the paper box.

    After a series of beatings by his father, Denny gave up making home made explosives and became a (fairly) respectable member of the community. Gerry also suffered the wrath of his father who claimed "no son of his would be that stupid...". He now owns a very successful auto repair business.

    I, who had no part of the bomb making effort, only witnessed its pyrotechnic splendor, still like to see stuff explode. Mostly clay targets now, however July 4th always gets the kid out in me!

    Bob Schultz
  6. William681

    William681 Member

    Feb 28, 2006
    Southport NC
    What a fun read.

    What we did as youths would now have our parents in jail, and us in therapy for the forseeable future.

    We rolled our own firework tubes, made our fuses.

    Dad would be there watching TV as we sat on the LR floor mixing pyrotechnics.

    Flashpowder, what they once used for photography, was readily available, mixed with 4fg powder, was most fun.

    My brother and I built submarine models, put them in the pool, and destroyed them with homemade "depth charges".

    Great fun, till we cracked the concrete and all the water seeped out. (note a previous post reference to backsides and the color of double A's)

    Turner Kirkland in his Dixie Gun Works catalog had a method of making aerial salutes to be fired from a 12ga.

    One rainy New Years night I leaned out the back door and fired one off from a classic LeFever, went about 15 feet and exploded beyond all imagining.

    Blew the gutter off the roof. (see reference to butts the color of Double A's above)

    Then of course there were the flashlight mortars made out of pipe and cherry bombs.

    That we still have our eyes and hands intact is an act of God.

    Bill Boston
  7. The Stive

    The Stive Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Very funny stuff. Boys and things that explode. Didn't we like to explore
    that? Cherry bombs and silver salutes. What a way to pass summer days. John
  8. det131

    det131 Member

    Mar 25, 2009

    Seems to me there were a couple of other adventures you failed to mention.

    May post those, right after I check the statute of limitations, particularly since a school bus might have been involved.

    Bro. Jim
  9. GrubbyJack

    GrubbyJack Member

    Jul 19, 2006
    Excellent maltzahn, thanks for sharing..........Grubby
  10. Ljutic111

    Ljutic111 TS Member

    Jan 20, 2008
    A paper match doesn`t seem to be too powerful but when you take a 1 ft long Aluminum pipe from a TV entenna and fold the ends over in a vise 2 times filled with the match heads and throw it in a fire , they seem to have a loud impact . It will open the end as straight as it was before , head up in the air like a rocket till it`s out of sight , luckily not at us .. Only did that once !!!!
  11. pj 999

    pj 999 TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    This happened about thirty years ago at July 4th party/wildfeed. Couple buddys came across a small cannon and loaded it with a wet paper ball made up of confetti like pieces. Thinking when our buddy got to party and drove in lane they would shoot the confetti all over truck. Well the plan worked pretty good except the ball stayed together and went straight thru the door of the truck making about a 3 inch hole. Busted the window and blowed the door panel off and really pissed our buddy off. By end of day every thing was funny. Yes alcohol was involved.
  12. neofight

    neofight TS Member

    Apr 1, 2010
    This is the best post of the month and certainly something that any boy, including me can relate to. I grew up in the '50's and my dad always had a fine supply of powder, and shotshells . I was one of those kids who thrived on boom type sounds and lone who was always curious about what things looked like inside.

    My friend Billy and i got into my dad's powder and thought it would be cool to make some sort of explosive device. His dad was a well driller and had all sorts of cool stuff like dynamite fuses, basic chemicals for making explosives , but we nothing about the chemistry, so we borrowed some fuse, grabbed some pipe with threaded ends, along with some threaded caps and with my dads powder, we set off to make some boom-boom.

    That we did. We made a good size device set it off in the back yard of his dad's well drilling business.The device went off some time after we lit the fuse and ran to the front of the building. The concussion broke all the windows in the place, the back of the place was peppered with shrapnel and the machinery that we placed the device next to was obliterated. he ground shook, we shook and knew that we were in deep ca-ca when his dad came to work the next day.

    I drew a lengthy restriction for that stupid escapade and never went back to doing that kind of stuff. There were other events prior to this and i am lucky to be alive today.
  13. ramen39

    ramen39 Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    I have heard the saying. "The lord protects fools and children" I have thought of that saying A lot when I think of my childhood and I believe it. I think I qualified for both. Ramen39
  14. mixer

    mixer Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Coral Springs, Florida
    I grew up in NYC and there weren't many opportunitys to get the "Big Bang" stuff that others have mentioned. My favorite were called "Torpedos" silver balls about 1" in diameter that exploded on contact. You would be surprised how far they will fly out of a slingshot from the top of a 6 story building.

    We caused a lot of panic in the streets back then and thought the sight of people running from the explosions was the funniest thing we ever saw. Fortunately no one ever figured out where they came from.


    BILL GRILL Well-Known Member

    Sep 18, 2006
    Last 4th of July on of my friends sons, junior high age, had 3 boxes of sparklers and told his Dad he was going to make a bomb. Well Dad didn't think to much of it as how bad could 3 boxes of sparklers be. Well let me tell ya 3 boxes of sparklers and some duct tape will blow a 3' hole in the dock at the lake and make everyone at the party spill their beer. Bill
  16. Dahaub

    Dahaub Active Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Those are funny stories. Mine is funny also but does not include any gun powder. In the fall of 1964 when all the outside plants were dying my mother insisted that I cut down the castor bean plants that had died, they were around the patio to give privacy, and she wanted them burned. I got the camping hatchet and cut them down and piled them up and got my basketball out and my bike and was leaving to go shoot baskets. She sees me and told me to burn the pile of caster plants. I explained that the insides of the stems and leaves were still moist and they wouldn't burn we would have to wait a few days and burn the pile next weekend. She insisted that I burn it now and I couldn't go shoot baskets or leave the yard until I was done with my task. I went in the house and got some newspapers and wadded them up and put them in the pile and set fire to them. They started and none of the plants burned and again I was told to burn that pile. I went back in the garage and the only fire starter we had was some gas in the camping lantern can. Yep, you guessed it. White gas. There was about a quart in the can and I went to that pile of castor plants and carefully poured the gas all over the pile and made myself a ten foot trail. I discovered I had no more matches so I ran to the house to get some and all that did was give the gas time to spread it's fumes thruout the pile of trash. I can remember when I touched the match to the trail of gas I was almost completely stood up when the flames got to the pile of stems and leaves. The next thing I remember was that I was thrown backwards almost two body lengths, about ten feet when my butt hit the grass. As I was hitting the grass with my butt and was in a lying down position I watched the fireball going up in the air. Probably fifteen feet in diameter and it went up twenty feet maybe a little more. I was facing or lying looking west and the next three homes backdoors were in view as I looked up the hill. All three mothers came outside to see what was going on. My dad arrived a minute or so later and wondered why almost all the people on the block was outside their homes looking toward our house. My dad looked at me and saw that I no longer had any eyebrows and the top of my hair was smoking. He saw the gas can and the stems and smoking leaves spread around the back yard and his next statement to me was " I thought you were smarter than that." Trust me I have never used gas of any kind to start another fire on green leaves. I got to go shoot baskets then but I first had to repile all the stems and leaves from that now well spread out pile. Dan
  17. superump

    superump TS Member

    Feb 24, 2009
    OMG thats a funny and very entertaining story. I can relate to that type of lifestyle - ha
  18. Haskins Bill

    Haskins Bill TS Member

    Nov 4, 2007
    Are you sure your first name is not Lester ala Senior Smoke Great story and yes it does bring back memories
  19. Ted K.

    Ted K. Member

    Feb 8, 2009
    Tiburon, CA
    Date: July 5, 1949

    Scene: Field where fireworks had been shot off the previous day

    props: unexploded rocket head filled with gunpowder, match book

    Dramatis personae: Ted K., age 8


    Young Theodore ("YT") hears that nearby field is littered with unexploded fireworks. YT, looking for fun and bearing match book with 5 matches left approaches field, finds rocket head with gunpowder residing therein.


    YT put match 1 (head up, bottom buried in gunpowder) in rocket head, lights match 1 with match 2, runs for his life. Nothing happens. YT inserts match 3 in rocket head, lights it with match 4, runs, etc. Nothing happens.

    YT now exasperated, has only one match left. Resolved to let nothing go awry this time, YT props rocket head in convenient place, strikes match 5 and inserts burning match into rocket head, while peering intently into rocket head to ensure match head makes contact with gunpowder. Success! Rocket head and gunpowder vaporized, but YT does not get to see it, because . . .

    YT cleverly (or instinctively) closes eyes at moment of ignition, thereby preserving his vision, but not his eyelashes or eyebrows.

    YT get loooong bumpy ride to hospital laying in back seat of car with eyes closed. Mother greets YT at hospital, hysterical. YT recovers vision within a few days. Mother never recovers.


    YT (cleverly) resolves to stop screwing around with gunpowder. YT shoots trap occasional, but uses only new shells. Refuses to get with 20 feet of a reloading machine. Celebrates 5th of July by ridding household of match books.

    Here endeth the lesson.

    Ted K.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.