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O/T Need a good laugh?

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by Shooting Jack, Jun 5, 2008.

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  1. Shooting Jack

    Shooting Jack Active Member

    Jul 29, 2006
    Blackshear, Georgia
    A young blonde woman in Nashville, was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Cumberland River. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the dock, crying. He took pity on her and said, 'Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day.' Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulders ! and added, 'I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy.'

    The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.

    That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

    Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.

    'What are you doing here?' the captain asked.

    'I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,' she explained. 'I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me.'

    'He certainly is,' the captain said. 'This is the General Jackson, and we never leave Nashville.'
  2. jbbor

    jbbor Active Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'YOU CAN BE

    THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE'. He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced,

    'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of

    this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight,

    and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.

    After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind

    of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can

    relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then,

    you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to

    dress me and comb my hair?

    'The wife replied, 'The freakin' funeral director would be my first

  3. blizzard

    blizzard Active Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    You know why schools in Mexico can't teach sex ed. and driver ed. on the same days?

    It's too hard on the burro.
  4. Frank C

    Frank C Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy
    3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
    Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?" 'No,' the woman replied. 'Divorce attorney.'
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