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O/T the value of a Catholic education and a #2 pen

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by Barrelbulge(Fl), Jul 30, 2008.

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  1. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) Banned User Banned TS Supporters

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    The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil (this is too cute)!
    You don't even have to be Catholic to appreciate this one.
    Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School .
    Usually she slept through the class.

    One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.
    "Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"
    When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting
    Behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
    "God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.
    The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.
    A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and
    Savior?"
    But Mary didn't stir from her slumber Once again, Johnny came to her
    Rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.
    "Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said,
    "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
    The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after she
    Had her twenty-third child?"
    Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
    This time, Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted,
    "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"


    The nun fainted.
     
  2. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

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    mengew, I find it hard to believe you ever find the time to shoot. cute joke
     
  3. mette56

    mette56 Well-Known Member

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    Camdenton, MO
    A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road damage directly across the street from a house of prostitution.

    There was a Protestant minister lurking around the house, then ducked into the house. "Would ya look at that, Darby" said Pat. "What a shameful disgrace those Protestant reverends sinning in a house the likes of that place!" They both shook their heads and continued working.

    A short time later, they watched as a rabbi looked around continually and then darted into the house when he was satisfied that no one was watching. "Did ya see that Darby?" Pat asked in shock and disbelief, "is nothing holy to those Jewish rabbis? I just can't understand what this world is coming to these days. A man of the cloth indulging himself in sins of the flesh. Tis a shame I tell ya!"

    Not much later, a third man, a Catholic priest, was seen looking around to see if anyone was watching, then quietly sneaked into the house. "Oh No, Darby look!", said Pat, removing his cap and crossing himself, "One of those poor girls musta died......."
     
  4. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

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    Mette56, thanks for the laugh. you trying to compete with mengew?
     
  5. H82MIS

    H82MIS TS Member

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    A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the
    Afghanistan Desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a
    Camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Sergeant why the camel is
    kept there. The nervous sergeant said, 'Well sir, as you know, there are
    250 men here on the post and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have
    'urges'. That's why we have Molly The Camel.' The Captain says, 'I can't say
    that I condone this, but I understand about 'urges', so the camel can stay
    '. About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'. Crazy
    with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a
    ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants
    down and has wild, insane sex with the camel. When he's done, he asks the
    Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?' 'No not really, sir...They usually
    just ride the camel into town where the girls are,,,,
     
  6. H82MIS

    H82MIS TS Member

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    1. "Italian Boys Confession"


    Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.

    The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

    'Yes, Father, it is.'

    'And who was the girl you were with?'

    'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

    'Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so

    you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'

    'I cannot say.'

    'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

    'I'll never tell.'

    'Was it Nina Capelli?'

    'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

    'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

    'My lips are sealed.'

    'Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?'

    'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

    The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, Joey Pagano,
    and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be
    an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

    Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and
    whispers, 'What'd you get?'

    '4 months vacation and five good leads.'
     
  7. H82MIS

    H82MIS TS Member

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    Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago.
    Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world.

    Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.
    Her daughter immediately replied, 'Mom! I have someone for you to meet.'


    Well, it was an immediate hit.
    They took to one another and after dating for six weeks,
    he asked her to join him for a weekend in Vermont .

    Their first night there, she undressed as he did.
    There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties;
    he was in his birthday suit.

    Looking her over, he asked, 'Why the black panties?'
    She replied: 'My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore,
    but down there I am still in mourning.'

    He knew he was not getting lucky that night.
    The following night was the same--she stood there wearing the black panties,and he was in his birthday suit--but now he was wearing a black condom.

    She looked at him and asked: 'What's with the black condom?'

    He replied, 'I'd like to offer my deepest condolences.'
     
  8. H82MIS

    H82MIS TS Member

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    A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair, and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed.

    Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and the cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man. The husband put a gun to the naked man's head.

    The wife shouted, 'Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I gave you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for your season Redskin tickets. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays for the monthly dues!'

    Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cabby and said, 'What would you do?'

    The cabby said, 'I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches a cold'.
     
  9. H82MIS

    H82MIS TS Member

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    Stud Rooster

    A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,
    'OK old fart, time for you to retire.'

    The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens.
    Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'

    The young rooster says, 'Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over.'

    The old rooster says, 'I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.'

    The young rooster laughs. 'You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.'

    The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.

    He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. The Old Roster is squalking and running as hard as he can.

    The Farmer grabs his shotgun and
    - BOOM -
    he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,
    'Dammit.....
    third gay rooster I bought this month.'

    Moral of this story? .

    Don't mess with the THE OLDER GENERATION
    age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery always overcome youth and arrogance!

    O.K. I'm done for a while,,,back to work,,,
     
  10. mette56

    mette56 Well-Known Member

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    I thought this was a Catholic thread. Let's stay on track now!!!


    The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase "Tutti Homini", Blessed Be Mankind. A womens rights group approached the Pope the next day. They noted that the Pope blessed Mankind but not Womenkind. The next day, after the sermon, the Pope concluded by saying " "Tutti Homini, et Tutti Femini". Blessed be Mankind and Womenkind. The next day a gay rights group approached the Pope. They said that they noticed he had blessed Mankind and Womenkind, and asked if he could also bless gay people. The Pope said, "Sure".

    The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with "Tutti Homini, et Tutti Femini, et Tutti Fruiti".
     
  11. H82MIS

    H82MIS TS Member

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    mette,,all of my characters above are Catholic,,except the rooster of course,,,
     
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