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O/T Thinning out the gene pool

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by bigdogtx, Oct 22, 2007.

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  1. bigdogtx

    bigdogtx Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2006
    Messages:
    10,650
    "THINNING THE HERD" 2007

    Eighth Place:
    In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after
    squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate while trying to retrieve
    his car keys.

    Seventh Place:
    A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker -- who often bragged he was "totally-zoned
    when he ran" -- accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily workout.

    Sixth Place:
    While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8-foot hole for protection from the
    wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying
    him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying
    to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment
    almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a local hospital.

    Fifth Place:
    Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop
    he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his
    mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

    Fourth Place:
    Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he
    would not put a revolver loaded with four cartridges into his mouth and pull the
    trigger.

    Third Place:
    After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man
    walked into H & J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full
    of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the
    officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from
    a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers
    also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by paramedics.
    Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent
    autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from seven different
    weapons. No one else was hurt.

    HONORABLE MENTION:
    Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M.
    so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to create some excitement.
    Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.

    RUNNER UP:
    Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they
    knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic.
    The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of
    the bridge at 4:30 AM . Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered
    that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered
    and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around
    Bingham's leg and tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the
    cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his
    fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was
    never located.

    AND THE 2007 WINNER IS...
    Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn, Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22
    doses of a nimal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes, before
    the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
    Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant
    an olive oil enema when the beast suddenly unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's
    unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head
    on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
    It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that once again proves..."$hit happens!"

    I thought 3rd place was best.
     
  2. pendennis

    pendennis Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2007
    Messages:
    1,567
    Location:
    Southeast Michigan - O/S Detroit
    Here are the Darwin Awards For 2007:

    DARWIN AWARDS 2007


    And once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwins are awarded every year to the persons who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool.


    This year's nominees are :


    Nominee No. 1 [ San Jose Mercury News]:

    An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.


    Nominee No. 2 [ Kalamazoo Gazette]:

    James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."


    Nominee No. 3 [ Hickory Daily Record]:

    Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC . Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear. (For whatever reason, residents of Southern states always seem to figure prominently among the Darwin nominees.)


    Nominee No. 4 [UPI, Toronto ]:

    Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the buildings windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.


    Nominee No. 5 [The News of the Weird]:

    Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had
    spent several years awaiting South Carolinas electric chair on a murder
    conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.


    Nominee No. 6 [The Indianapolis Star]:

    A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk ,
    IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriffs investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.


    Nominee No. 7 [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario ]:

    A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium
    apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred, said Inspector Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said.


    Finally, THE WINNER! [ Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:

    Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock , were returning to Des Arc after a frog catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Pooles pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the 22
    caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to
    the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again
    began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge . After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his testicles off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis " I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia

    (Poole 's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck?

    (Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)



    Best,
    Dennis
     
  3. School Teacher

    School Teacher Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    2,053
    Location:
    Louisville, KY
    Dennis:

    Those accounts are funny but I remember seeing them back as far as 2002.

    There was also another award for an overweight man who consumed a lot of a cabbage and white bean soup. He fell asleep on his back in a small room and passed so much gas that it displaced the air in the room and he asphyxiated.

    I think that the three experienced mountain climbers who got caught in bad weather on Mt. Hood a year or so back and perished should be considered for admission. They were seasoned experts who did not take a GPS signaling device so that rescuers could find them if they went into a snow cave to weather the storm.

    My favorite is the two men in the pickup truck.
     
  4. bigdogtx

    bigdogtx Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2006
    Messages:
    10,650
    Maybe these SHOULD have been thinned out;

    IDIOT SIGHTING: Hubby and I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a large enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two."
    We haven't used Sears repair since.

    IDIOT SIGHTING: I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

    From Kingman, KS

    IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

    From Kansas City!

    IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? "To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge,how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

    Happened in Birmingham, Ala.

    IDIOT SIGHTING: The stop light on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street. I was crossing witha co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blindpeople when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

    She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

    IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for a dear coworker: She was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

    This was at Texas Instruments.

    IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself, and for the sake ofher own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

    A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office.

    IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were toldthe keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "Its open!" His reply, "I know - I already got that side."

    This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi!
     
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