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O/T Some Famous Statements. Humor

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Shooting Jack, May 13, 2011.

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  1. Shooting Jack

    Shooting Jack Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2006
    Messages:
    3,523
    Location:
    Blackshear, Georgia
    Priceless Observations Department:


    Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'

    - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)




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    I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'




    - Eleanor Roosevelt

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    Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..

    - Mark Twain

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    The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible

    - George Burns

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    Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

    - Victor Borge

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    Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

    - Mark Twain

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    By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

    - Socrates

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    I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

    - Groucho Marx

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    My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

    - Jimmy Durante

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    I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

    - Zsa Zsa Gabor

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    Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

    - Alex Levine

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    My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

    - Rodney Dangerfield




    Money can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

    - Spike Milligan

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    Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .

    - Joe Namath

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    I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

    - Bob Hope

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    I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..

    - W. C. Fields




    We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

    - Will Rogers

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    Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

    - Winston Churchill

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    Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..

    - Phyllis Diller

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    By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

    - Billy Crystal






    And the cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out.
     
  2. grntitan

    grntitan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2009
    Messages:
    17,202
    Location:
    IL(The gun friendly Southern Part)
    Very nice.......LMAO
     
  3. oldgahchamp

    oldgahchamp Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    1,263
    " My two choices in life were to either be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference". Pres. Harry Truman
     
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