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O/TRetirement where to Humor

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by Barrelbulge(Fl), Jul 10, 2008.

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  1. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) TS Supporters TS Supporters

    Aug 27, 2007
    West Central Florida
    Where to live after Retirement

    You can live in Phoenix , Arizona where.....

    1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.

    2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

    3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.

    4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food

    5. You know that 'dry heat' is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

    6 The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

    You can Live in California where..

    1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.

    2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

    3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

    4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

    5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many mile s away it is.

    6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought

    You can Live in New York City where...

    1. You say 'the city' and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .

    2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

    3. You think Central Park is 'nature,'

    4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

    5. You've worn out a car horn.

    6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

    You can Live in Minnesota where...

    1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco

    2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.

    3. You have more than one recipe for moose.

    4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

    5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

    You can Live in the Deep South where...

    1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

    2. 'y'all' is singular and 'all y'all' is plural.

    3. 'He needed killin'' is a valid defense.

    4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob , Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.

    You can live in Colorado where..

    1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

    2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.

    3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

    4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

    You can live in the Midwest where...

    1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name

    2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

    3. You have had to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' on the same day.

    4. You end sentences with a preposition: 'Where's my coat at?'

    5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, 'It was different!'

    or You can live in Florida where..

    1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

    2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.

    3. Everyone can recom mend an excellent dermatologist.

    4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

    5 Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people

    Any better place than Florida?
  2. Dickgshot

    Dickgshot Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    I really love the stuff you post on this forum. It's a welcome relief from guys ready to kill each other over a difference in opinion about release triggers.
  3. Pull & Mark

    Pull & Mark Well-Known Member

    Mar 9, 2006
    Y all(singular), got that right Jerry. After they dry all over the front of the car, the paint job is eatten away with the acid in there little bodies, and they take forever to clean off the glass as well. Break-em all. Jeff
  4. crusha

    crusha TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    If I'm ever lucky enough to "retire," (as opposed to die working), I'll do it in Indiana (aka "The Krispy Kreme State"), where lunch is dinner, pork tenderloins are required by state law to be bigger than the bun, and people think "this Daylight Savings Time sure is a bad ideal."

    P.S. - The kids aren't all above average...but 3 out of 5 of them who were polled thought Riverboat Gambling is in the State Constitution.

    aka buzzy (for the first time in my life, proud to be a citizen of this bitterly clinging state, and I approve this message)
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