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o/t stupid parrot joke

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by TommyTEREX, Sep 22, 2007.

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  1. TommyTEREX

    TommyTEREX Member

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    LOL,?,Where`s the thread?
     
  2. 3dram8

    3dram8 Member

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    Someone left the door open and it "flew the coop" along with the parrot!
     
  3. Hauxfan

    Hauxfan Well-Known Member

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    A Pirate named Shootlow, and a parrot got shipwrecked and they had to swim to an island to survive.

    The parrot started screaming all the time, repeating over and over again, "How's your ass? How's your ass"?

    Well after a couple of days of this, Shootlow the Pirate is getting a little tired of it, so he yells at the parrot, "Shut up"......

    The parrot replies, "So is mine Shootlow, it must be the salt water"! lol

    Hauxfan!
     
  4. lightfoot

    lightfoot TS Member

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    David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown and came with a bad attitude and a worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive.

    Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly using polite language, playing soft music; he did anything he could think of to set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. He shook the bird and it only became angry and more rude.

    Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking and kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was quiet.

    David, frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, quickly opened the freezer door. To his astonishment, the parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and behavior and I beg your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior."

    David was completely bemused by the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had caused it when the parrot continued: "May I ask what the chicken did?"
     
  5. Bvr Tail

    Bvr Tail Well-Known Member

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    A guy buys a parrot that is guaranteed to talk up a storm. Well, it does talk, but it stammers, and stutters, and slurs its' words something terrible.

    He returns it to the store, tells the clerk about the problem. The clerk explains that happens all the time, you just have to take a file, and gently file off some of the right side of its' beak!

    With that, the man leaves.

    Tha clerk gets thinking about the parrot a few days later, and calls the man to ask how the parrot did. The man exclaims " He died!"

    The clerk said he had never had this proceedure harm a bird in the past.

    The man said " I don't think the file hurt him, but when I took his head from the vise, he sure was dead!!"



    Guy with a speach impairment goes into a pet store and asks the young clerk " New you snell bird theed?" The clerk says : Sir, I can't understand a word you're saying. Please come back next week when the manager is here!"

    He comes back next week, sees the manager, and asks " New you snell bird theed?" The manager tells him he can't understand him either, but if he came back next week, the owner would be there then. The guy left.

    The next week the guy returns and demands to see the owner. As the other two employees were listening the guy says " New you snuff birds?"

    The owner says "You want to know if we stuff birds? Well, sure we do!!!"

    The guy says " Well, snuff nis one up your a##, he died yethterday!!"

    Danny
     
  6. timb99

    timb99 Well-Known Member

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    Location:
    Beijing, China
    The title of this thread is "stupid parrot joke"

    Is that to imply there are parrot jokes that are not stupid? I've not heard any.
     
  7. flinter58

    flinter58 TS Member

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    I heard this one the other day: A lady had a pet parrot and it mysteriously appeared to have died. Distraught over potentially loosing her precious parrot she rushes it a veterinarian to verify that the parrot is dead. – (Lady) I would like for you to examine my parrot. (Vet) What's wrong with it? (Lady) It appears to be dead and I would like to verify if it's dead or not. (Vet) Ok – so the vet picks up the parrot whose head just flops around – he listens to the bird’s chest with his stereoscope and says – Yep - looks like he's dead. (Lady – hysterical) I don’t believe you – he can’t be dead -- I want a second opinion---(Vet) Well OK – so the vet goes out back and gets his beloved Labrador Retriever and brings him in to look at the parrot. The dog goes over to the parrot – smells him, turns up his nose - walks around it and calmly walks over and lays down – Well lady says the vet, looks like that verifies it – the parrot is dead. (Lady) Oh No – I want a third opinion – I demand a third opinion – my parrot can’t be dead. (Vet) OK lady – so the vet goes out back and brings in his cat. The cat looks at the parrot – smells of it – flicks the parrot's head with it’s paw – walks around to the other side – smells of it – flicks the parrot's head back with it’s paw – yawns and lays down in the corner. (Vet) Well Lady that verifies it – the parrot is dead. (Lady) Well OK – I guess there is no hope – my parrot must be dead. Thank you and what do I owe you? (Vet) That will be $220. (Lady – again hysterical) $220! - what the heck do I owe you $220 dollars for? You didn’t do anything – my parrot is dead…….(Vet) Well madam, you only owe me $20 but – I had to do quite a bit of lab work and a CAT scan – and that is expensive……
     
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