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O/T Now this is too funny!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by Shooting Jack, Jan 6, 2008.

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  1. Shooting Jack

    Shooting Jack Active Member

    Jul 29, 2006
    Blackshear, Georgia
    Subject: If you've had children, or taken care of them, this is just hilarious!!!)

    A 3~year~old tells all from his mother's restroom stall By Shannon Popkin

    My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does
    it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the
    library, the grocery store or at a drive~thru window. People often
    comment on how clearly he speaks for a just~turned 3~year~old, and you
    never have to ask him to turn up the volume; it's always fully cranked.
    There have been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of
    his words would have been masked by a not~so~audible voice, but never have
    I wished this more than last week at Costco. Halfway through our shopping
    trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you'd
    been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you
    would have heard coming from the second to last stall: "Mommy, are you
    gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy?
    Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing?
    Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?"
    At this point, I started mentally counting how many women had been in the
    restroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full. 4? 5? Maybe we could
    wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall
    and reveal my identity. Cade continued, "Mommy, you ARE going stinkies,
    aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for
    going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh, Mommy!
    I'm trying to see in dere. Oh, I see dem! Dat is a very good girl, Mommy.
    You ARE gonna get some candy!" I heard a few faint chuckles coming from
    the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming new born when you
    need one? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was
    definitely waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I
    said, "Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some
    candy. We'll both have some. "No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies.
    Oh! Mommy!" He started to gag at this point. "Uh oh, Mommy. I fink I'm
    gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so
    gross!! As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall.

    I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to
    reason with myself: Okay, there are four other toilets. If I count four
    flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this
    embarrassing monologue will be long gone. "Mommy! Would you get off the
    potty, now? I want you to be done doing stinkies! Get up! Get up!" He
    grunted as he tried to pull me. Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I
    bent down to count the feet outside my door. "Oh, are you wooking under
    dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at, Mommy?
    You wooking at da wady's feet?" More laughter. I stood inside the locked
    door and tried to assess the situation. "Mommy, it's time to wash our
    hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy." He started pounding on the

    "Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!" I saw that
    my "wait 'em out" plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the door, and
    found, standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around
    the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud. My first thought was
    complete embarrassment, then I thought, "Where's the fine print on the
    'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity and
    privacy?" But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed
    bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, "I'd sign it all
    away again, just to be known as 'Mommy' to this little fellow."

    Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She lives with
    her family in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where she no longer uses public
    rest-rooms with her 3~year~old in tow.
  2. Big Dave

    Big Dave Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    I often visit my niece and her family. Allowing as her husband works days, she is the one that usually takes 4 year old Matthew shopping and to Mc Donalds for lunch, and subsequently takes him to the ladies room to do his business. On a recent visit I took them to lunch at a fairly nice restaurant. During the course of the meal Matthew said he had to go pee. Being a good uncle I volunteered to take him to the men's room, unknown to me he had never been in one. I took him in a stall to do his business and I used a urinal. He finished before me and came out to wash his hands and gave me a very puzzled look, we both washed our hands and proceeded back to our table, about half way back he yells, "HEY MOM, QUESS WHAT? UNCLE DAVE PEED IN THE SINK!" I'll never be able to return to that restaurant.
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