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O/T Things to ponder over. Humor

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by Barrelbulge(Fl), Jun 27, 2008.

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  1. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) TS Supporters TS Supporters

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2007
    Messages:
    11,679
    Location:
    West Central Florida
    Ponderisms:
    I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die
    of natural causes.
    Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a
    weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the
    ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

    The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
    replacement.

    *** Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.***

    Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
    about seeing UFOs like they used to?

    In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
    weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

    How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
    box to start a campfire?

    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
    these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'

    Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat
    the next thing that comes outta its butt.'

    If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

    Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going
    to look up there anyway?

    Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
     
  2. trpshtr2001

    trpshtr2001 TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    550
    Did you ever wonder what the other 98% is in 2% milk?
     
  3. bocephus

    bocephus Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    527
    Don't have to wonder, it is 98% milk. Do you know what the 2% is?
     
  4. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) TS Supporters TS Supporters

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2007
    Messages:
    11,679
    Location:
    West Central Florida
    2% milk fat.
     
  5. trpshtr2001

    trpshtr2001 TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    550
    Our milk carton says 2% milk
     
  6. SR1

    SR1 TS Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2007
    Messages:
    390
    If a fat person falls in the forest do the trees laugh?????????????
     
  7. BRGII

    BRGII TS Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2008
    Messages:
    740
    An Irishman is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar announcing his wife had produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

    Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Irish guy just shrugs, "That's about average back home, folks......like I said, my boy's a typical Irish lad."

    Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW".... One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

    Two weeks later he returns to the bar.

    The bartender says, "Say you're the father of that typical Irish baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So how much does he weigh now?"

    The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

    The bartender is puzzled, concerned, and a little suspicious. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!"

    The Irish father takes a long swig of Irish whisky, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says.....


    "We had him circumcised."
     
  8. Frank C

    Frank C Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    2,866
    St. Peter is at the Pearly Gates checking up on the people waiting to enter Heaven. He asks the next one in line, "So, who are you, and what did you do on Earth?"

    The fellow says, "I'm Barack Obama, and I was the first black to be elected President of the United States."

    St. Peter says, "The U.S.? A black President? You gotta be kidding me! When did this happen?"

    Obama says, "About twenty minutes ago."
     
  9. branwheat007

    branwheat007 TS Member

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2008
    Messages:
    81
    OOOOUCH!!!
     
  10. Shooting Jack

    Shooting Jack Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2006
    Messages:
    3,522
    Location:
    Blackshear, Georgia
    I don't believe he be at the pearly gates to start with! Jackie B.
     
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